Why didn't it work?

[Liz]

LOL, ok so that wasn't a quick overview was it.

haha.. well.. at least your birth story is pretty much done!

I wasn't as active as I should have been with DD, for some reason I don't have the inclination to get up and moving when I'm labouring.. I perch myself on the side of the bed and stay there LOL. So I'm guessing this is why I didn't fully dilate this time. I was pushing & dilating at the same time at about 8cm too.. but I was told to just go with the pushing. Yes, it hurts to push when you're not fully dilated, but I can't even imagine going against the urge to push! They did an internal coz it didn't look like I was progressing, and I was dilating to about 8cm with the contractions, but then it would shrink back to 6cm. anyway, eventually I had my OB's hand up there helping get her out of the cervix during the contractions.. yes... ouch! and once he got the cervix over her head she pretty much crowned and slipped on out! She came out all swollen & blue LOL, which they said was because that last part of the birth was very quick.

I too think that the epidural could well have slowed things up even more for you, this could possibly be why they wanted you to try the peth first? But after labouring for so long, it's no wonder you were exhausted and needed some relief.

I don't think it would have anything to do with your pelvis, its not like your bub was stuck at all, she was just taking her sweet time. I think a VBAC could well be an option for you to consider next time.

*hugs* Enjoy your little bundle

[Inanna]

I had a whole long post and lost it.

Big hugs...

Okay - some babies take a LOT of time. I had a labour like yours with DD13. She was posterior so it was a little different.

There are some things that stand out for me.

Labour that is most effective is very active. Pacing, squatting between contractions - not being in a hospital environment until labour is very active. Women tend to look upon abour as much longer when they are in a medical environment. Labour that is very very active is the most effective.

You had a lot of intervention. Intervention extends labour. It is my experience that when a woman is having a protracted labour if she goes outside, squats between contractions, does not have her progress measured in centimetres but rather by how she sounds, how she looks and how she moves that labour is shorter.

It doesn't sound to me like you were pressured by the staff a and that they were happy for you to labour longer. But you were tired and worn out. However hearing someone not know why you stalled and ? a worry - that can make it scary for the Mother to continue. The more active, the more fresh air, the less medical intervention the more likely you are to have a vaginal birth.

Our heads give birth first. Was there a thought that played over in yourmind that stalled your labour? Were you subconsciously thinking you would have the same experience as yuour mother? Our minds are very very very powerful. Our thoughts can stop or protract labour. The mind is my first thought when something is not going as we hoped. Have a think about if that feels right to you...

I am sorry you didn't have the birth you aimed for - I understand how that feels. You did the best you could with the experience you were having. Next time I strongly urge you get a Doula. You stay at home as long as is practical. You move A LOT. You decline very strongly any analgesia. (analgesia is administered with an epidural as well just so you know). You don't stay still. Upright is always best. Squatting is fabulous. Using a birthing pool to ease pain but remaining upright where possible.

Next time will be different my love - that is a surety.

[~Saram~]

Hi Heaven

My bub got stuck also and I was pushing for 2 hrs, I was lucky to have a midwife who was able to suggest some positions I wouldn't have thought of, like lying on my side. By trying these different possies we did eventually get DS around the corner. For DD I saw a chiropractor from early on and very frequently towards the end to keep my pelvis in alignement. i only pushed for maybe 20min, bigger baby and was posterior at the beginning of labour.

Did you do any hip circles? there is also some great exercises on spinning babies for stalled labour that I found really helpful. And you don't have to make up your mind about vbac now, go with it and if your labour doesn't progress again you can always choose the c-sec later. There is nothing worse than not giving yourself the option and then regretting not trying later (I have been induced both times and will never know if I can go into labour naturally - which bugs me a lot)

[Heaven]

Thankyou all, your posts are making me all teary, lol.
Yeah, I think my head played a big part in it. When I had the first internal the m/w asked me if I wanted to know the result or not she could keep it to herself but I couldn't help myself I needed to know. I shouldn't have asked And it was scary the longer it went on bc I kept thinking it's not meant to be like this, this isn't what I planned, it should be over by now. And "should's" and are no good.
Also, my contractions were 2-3mins apart from about 9pm on the friday and DD wasn't born until Sunday morning. I needed a break, I was too exhausted that the pain became too much to handle when I was handling it well earlier on.
Next time I will also know not to go to hospital that early. I didn't think it was early at the time bc contractions were 2 mins apart when I left and I was worried about them getting worse and having to travel in the car for 30mins to hospital. Maybe I will have to move closer to the hospital, lol.
I hope I can do it next time but I'm scared already so I will have to do a lot of research about it. I don't want to have the same recovery as this time, being exhausted from a long labour and then having surgery, that was awful. Lets just hope it goes a lot faster!

[Snacks]

SJ, big hugs, babe.
The thing that strikes me is that you were just so exhausted. That's not your fault, and it is so hard to rest when you go into labour, particularly when you're so far past your EDD.
I think you will definitely be good to go for a VBAC next time round. Like others have suggested, a doula could be the most valuable part of your birthing experience next time. To have them around to offer you support and suggestions for positioning and to make you even more active than you feel like being could well be what makes it happen for you.
I'm not an expert by any means, but I'd also reckon statistically your 2nd labour won't be as long, so you'll be less inclined to go for the interventions (AROM, drip, epi, etc) and more inclined to just roll with it.
IRT the pushing - I think it's really odd that you were told not to. I have read that the natural urge to bear down is really valuable in childbirth regardless of how dilated your cervix is. Perhaps the pushing your body wanted to do could've helped Grace to move further down? If she was so far away from your cervix according to your OB I really don't see what harm bearing down could've done to you, KWIM? I have read that damage occurs to the cervix when women are instructed to push against their natural urges.
I think I was probably at about 8cm when I felt the urge to push with Natty. I was sitting on the toilet (not weeing or anything, lol! It was just a comfy place to sit) and I felt two really intense urges to bear down, which I did. Ain't no one who could've stopped me! And there was this gush of fluid into the toilet and I felt her move further down into my pelvis. I think you were let down by being told not to push when you felt you needed to.
I'm not sure how much help this has been - it's all just my thoughts and I'm not medically trained. But I want to reassure you that there should be nothing stopping you from going for your VBAC next time. I honestly believe that with the right support you can birth vaginally if that's what you want.

[Heaven]

Thankyou Amy.
I know, I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to push when that's what my body wanted to do, I would have thought there was a reason for it. It would have been much less painful just to be able to push through the pain, a few times I did anyway bc I was over trying not to and getting p!ssed off at the 'just breathe though it' like that's an easy thing to do!!!!
I hadn't thought about maybe it won't be as long next time either, lets hope!! If it isn't as long I can make it!! I think I will start saving for a doula now, lol.

[~Saram~]

I too don't understand hy they instruct us not to push when we have the urge. For me I couldn't stop myself and was pushing with every 2nd or third urge, when my dr finally came in I was begging to push and he shouted from the dr of course you can, you sound fully dilated to me and said something to the midwife about why on earth was she telling me not to push.

I think too Heaven, it's important not to beat yourself up about this. here we are giving you all these ideas but don't feel bad about the way your labour went. You did what needed to be done for you and bubs. Maybe in a different set of circumstances you could have had a vaginal birth but those circumstances weren't there that day, you still did an awesome job at labouring and birthing your baby!!!!

[Inanna]

There is a belief that pushing prior to full dilatation can cause an anterior lip.

What do I think?

I think your body is a Goddess and it usually knows what is best. I say usually as there are times when you need to push but a cord is in the way or some other obvious problem that needs to be remedied (my DD6 had her arm at right angles to her face - clearly pushing then would not have been in my best interests...