SJ, big hugs, babe.
The thing that strikes me is that you were just so exhausted. That's not your fault, and it is so hard to rest when you go into labour, particularly when you're so far past your EDD.
I think you will definitely be good to go for a VBAC next time round. Like others have suggested, a doula could be the most valuable part of your birthing experience next time. To have them around to offer you support and suggestions for positioning and to make you even more active than you feel like being could well be what makes it happen for you.
I'm not an expert by any means, but I'd also reckon statistically your 2nd labour won't be as long, so you'll be less inclined to go for the interventions (AROM, drip, epi, etc) and more inclined to just roll with it.
IRT the pushing - I think it's really odd that you were told not to. I have read that the natural urge to bear down is really valuable in childbirth regardless of how dilated your cervix is. Perhaps the pushing your body wanted to do could've helped Grace to move further down? If she was so far away from your cervix according to your OB I really don't see what harm bearing down could've done to you, KWIM? I have read that damage occurs to the cervix when women are instructed to push against their natural urges.
I think I was probably at about 8cm when I felt the urge to push with Natty. I was sitting on the toilet (not weeing or anything, lol! It was just a comfy place to sit) and I felt two really intense urges to bear down, which I did. Ain't no one who could've stopped me! And there was this gush of fluid into the toilet and I felt her move further down into my pelvis. I think you were let down by being told not to push when you felt you needed to.
I'm not sure how much help this has been - it's all just my thoughts and I'm not medically trained. But I want to reassure you that there should be nothing stopping you from going for your VBAC next time. I honestly believe that with the right support you can birth vaginally if that's what you want.
Thankyou Amy.
I know, I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to push when that's what my body wanted to do, I would have thought there was a reason for it. It would have been much less painful just to be able to push through the pain, a few times I did anyway bc I was over trying not to and getting p!ssed off at the 'just breathe though it' like that's an easy thing to do!!!!
I hadn't thought about maybe it won't be as long next time either, lets hope!! If it isn't as long I can make it!! I think I will start saving for a doula now, lol.
I too don't understand hy they instruct us not to push when we have the urge. For me I couldn't stop myself and was pushing with every 2nd or third urge, when my dr finally came in I was begging to push and he shouted from the dr of course you can, you sound fully dilated to me and said something to the midwife about why on earth was she telling me not to push.
I think too Heaven, it's important not to beat yourself up about this. here we are giving you all these ideas but don't feel bad about the way your labour went. You did what needed to be done for you and bubs. Maybe in a different set of circumstances you could have had a vaginal birth but those circumstances weren't there that day, you still did an awesome job at labouring and birthing your baby!!!!
There is a belief that pushing prior to full dilatation can cause an anterior lip.
What do I think?
I think your body is a Goddess and it usually knows what is best. I say usually as there are times when you need to push but a cord is in the way or some other obvious problem that needs to be remedied (my DD6 had her arm at right angles to her face - clearly pushing then would not have been in my best interests...
with my first i was told not to push so i was screaming every time the urge came as i couldnt stop it!
with dd i didnt "push" at all i let gravity do the work my body used the expulsion method...(being at home made a huge difference to
I'm not expert but just wanted to let you know that I had a horrid birth experience with DD1 and was petrified at the idea of going through the same thing again.
BUT I had an amazing experience with DD2 which has been a revelation - don't be hard on yourself about the 'could/should/would have's'.
Next time you will know what you want and it will be different.
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