my 11 year old son is driving me crazy. no matter what it is he has to argue with me.
some examples are.
school lunches: he doesn't want sandwiches, "no one else brings sandwiches to school" is what he says. then to make it worse my DH asked 1 child what he brought for lunch that day, was it sandwiches. and of course he didn't bring them, his teacher said he was the only child who didn't bring them.LOL. it only made it worse. he yells and screams at me then just makes this annoying grunting sound when i make him take sandwiches to school.
he actually wants chips or junk BTW. i don't love him because i don't let him have these things in his lunch.
then to top it all of i found he had been putting his sandwiches under the house after school, so when i checked his lunch box it was empty.
i have started cutting all the boys sandwiches a different way so he cannot deny that they are his.
then another thing is he won't go to bed at night, he talks with his brother who he has to share a room with ATM while we wait to build as we only have 2 rooms.
he wakes his dad up who works shift work, then i make him go into another room and he carries on so much saying " it wasn't me" over and over again until he waked DH up again. i made him miss out on taking a cupcake to school yesterday that he had made the day before because of it and he just says to me
" i don't care" " it wasn't me anyway"
arggggggggggg. it is so annoying, i know he does it for attention which i try not to give to him. if i make his brother leave the room theres no problem, but the thing is his brother wants to go to sleep and he can't do that til the older one does which is after 10 pm half of the time. this is too late for a 9 year old, who on his own would normally be asleep by 8 or 8.30 pm.
if i accuse him of anything, he will deny it was him even though it is something the other boys could not have physically been able to do becasue of their height. if i see him do something naughty he will still deny it. after i just watched him do it.
he makes me so angry sometimes and i try to distract him. give him jobs to do to make him feel important, but if he isn't getting 100% of the attention then he starts.
sorry this has been so long but i could go on and on and i just need to get it out.
First of all
I have one of these too and man some days he really makes it hard to like him let alone love him!! Of course I do but you know what I mean.
School lunches are a mission in this house too just with him though. The other two school aged boys are happy to take what is packed.
Can you try a compromise with him? Ok so you dont want sandwiches, fine you need to come up with a healthy alternative because chips and junk are not lunch! Give him the responsibilty within reason, if he is refusing what is offered.
If he still isnt happy fine go without. He will not starve but the hungry behaviour is bloody hard to deal with. A week of being hungry will soon make him see sandwiches really arent that bad.
Consistency is the key for me as mine is continuously pushing the boundries just to see if he can get away with it this time, so I need to make sure I hold my ground not matter how much I just wanna give in for the ease of it.
DS12 (almost 13) is now entering another horrible phase so be prepared. I have a fantastic book called "he'll be ok - growing gorgeous boys into good men" and she says that about now (age 11) they will leave for a few years and we wont recognise the monster they turn into but they will return to us again about 17-18. We just have to hold on and steer them the best we can.
My DH works shift too so I know it is hard to work around, but they really are at a dad stage so rope him in and try to get some more one on one dad time happening.
He is stuck between that awful not old enough to do it by myself yet but too old to be hanging out with my parents and not knowing how to verbalise his frustrations either.
Sending you many many - stop and count to 10 vibes.
Don't apologise for the length of your post, you could double the length I think
My answer to the school lunch problem (I'm a home schooler, but I have an 11yr old ) would be "well you are old enough to make your own lunch if you are unhappy with what I make".
As for the ridiculous, non sensical, arguments OOOOH BOY I know about those!!! I find that since homeschooling started we do a lot less of that, but I'm very lucky to be able to have that option, I realise not everyone does. What I did prior to homeschool was refuse to engage in stupid rguments. If you see him doing something, and he denies it, refuse to engage with an argument. State that you know the truth and blatantly ignore any disrespect that follows - tell him that you won't discuss it until he is speaking to you politely.
The sleeping issues are harder to fix, if it was just him refusing to go to bed then it would be no big deal, he could suffer tiredness and eventually get bored and go to bed. But when other family members are suffering it's not ok is it. I have no suggestions for you at all on that front sorry!
Have you heard of bush flower remedies? There is one called Adol-essence, that is very good for kids this age. Maybe you could give that a go. You can buy it online at the bush flower remedy website, or in your local health food store. Perhaps he could benefit from some extra physical activity or some counseling?
I hear your frustration, I hope you find a workable solution to this problem soon, it's daunting isn't it thinking they're like this at 11 .... what will they be like at 16 *gulp*
thank you so much guys, i was just so frustrated when i wrote that. boys. yes they are at an awkward stage and he always has been a very head strong child.
DH spends time with DS 1 every second sat for 4 hrs, he takes turns with him and DS2 every sat, DS3 is still happy to be with me. DS1 is so good when he is alone with just one of us, he is like a different child but the thing is we can't always do this.
i will try some of your suggestions and even look at getting that book, maybe it might help.
just when i thought i'd have to go and jump of the nearest bridge, that by the way has no water in the river below it, LOL, there has been a repreive. only small but a step forward.
DS1 and i did some exersise yesterday, walked for 30 mins, just us and it seemed to make him happy for the day. he was much less annoying to his brothers and was less arguementative than usuall too.
i mean it wasn't all gone, that would be a miracle but we had a good day.
as for the whole school thing i have made a deal with him if he takes sangas for 4 days then he can have a roll up, with ham and chesse on fridays. he seemed ok with this.
fingers crossed.
i know this boy won't be here for long but i am hopefull of some more days with this DS1 ( nice boy)
and not that DS1 ( horror child)
11 yr old argues with everything i say.
he yells and screams at me then just makes this annoying grunting sound when i make him take sandwiches to school.
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) would be "well you are old enough to make your own lunch if you are unhappy with what I make".
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