Don't apologise for the length of your post, you could double the length I think

My answer to the school lunch problem (I'm a home schooler, but I have an 11yr old ) would be "well you are old enough to make your own lunch if you are unhappy with what I make".

As for the ridiculous, non sensical, arguments OOOOH BOY I know about those!!! I find that since homeschooling started we do a lot less of that, but I'm very lucky to be able to have that option, I realise not everyone does. What I did prior to homeschool was refuse to engage in stupid rguments. If you see him doing something, and he denies it, refuse to engage with an argument. State that you know the truth and blatantly ignore any disrespect that follows - tell him that you won't discuss it until he is speaking to you politely.

The sleeping issues are harder to fix, if it was just him refusing to go to bed then it would be no big deal, he could suffer tiredness and eventually get bored and go to bed. But when other family members are suffering it's not ok is it. I have no suggestions for you at all on that front sorry!

Have you heard of bush flower remedies? There is one called Adol-essence, that is very good for kids this age. Maybe you could give that a go. You can buy it online at the bush flower remedy website, or in your local health food store. Perhaps he could benefit from some extra physical activity or some counseling?

I hear your frustration, I hope you find a workable solution to this problem soon, it's daunting isn't it thinking they're like this at 11 .... what will they be like at 16 *gulp*