I don't know what to do

[*Efjay*]

Just looking at the Triple P site, I have never heard of them. They isn't anyone close to me. The closest is 40 minutes away in an area I don't really want to go.
I can't see if they have a hot line or something similar that I can call or maybe email for advise.

But I did just remember that the HAwkesbury Communtiy center has a parenting help line. I wonder what age the deal with. I think it may only be for babies. Not sure will have dig out one of the blue books.

I would love some help with his sleeping. I think that may be a big part of his behaviour. We have tried a few things there but the kid just wont go to sleep any earlier then 9.30 regardless.

hmmmm

[Phteven]

FJ, even if the parenting line is only for babies they will be able to refer you on to someone else.
Your GP is always a good first stop - they usually can help you find appropriate help and can refer you on for further assesment so you know what you're dealing with.

[Bathsheba]

Ok... tonight come hell or high water it's lights out for Evan at 8pm. Maybe invest in some talking books... we used to use them with our DD when she was that age.... could only be turned on if the lights were out... night-lite permitted.

What exactly does he do when you say it's bedtime?

[*Efjay*]

There isn't a hassel as such going to bed, its the going to sleep, he just lays there.
The bed time routine is this

8pm, Brush teeth get PJs on etc.
8.30 DH reads them a book in bed
Lights out & DH lays with them telling them a made up story then sneaks out when they are finally asleep.


The boys share a room & bed (their choice). Evan just can't fall asleep any earlier then 9.30 which is why bed time is at 8.30, no real point going in earlier. Plus our lives have made it so bed time happens around 8.30, earlier just wont work as DH often isn't home till 7/7.30 so it just makes it too hard to have them in bed earlier then 8.30

[Bathsheba]

Sounds like he might be having trouble "switching off" his thoughts allowing him to sleep... in this case listening to a talking book might help... I know that I sometimes have trouble switching off as well and "need" the beside radio turned on... to Radio National's News radio. At that time of night someone is usually droning on about the conflict in the Middle East... very soporific (not to down play the seriousness of the conflict in that part of the world).

[Jennifer13]

FJ I have to say I don't actually agree with Super Nanny's use of the naughty corner, so I can understand why you've decided it doesn't work! I think it's overused and simplistic and doesn't actually connect the discipline with the behaviour. The only time it should be used is when they're so out of control that they need to calm down by being physically removed. Sounds like Evan is more verbal and obstinate than physically out of control. Using it sparingly also makes it more effective from what I've seen.

If the chart works well for the morning, I'd suggest trying it for the night time routine as well. I know you say he's good at getting in bed and then can't sleep, how good is the wind-down routine to get there? And while it works to keep him up 'cause DH isn't home until late, I think the fact you're having trouble getting him going in the morning (maybe not waking him, but actually getting action!) is an indication that he needs to go down earlier, for his sake. If it takes him a while to fall asleep, better to be in bed at 7:30 or 8 and asleep by 8 or 8:30 than 9:30. He's going to have trouble controlling his behaviour if he's tired. I suspect you might need a break a bit earlier than then too, so you and DH can have quiet time together...

[Katiegirl]

Hi - I just wanted to add that my nephew whilst not quite the handful that Evan is, can also be very difficult to control at home but all reports from school is that he is the perfect student. He is now 10 and I admit that I struggle with him at times. My sister sees a lot of herself in him - in that she was probably what people these days would call 'hyperactive', so I think sometimes she washes over his behaviour. I once told him to pick up a towel he had thrown on the floor to have my sister say in front of him 'You do not need to tell my children what to do' - so of course he repeats that whenever I ask (or tell) to stop something. It is infuriating!!! The fact that he can control his behaviour at school shows he knows how to control himself and chooses not to when at home.

My sister and her DH use a point system (and this goes for his brother as well) - he has been told that for each time he is naughty etc he receives a point - if he gets to 20 or so points he won't be allowed something. This can even be something huge like a birthday party. It is probably more encouraging if he got a point for 'good' behaviour but that doesn't really seem to register with him - so knowing he has 15 points and only another 5 to go before he loses something he wants (like the party or going to a movie etc) it does seem to make him stop and think. He is the loveliest child and so affectionate but my goodness he knows exactly how to wind me up!!!

I think stopping the pocket money and making him earn his treats is a great idea. It has started to drive me insane with my nephew 'expecting' me to buy him things - he now has a habit of saying 'you can buy me this or that'. It stems from me spoiling him and his siblings rotten when they were younger and I was single (and had more money than sense obviously). I think you are doing a great job and should not be too hard on yourself.

[*Efjay*]

Yesterday afternoon was good. Came home, had some afternoon tea with out too much fuss, Ate his dinner with little fuss etc. But then gave DH a bit of a hard time in bed, not to sure what was going on as I was dealing with Isla.

This morning was hard again. Dh had an early start so was gone by 7. I pretty much dragged Evan out of bed only to be kicked & hit then he took himself back to bed. I did my best to ignore it, carried on with what needed to be done to get everyone else ready & let Evan know his school clothes are ready or when I am ready to leave he will be put int he car & his clothes in a bag.
He kept saying he was thinking (about what he wanted to take for news) to which I went in again pulled him up & out of bed & said he can think about that while he gets dressed. Offered him toast to take in the car on the way etc.

I don't know if this was the right or wrong thing to have done but I couldn't help it. He hit me again & | just cried. I told him that I really don't like when he behaves this way & it makes me very sad. I love him but I don't like him when he is naughty. He got a little teary & said that I was being nasty not him. Eventually he got dressed (with help) and then while I regained myself in the bathroom while brushing my teeth etc, he got the toast out & ready in thte toaster & was a different kid.
When we got to school I gave him a hug told him I loved him & to please try & be be better behaved when he comes home this afternoon.

Jennifer - Bed time is hard. No matter how early we go in so say I do bring it forward to 7.30, he will then lay there till 9.30. Its not a matter of it taking an hour to wind down (so in at 8.30 asleep by 9.30) He just doesn't seem able to switch off till after 9.30. Believe me we have tried earlier time slots. It just makes no difference.

Usually teh bed time routine isn't too bad, we have our nights were getting him to put his PJs on etc is a much around but overall I would say its no worse thenthe next person. He tries alot of stalling (im hungry, thirsty etc etc) but usually its pretty stock standard.

Also making bed time earlier would be hard, I would need to be with him till he was asleep, but if I start this before DH is home, I then also have Isla to deal with who also doesn't go down till 8.30.

I know our bed time is alot later then alot of kids but I don't know how I could make it work doing it earlier.

We need to get him going to sleep on his own but in order to do that I need 2 parents here, I can't put the time needed to help evan become a good sleeper while I have 2 (soon 3) other children to care for at the same time.

Im going to do some ring around & see what help I can find locally.

eta - well I am at dead end... local parent line is for up to 3yrs, gave me the number for Karitane which is for kids up to 5.
I will try the triple p consultant that is closest to me but its a number for a Dr surgery so I bet I will just be asked to make an appointment for a time I wont be able to get too....

[Jennifer13]

I know our bed time is alot later then alot of kids but I don't know how I could make it work doing it earlier.

We need to get him going to sleep on his own but in order to do that I need 2 parents here, I can't put the time needed to help evan become a good sleeper while I have 2 (soon 3) other children to care for at the same time.

Im going to do some ring around & see what help I can find locally.

I don't think anybody could do it on their own. Is there any chance DH could take a few days off work to sort this out with you? If you had a weekend and a few extra days there's a chance you might be able to get Evan in the habit of a new routine. It sounds like you really need DH to help you out...

You are doing a good job to manage three kids while you are pg and I hope this is just a small bump in the road!