We are at a total loss of how to handle this

[Arimeh]

OK. DS has always been on the sensitive side, and lately, his behaviour is driving us up the wall.

About two weeks ago, he started complaining of tummy pain. Just random times, and it wasn't anything serious.

Then on Sunday night, he started getting really upset, and saying that his tummy hurt really bad, he couldn't sleep etc etc. So DH took him down to the docs, they said he had a lump in his tummy, but it wasn't a hernia and they didn't really know what it was. So they gave us a sample jar and said if it still hurts in two days, get a urine sample. So, the next day, I pick him up from school, he is in tears and in a small room off to the side, and leaning over an ice cream container, saying that his tummy is really bad and he wanted to vomit. He hasn't vomited from these "pains".

He doesn't have a temperature. We took him back to the doctor yesterday, they took an xray, all perfectly normal except for a small amount of poo they could see (but not impacted) and some large pockets of gas. I worked on his belly all afternoon getting gas out.

His behaviour is perfectly normal most of the time, except for when he's going to bed, or leading up to going to bed, or going to school - then the "belly pains" come back.

This morning he was basically hysterical getting him ready for school and I had to chase him around the car and house to get him in the bloody car to drive to school. He bawled all the way to school.

We had a word to him early in the morning about going to school, why doesn't he want to, he claimed that nobody wants to play with him, and they are all nasty to him. When I told his teacher today what was going on, she said that he is one of the most popular kids in school and all the kids like him.

I have no idea how to handle this "belly pain". We give him infants friend (he thinks its panadol cos he knows panadol takes away pain), and I rub it. But he bawls and bawls and bawls and goes basically friggin hysterical, so we give him some rescue remedy incase its just anxiety - but it doesn't help.

We have no idea what to do. Suggestions welcome.

We have a referral to a paediatric behavioural specialist for DD1 because she has a few behavioural issues that concern us, but I'm wondering if I should get a referral for DS as well. Hell, maybe I'll go for a family referral and get a discount.

[Liviam]

DS1 has been doing this too and we have worked out he does it when he is feeling a bit left out and wanting a bit more attention and cuddles.

The way we chose to handle it was to ignore it, calm him down and distract him. Has worked a treat every time.

Good luck.

[Astrid]

Went through all the tummy pain stuff with DD1 (linking my thread about it: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...in-6yo-166351/)

It does seem to be mostly anxiety related and certainly seemed to diminish after she had blood test (DH refused to let her have emla gel to numb the area). I assume she was put off by the "bad" attention of the needles. There has been a lot of improvement this year, as she has really settle quite well into school. Even though the teachers say they are fine and have friends, they see it differently themselves. DD1 had to learn that "I don't want to play that game" did not mean "I don't want to be friends with you". She is also a perfectionist, so can get stressed if she does not know, or thinks she may not know it 100%. Thankfully her teacher has picked that up and is working with her on it.

I would suggest getting what tests you can, just in case there is something going on medically. Also work with his teacher as to what is going on, keep talking to them about how he is going at home and ask them about how he is going at school.

Best of luck - it is a tough situation

[Jakabella]

I would think it would be anxiety related. Maybe a stalling tactic so that you might keep him home??

I would still take him to the Pead just incase there is some underlying issue.

Does he suffer IBS? I know that when Im in times of high stress that I get an IBS attack but not the poo (sorry TMI) but I get the pains. Just a thought.

[HotI]

Have you asked him what he thinks will help? it might help you work out what is happening (if it is anxiety driven)

[*LittleMissSummer*]

When i was a child i used to get butterflies in my belly whenever i was nervous or anxious they would sometimes feel like knots in my belly if i was really worked up. I would say something is going on at school to set off those "belly pains". Maybe the teacher is misinterpreting him being popular as him being bullied by a large amount of children.

Maybe you could try getting him to speak with a counsellor or setting up a meeting with his teacher. If all the tests show hes perfectly healthy i'd say its psychological.

[Ambersky]

We get the Tummy pains thing from 5yo DD1 on a daily basis at the moment, after initial concern, i now say "oh dear.. lets get on with ..... and see if it goes away" i noticed it happens more often if she knows DD2 and i are doing something while she will be at school, or bed times about 2 nights out of 5. After a few days of my almost non reaction it happens much less often. I try and make plans for a special her and me time the next weekend time if I'm aware she thinks she is missing out during the week.

[Arimeh]

Have you asked him what he thinks will help? it might help you work out what is happening (if it is anxiety driven)

He wants medicine, or to see a doctor. But we've taken him to two different doctors, both of them said nothing is wrong, its attention driven, and one mentioned migraines.

Which is funny - because I'm a migraine sufferer......

I just read through your thread Astrid, how is your DD1 now? It seems like the same sort of thing here I can definitely see how he would link the "I don't want to play that game" as being "I don't want to be friends with you".

LMS - I don't think he is being bullied, the kids do seem genuinely excited when they see him turn up every morning, and when he was in daycare last year, he used to be mobbed by the girls when he arrived - we used to call him the rock star.. LOL

[Maruschke]

Can you plan a special activity for just him and you/DH each day that takes about 15 minutes? And when he gets like this, remind him that this special thing is coming again? Maybe playing the wii, or something else he likes doing with you?

[kateo]

Do you have to go to work? Could you possibly spend some or all of the day "helping" at his school? Sometimes I have seen this (from a teaching viewpoint) and have found that little people just need mum about a bit more for a day or so. You don't need to be in his pocket but perhaps help out in the classroom and possibly do some organised games at lunch or help out in the canteen. It would give you a chance to assess for yourself how school is really going and perhaps give him some confidence to face school as well.

I totally agree with the conversation thing too. I suggest trying "I bet it's really awful having such a sore tummy. Can you tell me exactly what it feels like?
Do you know why you have a tummy ache? have you been eating different things?
If you can when he doesn't have a sore tummy ask him why he thinks his tummy doesn't hurt now.
Sometimes little people will tell you whats really going on if you ask the right way. Sort of let them do their own problem solving.
Keep in mind noone ever wants a sore tummy so trying to solve the problem together might work.
I wish you all the luck in the world and really hope it's not something serious.
Oh and by the way I did have a bout of this with a group of girls in a class once. One of them had real stomach problems and had a lot of time off school and hospital visits and several of her friends had sympathetic pain. I do believe they really did have sore tummies but I think it was in sympathy with their friend. Once she was sorted the problem of tummy aches seemed to go away!

[Astrid]

I just read through your thread Astrid, how is your DD1 now? It seems like the same sort of thing here I can definitely see how he would link the "I don't want to play that game" as being "I don't want to be friends with you".

She is so much better now. Still the odd tummy ache and complaints of sloppy poos, but nothing like she was. On her bad days I would always talk to the teacher in the morning and then she would give me feedback in the afternoon. We found a pattern of her having tummy aches when doing something new. Once she knew the routine, the rules and how things worked in general, she really improved (something I completely understand). She does have a lot of friends and they say she quite popular (even back in kinder apparently). I wonder if being popular maybe has its own issues??

We did get her a heat pack to use with her tummy aches on the suggestion of the paed (to do with giving her control over it), but sadly she hated the smell of it.

[Arimeh]

Kateo - I don't work, but I have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old and nearly 1 year old - so I can't really help out, and we can't afford day care because my DH is studying and I'm a SAHM. I will start asking more questions though, thanks.

Astrid - he has a heat pack, a cow, but it doesn't seem to make a difference, as soon as it hits his skin, he wails that its hurting him. Maybe I could take him shopping to buy one that he picks out.....?

M - DH played on the wii with him this afternoon for most of the afternoon, and it still didn't make a difference cos he had to stop playing to go to bed - enter the tantrum, wailing monster!

[LuluHB]

DD2 says she gets a lot of tummy pains and like you've described mostly they are at bed time, or else off to kindy or something she doesn't want to do. She is medicated for severe anxiety and her paed is sure that the two are related. I'm a migraine sufferer too and abdominal migraines were my initial worry but we've ruled that out. She asks for medicine and says she needs cuddles. If its bed time she tells me she won't be able to sleep because her tummy hurts so much and needs me to stay with her or she gets very upset. Most of the time I just deal with it by saying well, the best thing for a tummy ache is sleep so how about we lie down together and go to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I also do what Maruschke suggests and offer DD2 something special to do the next day, after kindy or whatever works in the situation.

[Arimeh]

Lulu - we still sit with him to go to sleep, we always have. Usually its DH putting him to bed. None of my kids fall asleep on their own - unfortunately!!! How did they rule out that it wasn't migraines?

[Astrid]

With DD1 the promise of something exciting could make her tummy worse. Like with a long drive, she would be sick on the trip there, but not on the way back. They can get anxious about fun/good things. I would probably just work with consistency.

[LuluHB]

She's had a couple of CT scans and also blood tests. Very hard with little people who can't really articulate what they are feeling - try explaining to a child what an aura is! Also physical exams such as retinal reactions when she is complaining of these pains together with keeping a diary of food intake, activity, sleep patterns etc. I guess I should say they can't 100% rule out that its migraines but they're pretty close to being that confident. Her anxiety makes it very difficult because until very recently she wouldn't let anyone touch her, and so she's had to be anaesthetised to carry out procedures - obviously something we try and avoid unless there's no possible alternative.

I hear you on the sleep. Mine have only just turned the corner to going to sleep without us sitting with them, and it can still be hit and miss with DD2.

[Keta]

I have found asking the teacher to give the child a 'special' role in the mornings can help with school refusal. Also a schedule that shows daily activities can help if novelty is an issue. There is some great books about worry that can be good with little kids. Teaching anxiety management rather
Than focusing on the current behaviour will probably be good too (eg deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, positive self talk, etc). A book I love is 'mind your mind' which is a cognitive behavioral therapy approach for children. It has two characters in it 1. The head hassler who is the negative thoughts and 2. The mind master who is the positive thoughts. Great for focusing on how to cope and developing life skills.
I personally would steer away from questions and too much attention on the undesired behaviour if it is attention driven and focus on positive desired behaviours.

Hope that all made sense!

[dantri]

Have you ruled out food intolerances? I'm not a mum (yet) but I work with kids and once worked with a little boy who complained of tummy pain like "cables" in his belly. He seemed in a lot of pain and it turned out he was coeliac. Another little girl was similar and we worked out that she had a dairy intolerance (not allergy). Just a thought.

Another thought, has anybody recently been ill in your family/group of friends? Could he be imitating what they did that caused them lots of positive attention? Ie pain then doctors and medicine.

I hope you find a solution soon, it sounds distressing for you all. Hugs!


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