VENT: my child talking about suicide on Christmas Day

**Gigi** · December 28th, 2012, 05:48 PM

You are all lovely, but no-one can fix the unfixable for me, i just needed to vent. Jan 16 roll on

and if you have a lovely partner, be grateful, they are a rare and special breed.

Yes Butterfly Dawn, the patterns of behaviour now, also contributed to me having to leave, two years ago.

Butterfly Dawn, tis ok, you haven't offended me at all.

Many great suggestions from many lovely people.

**Butterfly Dawn** · December 27th, 2012, 12:39 AM

sorry I didn't mean to offend you

your right she is a lot better off then many.
its really sad that there's no help available to those in disparate need and those like yourself who could do with a hand of giving a partner a wake up call.

the system needs help and many of us need resources to call on at times.

I really didn't mean to offend or sound judgmental. was just running through ideas.

**nickle730** · December 27th, 2012, 02:37 AM

Hi Gigi, It must be very upsetting to hear your DD speak about her feelings of worthlessness. I hope your appointment in January is positive and gives you some direction in how to best help Bilby.

On a practical front, could you send with your DD whatever meals she will need whilst she is with her dad? A sandwich for lunch, a bowl of pasta for dinner...? I realise you shouldn't have to and that he should be capable of providing her with food, but if you send meals at least you will now she is fed whilst she is with him. Would he accept the meals if you tried? She could have a special lunchbox for when she is with daddy and you could make it something she looks forward to.

**BellyBelly** · December 27th, 2012, 06:46 AM

Can relate to so many things you're saying Gigi. Some great advice here. Hope you get some breakthroughs soon.

**Butterfly Dawn** · December 28th, 2012, 09:01 PM

How are you both going?
Really wish I could give I both a big swishy hug

**Gigi** · December 28th, 2012, 09:54 PM

her father won't talk to me about the topic at all.

sometimes he has so much lack of empathy, i wonder if has Aspberger's or something. You know, really smart at maths and tech stuff, but like a block of ice about emotions, relating to people etc. Hope my very poor grasp of Aspberger's is not going to offend any BB members who have kids on the spectrum - hope i haven't said the wrong thing. Poorly expressed i know.

bilby didn't mention the topic today - feel like i got a reprieve. one day free - although i was on my guard for it all day. She got close a few times, but i headed it off at the pass.

**Butterfly Dawn** · December 28th, 2012, 10:29 PM

Its very hard when one will not talk. You can't get anywhere

A whole day free of it is good for u both.
I hope the appt really kicks things into motion for you. Can't come soon enough hey.

**LionsandBears** · December 29th, 2012, 08:35 AM

Gigi - I'm not qualified to diagnose, but some of the behaviour you describe from your ex are similar to ADD/Aspergers behaviours I've seen in others (including myself). From my perspective, I'd behave as if he is on the spectrum and deal with it from there. At some stage, he's going to have to deal with the fact that his daughter is depressed or she won't be safe being with him.

**Gigi** · January 7th, 2013, 11:46 PM

ten days away to the appointment.

bilby mentioned feelings of unworthiness, no use to anyone, not important etc, quite a few times today.

at one stage, hitting herself in the face. I told her, "i don't want anyone hitting or hurting you, including you". Was having an outer body experience at the time, coudln't believe my own child was hitting herself, wanting to punish herself, thinking "am i having the right response?" "what am i meant to say in this situation" "i wish this was a bad dream".

She is having over the top reactions, to me correcting, teaching, keeping her safe type parenting moments.

worried i will not be able to relay all of this, come up with examples etc, when i see the CAMHS worker.

10 days now.

**bella12** · January 8th, 2013, 03:16 AM

maybe write some of the examples down after they happen to take with you to the appt. 10 days isn't to long but I bet it feels like 10 weeks. I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't improving. You're doing a great job from what I can tell in handling the situation, I hope you're looking after yourself too.

**Cass72** · January 8th, 2013, 11:27 AM

I just wanted to offer hugs first and secondly just to give you another angle.

My husband's daughter went through a faze (for want of a better word - sorry) of saying she wanted to die and thought about killing herself.

In her case it was manipulation and a cry for attention. We know this because she was seen by a counsellor who concluded that she exhibited none of the danger signs (paraphrasing here) and was just seeking attention but lacked the emotional maturity to fully understand what suicide actually was.

Maybe your daughter has heard of suicide (an off-hand comment of, I just wanted to kill myself either IRL or television) mentioned it to you and seen the reaction.

I hope you don't think I'm discounting your situation and fears - I just wanted to offer up something we had experienced.

**Butterfly Dawn** · January 8th, 2013, 07:59 PM

Does she do outside classes?
Something physical would be good so she can get the endorfines (sp) I'm just clutching at straws.

You are doing so well

it may not feel like it but you are.
You can't police everything she sees and hears etc.

I do still think you need help with your ex and fingers crossed this appt will start the ball rolling with help for u, her and him.
Hugs hugs and more hugs.
A few more days...