Biting

[Hoody]

This is a bit of a vent and any advice would be appreciated

My DD1 has just turned 2 and has always been a biter Its as though nothing i try works. She goes 1 day a week to FDC and on the day she goes there are 3 other children in care a girl 2 months younger and then 2x 4yo's. The last 2 weeks DD1 has Bitten the girl who is similar in age. I was given a fact sheet on biting etc and FDC lady has spoken to me regarding on how to treat it when it happens. She has been very nice about it understanding as at 2yr's she believes it's a frustration issue to do with communication between the 2 girls etc. She has also told me that the other child pushes dd1's buttons and often provokes the biting. DD will not bite for no reason iykwim it is generally when fighting over toys etc. I'm not defending DD1 at all but it's not like she just will walk up to anyone and bite. Anyway i have had a phone call this evening from the lady who runs the FDC and the other girls parents are very upset about this. I do understand to some degree but again my DD1 is only 2 and if it was in reverse yes i'd be upset but also understanding iykwim (my DD has been bitten by other children in the past so we have been on the other end.) Well i have been asked not to send DD1 next week as it will be the last week the other child will be attending on the same day as her parent fear for her safety and will be swapping days themselves. I can understand why etc but at the same time and very upset and annoyed by it all. Has anyone been through something similar and how did you deal with the biting? I would love any advice as its really bothering me. I am the only other person she bites and it only ever an attention seeking thing when i am busy and she is vying for my attention. At the moment i put her in timeout for 1.5mins and try to explain to her why and then make her apologise, then we carry on as normal.

[mrsmac]

Wow sounds a bit OTT from the other parents. MY DS has been bitten a couple of times by another boy at FDC, the last time he had a big bruise in the shape of teeth marks, I was sad for DS but also for the other bub's mum who was just mortified. This other boy won't be 2 until August and he bites for no reason- just walks up to the other kids and bites them which i find more worrying than your DD's behaviour which has a reason.
I think you are doing all you can and TBH I think the other girl's parents need to think about their DDs behaviour too. I can't believe you have been asked to keep her out of care next week either, surely that can't be legal.
Anyway I have rambled with out actually helping sorry, :hugs: to you I think you are doing all you should/ can.

[Hoody]

Thanks Mrsmac i am absolutely mortified and i think thats the reason i agreed to keep her home next week i am not happy about it though. I have a 4 month old and use that day to run all my errands so now i cant. I too think it a bit OTT of the other parents but they probably just think they have an angel and i have a monster.

[Hoody]

Another Q. I have not been told if i have to pay my fee's next week even though i've been asked to keep DD home. Is it unreasonable for meto refuse to as i dont thini i should have to as its not like she is sick or my choice really to keep her home.

[mrsmac]

Absolutely you should not have to pay!! I would bring that up before next week and say well I am sorry but if I have to pay I am sending her. Is your FDC run by a governing body? I would be speaking to them.

[Hoody]

It is run by our local shire/council etc and i have had no problems with it in the pasy i love the carer, DD loves it etc its just so hard that one behavioural problem (that has only happened twice whilst she has been in care might i add) is causing so many problems. I will def ring the family day care scheme manager at my local council and ask for advice/support. I dont think my carer is the real problem i think it all stems down to the other little girls parents.

I had hardly any sleep last night worrying about it and when i did still couldnt get the thought out of my head that people out there think my daughter is too much of a risk for their children to spend the day with. My DD is not a monster she is a normal toddler who shows her frustrations through her actions, some hit, push and shove etc but my DD bites. Her bites have only been mild at that- no bruises or blood etc. I just dont know what to do. Dh and i have decided to be alot stricter and firmer with the biting over the next few days to see if it improves but its not like she bites constantly iykwim only when very frustrated so not necessarily daily.

[mrsmac]

I agree with you that it is the other parents causing the problem Hoody. I know that no one wants their child to be bitten but anyone with children should understand that these things happen ( not being mean but I bet she's an only child!)
I would ring the council and check about the paying thing is she is excluded.

[Nazela]

My DD (3) has started biting, but dont think its happening at preschool, it only occurs when shes playing with the neighbours daughter (whos an aggressive player) but like your DD it only occurs when its over a toy and provoked usually (no all cases) - coz the girl usually snatches, pushes, swears or hits my DD and i told DD not to allow ANYONE to do any of that to you - but i swear i never told her to bite....

About the fees - i would definitely tell the FDC that if they dont want your DD to come then you wont pay as its not a public holiday nor is she sick at home.

[RobynG]

You poor thing Hoody. I think the other parents are being completely unreasonable. Your talking little kids here and biting is very common in most childcare settings. Sometimes kids do it because they are overwhelmed and like you said unable to express or communicate in other ways. That mother is just as likely to experience another biter in another FDC place when she moves her elsewhere. Its Crazy. I feel for you though. My son 22 months, is a hitter and its so embarressing. He can really whack other kids out of excitiement or frustration. I have been at my wits end teaching him not to do it and have taken a similar approach to you with time out and telling him no. Good luck. Might be worth complaining to the council if you are made to pay the day you have been asked to stay away.

[Sus]

Hi
We have just had our DS come home with 3 horrible bite marks(one on the jaw line and two on his chest) on him so we are taking him out of the place(he only goes one day a week)....not because he has been bitten as we know fine well that things like this happen but because not one of the staff members picked it up so we feel if they cant notice something like that then they wont be able to notice other things happen which when your placing your child in their care you expect them to look after them not neglect!! My DH and I have been to the daycare and asked how on earth the could have missed him being bitten that many times but all we are getting is an I dont know answer which is just not good enough. Dont feel bad about your DD biting as when she is not in your care it is there responsibility to try and prevent it from happening! She will soon grow out of it!

Sus xx

[Hoody]

Sus- sorry to hear about your DS been bitten and i completely understand why you are moving him from that care. In our situation the carer was aware of the bites dealt with the situation appropriately and gave incident reports to both myself and the other parents involved so we both new about it. The 2nd week she kept a closer eye on the 2 girls but it still happened. I guess with FDC though its easier to monitor. In our FDC there are only 3 children in care on the day my DD goes. Where abouts in perth are you? If you go to your local shire/council theres lots of FDC homes around.

Since the other child has been moved my DD has not bitten anyone whilst in care my carer has been lovely and not had any problems with my DD's behaviour. I did not get asked about the fees for the day that she did not attend.