Helping them settle in?

[summerluven]

How did you help your child settle in to long day care?

DS and I have spent a wee bit of time at the day care centre that he will be going to three days a week in a fortnights time. But i was thinking that I would help him settle off to sleep there for his first day, and kind of ease him in to it that way, but after speaking to the director there she said that in her experience, that does seem to cause more harm than good and that at the end of the day they have to get used to it and that in her experience the longer the parents were involved in the orientation process and the longer the orientation was, the more the child had trouble settling in and the longer the settling process took.

Your thoughts? I am of two minds. I can kinda see where she is comning from, that is why I asked her, because that thought has crossed my mind, but I can't just drop him there one day and expect him to fall asleep in a strange cot in a strange house, being put to bed by strangers?

The thought of it just makes me want to cry!!

[Kazbah]

I took a week to settle Pip into care. He started at 8mths for 3 days a week.

As we had to take/pay for the position sooner than we really wanted, I have the luxury of being able to take the time to do it before going to work in March.

The first day I went there, played with him for about an hour, the director suggested the morning play time would be best for that, and then left him to go to the docs. I picked him up after about 90mins and took him home for his nap.

The second day I went there, played with him for about a half hour, left him there for about 3 hours, picked him up and brought him home for his nap.

The third day, I went there, played with him for about 15mins, left him there for about 5 hours, picked him up after his nap.

Pip never cried when I left him there.

Last week there was a little boy in his first day - his mum had just left him there after a 5-min handover. He was crying the whole day. The next day his mum came and played with him first, and he didn't cry when she left him there the third day.

So definately go in an play with him! If you're still BFing, then give him a feed while you're there (they can't argue with that!) and leave him when he's playing happily.

Good luck!

[meow]

Rubbish. Think about when you go somewhere totally new and out of your comfort zone- it would help if you had your partner or a familiar friend there with you wouldn't it? Of course it does- it gives you some security while you suss out this new place and how things work. So I absolutely think you staying for a while will help your son to orientate.

That said, I know what the director is getting at as some parents linger in a way that makes their anxiety obvious and that doesn't help the child feel secure. If you can stay and show your son that you are comfortable in that environment, then start by leaving him for short periods as Kazbah suggested I think it would really help.

[Claire]

When my DD first started I would stay 20 or so mins in the morning, breastfeed her and then go back at lunchtime and spend my lunchtime there (breastfeed again) and then go back and pick her up a few hours later. All in all she was never there for more than 4 hours without seeing me.

I think it did her transition wonders. I kept it up for about 5 months until she dropped the lunchtime feed and I started using the time to go to the gym! They never complained about me being there at all. I never helped her go to sleep there though - just because she slept in between the times I was there. Instead I introduced a piece of muslin which I slept with and that helped her a lot.

[Arimeh]

Ok so people are going to think I'm a bad mother (but thats ok) but when I had to put DS into day care, it started as three days a week, and I needed it urgently as I had to fill in for a person at work who had just lost her husband.
I rang the day care on friday morning, asked for any placements, scored a place, asked to come in that day with DH - so we went in, checked out the place and then put down the deposit.

On the following Monday, I took DS there - spent about 5 minutes there, and dropped him off. He didn't ever cry when I left him there for the first few months, and has only now started to cry a little because he is having a rough time teething. But the girls there are wonderful and take him over to the sandpit, or the trees, and he has already stopped after about 20 seconds. And he never cries when I'm not there - only if he is hungry or overtired of course!!!

So I sorta see her point.

[Karina]

I was about to post this same question! I asked about it today while I was at daycare with Claire. She's starting 3 days a week on 10th of March. Ours in Family Day Care though, so not a centre. Our carer recommended that we come in a couple of times for a few short sessions (2 or so hours) and she said the children tend to settle better if the parents do that. She also told me that it helps if you put the child to sleep there, just the first time, to show them that its ok to sleep there and its not a scary place.

[~Kim~]

Aricyn's mum no you aren't. Like you I needed an urgent place after we were moving to a country town hundreds of kms from our family and DH got posted interstate at the same time.
Darcy went for a couple of hours the first moving day and I stayed. The second moving in day she went for the morning for about 4 hours (that was the friday). She actually had a sleep with the other kids voluntarily...just trotted in there with them and laid down (she was the worlds worst sleeper so that was a miracle).
She started her 3 days a week on the monday after that. She has never cried and is perfectly happy to trot in there.
The girls there are great and I trust them implicitly. I only work a minute away (when I'm not on the road).
I tell her everyday that I'll be back to pick her up later.
You'd be surprised what they're happy to do if the other kids are doing it.

But either way, the director surely can't tell you not to do what you want....

[summerluven]

OH my god Mel...you are a terrible mum. Just kidding hun! You prove her point that kids get used to things and that with the right carers can cope very well. Every bub is different though, I know my girlfriends little one wouldn't cope no matter what they did, and hasn't coped, but he is one of those kinda kids. A very sensitive soul and easily upset. DS has always shown himself to be very flexible and resilient and quick to adjust to changes.

Having said that, I think I will stick to my original plan, to stay there and play for the first morning and help him get to sleep there for his first sleep, and then on his next day play for a bit but make it a shorter time and let the girls there try to get him to sleep.

I think the Director was worried that I might have spent a few sessions helping him to sleep, but that isn't what I meant at all...I just meant the first time. They offer free orientation - whenever you want for as long as you want, before you start, and she really encourages that and is very happy when you turn up to just 'hang out' for a bit, so I don't thikn she was trying to suggest that I just drop him off - more that I not involve myself too much.