Hun, I think that using child care one day a week is a great idea. I do believe that it is good for most children (not all), as they get a different type of socialisation and different activities. I also think it's good for children to have a mum who isn't totally exhausted and has nothing to give. Having been pg with a toddler, and also having a nb and a toddler, all I can say to is that you will benefit from the break and you will be a better mummy to both your beautiful children for doing this.
Jack had been in day care while I was working, and I changed him down to 1 day a week at a different centre when I went on maternity leave for Tom (which turned out to be when Tom was born as he arrived 4 weeks early). Jack did take longer to settle into the new centre as it was only day a week. I think that 2 days would have helped him settle in more quickly. But he did settle in, and he wasn't too upset. If you can afford it, and bring yourself to do it, maybe you could start her at 2 days a week just for 3 or 4 weeks and then drop her back. But even if you just go with 1 day, she will settle in. In between kindy days, you can be talking to her about what she does at kindy, and doing some of the same activities (even role-playing role call, morning tea time etc - Jack loves doing this). That would help her settle in more quickly too.
I HTH hun. Please don't feel guilty. This is a good idea, and your DD will be just fine.
i haven't read all the responses... but i started a similar thread to this not long ago, something about childcare and socialisation.... i too did some research and also read that kids only going one day wouldn't transition as well as others doing 2+ days etc etc... i have two retired parents who mind my dd (16 months) three days a week, i didn't actually NEED to use childcare, but i just thought dd would maybe benefit from going...
in the end i decided against it, after dd getting sick after EVERY session at playgroup, i just thought how much worse it would be at childcare.... also i found some interesting material opposing parents trying to 'socialise' their babies through childcare.... it gave me a lot to think about and i decided she was too young for me to be expecting her to be 'social', IYKWIM.... we go to playgroup reasonably regularly, and she has gone from being a clingy baby, to a pretty well adjusted toddler running about playing...
if you google childcare for socialisation etc you might find the stuff i came across... it was dead against it in babies this young (for the reason of clingy-ness/socialisation).... anyways obviously if you NEED childcare thats a different story... i know lots of kids thrive in childcare and have nothing against it, and maybe one day dd will go when she is older, but i think its important its used for the right reasons - you're little girl is clingy cos she wants her mum, thats perfect natural and normal, give her a couple of months she might surprise you and come out of her shell..... is there a playgroup you can go to? i found the difference between my dd from say 13 months, to 15 months HUGELY significant - she really came into her own.
anyways good luck im sure you'll work out whats best for you xx
I tried to get DD2 into daycare one day a week when DS was 3 weeks old, just for a break, but there was no room in the under 3's room.
So as soon as she turned 3 we went over & finished her enrolment & she's been going every Thursday ever since. She loves it & I get one day a week with DS alone.
Its good for all of us.
DD2 gets to interact with other kids her age & has LOADS of fun & I get a break.
I have NO family around at all & That is the only time I get with out all the kids around fighting for my attention.
DD2 is 3, so adjusted pretty easy. DD1 started going occasionally when she was 15 months. She went for 3 months, then started again when she was 2 one day a week.
I was SAHM then & am now, but I think the kids need time with other kids.
& mums need time out to scratch their bums & shave their legs!!
No way do I think you're lazy!
Darcy is in ATM because I work, but in a few short months I won't be and I have no plans to change her going.
I aslo like that it is bolstering her immunity to stuff we wouldn't normally come into contact with (different spin on the snotty nosed kids thing if it helps).
We just started sending DD to daycare the other week and I spose we don't really *have* to. My mum has looked after Natty on my work days for the last 6 months. And FIL has had her on occasion too. But it became a hassle when mum planned to go on holidays etc, so I decided to just send her - seemed much easier to do so.
I've got her in two days/week, so can't comment on the one day/week thing. We're still adjusting/settling in
I don't think you're lazy at all. I have noticed a change in Natty already. She is heaps more confident with the other kids at playgroup (she used to rarely let me out of her sight, and would often cling to my leg the whole time. And this is the mothers' group we've been with since she was 3 months old!) Now she is comfortable for a bit longer, though she still likes to have regular contact with me. So the social aspect of it has already been a big plus for her.
And the snotty nose thing... You just can't escape it, Babes. She'll get sick. But it's gotta happen sometime.
DD started preschool this year and although i felt guilty at first because I'm on mat leave at the moment, it is the BEST thing we've ever done. She LOVES it. She is a very energetic, active little girl and when DS arrived i just felt like she wasn't getting the time, attention, stimulation, interaction etc that she needed. She goes 1.5 days a week (preschool closes at lunch time on Thursdays) and next year I'm considering putting her in another day in preparation for school the following year, she loves it that much.
She was 3 though and I was very lucky, despite her never being in care before we've not had a single tear or even a hesitation. The first day I came back to pick her up she stood at the fence and yelled at me to get back in the car and go home - OK, it's funny now, but it broke my heart at the time! LOL. I went into it with the plan that if it was distressing for either of us (mainly her! LOL) we would take her straight out and try again next year.
The main reason I did it was for her, but I must admit I love having those days with just me and DS. I feel like he's getting my undevoted attention and I can just enjoy him without having to chase DD around. As well as the advantages others have mentioned like getting groceries done or just putting DS in the pram and hitting the shops - much easier with one child than two.
The illness thing does suck though...she's been sick more often in the last 6 months than in her entire life. Worse than that though is she brings it home and DS gets it too. He's up to cold #5....DD didn't get sick at all until she was about 18 months old. So that's sucked, but it's the one negative.
Last edited by Willow; August 15th, 2008 at 09:25 PM.
DD1 first went into childcare when she was 1, I did have 1 day a week work then. I bumped her up to 2 days at the change of the year so I could get more work and also have some time to myself (I worked 2 days one week and 1 day the next). She definitely settled in more once she went to 2 days.
We moved at the start of the year and initially she was not in care as I was not working. I found thought that she missed it, plus being pregnant I was having lots of appointments and needed some rest as the little miss stopped having naps. Both here and back in Melb, there was no family for support. I used occasional care of 2 hours a couple of times a week, often when I had something to do, but sometimes as she really enjoyed and asked for it. I was also taking her to playgroup, but it was just not enough for her. Managed to get her 1 day a week and I also used 1 session of occasional care, she had no trouble going between both. Finally managed to get a 2nd day, so I dropped the occasional care. She still goes to playgroup.
The great advantage of having her in care when pregnant is that when I went into hospital, DH did not have to take the whole week off work, she still went into care. DH saved leave days which were used to spend more time with us when we came home. Also it was a bit of consistency for DD1 during all the change of having mummy away and then coming home with a baby. I still have her in care, I find it beneficial mentally and physically. I get to spend some one on one time with bubs, bubs is calmer due to not having her big sis in her face all day, I get to have some sleep and it is easier to run around in town with one rather than two. Also when I am ready to pick up work to do from home I wont have to rush around and find some care for her.
Remember we are mothers, not matyrs. In these days without family being just around the corner, some of us have to create our village in other ways, if that means using childcare then we should not be made to feel lazy or guilty.
I've unfortunately had to take DS out of CC today - he was going 3 days a week but I have since started Maternity Leave and it just comes down to finances.
I would have loved for him to go 1 day a week to the point where I was still begging the owner to consider it this afternoon on his last day, however their policy is that children attend a minimum of 2 days and well i just can't justify the additional expense.
We are starting Playgroup next week and hopefully he will enjoy that - in the mean time I'm going to try and find him care 1 day a week but might just wait and see how it all pans out.
I say if you have the opportunity to go 1 day a week give it a go - you can always stop.
In regards to sickness - can you look at starting her in Spring?? it's closer than you think - trust me I'm counting down the days - I'm so over Winter and each day gone is 1 day closer to my due date
It looks like I am one of the very few, but you did ask so I am just going to jump right in & answer!!
Personally (& it is SUCH a personal choice honey, so no matter what anyone says here you HAVE to do what you feel is right...), I wouldn't put my DD in childcare if I didn't have to. The thought actually makes me quite anxious but that is my hang up lol. I'm not sure if I can put my feelings as to why down here as clearly as I would like, but the main "issues" I would have are the sickness thing (she's not been sick at all yet, touch wood) and just that I would miss her & worry that she wasn't being looked after the same way as I would IYKWIM. She is going to be little for such a short amount of time & I want to enjoy it, enjoy her, nuture her as much as I can & all that jazz lol. Luckily, I don't have to work right now, we aren't rich but we aren't starving either & I am so lucky that I don't have to make that CC choice, like I said, it makes me anxious just to think about.
As for the 'socialising' side of things, I am pretty sure that babies don't actually actively socialise until around 2? I have 'The Science of Parenting' around here somewhere, that's where I read it, will try to hunt it out to tell you what it says exactly, but again, if you feel that your DD loves playing with other kids then your DD loves playing with other kids!
As for having or wanting 'me' time, I am happy for DP to watch Punky when he gets home so I can have a nice long shower (shhhhhhhhhhh!) or leave her with him for an hour or two on his day off while I go for an outing to the shops, doesn't take much to make me happy & I miss her when I'm out anyway.
I'm with Mel - you tell us if you get any hate mail (the very thought! on MY BB!! ) & we'll sort 'em out! *cracks knuckles*
I am a SAHM and I put DD1 in daycare at 15months. She loved it from the start. She did struggle with illness last winter (that was her first winter) but this year she is not so bad.
I think 2 days is much better than one if you can afford it. Unfortunately I am not sure if we can afford to put DD2 into daycare for 2 days so we may just do the one.
I may hold off with DD2 as she seems to have a different personalitly to DD1...
I love daycare days as it is my time to regroup a bit...believe me I don't sit on my tushie and watch TV...I usually work in DH's office, do friends hair or house work.
If you have a bub on the way I would recommend putting her in now. She needs time to adjust plus she'll have a baby in the house soon and this will be another adjustment period.
I can't believe you got private hate messages...that is so not BB spirit!!!!
I don't "have" to have DD1 or DD2 in CC and yet I chose to, and have always chosen to - starting with just one afternoon a week when DD1 was 8 mo. Without family close by to babysit on occasion, it is really the only child/baby free time I've ever had. The benefit to me is that I'm energised, more organised, more present and switched on with my children as a result of having quality time away from them. They too enjoy the change in environment, the new people they meet.
However, having said this, my preference has always been for family day care. I always felt slightly uneasy on those occasions when I needed to leave DD1 in a CC instead of FDC, as I don't feel the institutional environment is best. So if you still feel that time away from DD would benefit you but have reservations about the centre, I'd encourage you to check out the FDC scheme in your area as another option.
Good luck and I hope it's a smooth transition for you!
PS I too am shocked that anyone would send PMs like that!
QUeenmab - i hear you !! lol DD has been at my side for 14 months - been babysat twice (for a few hours at a time) and not because i dont want people to look after her - i just dont want to miss out on anything
I will put her in and see how she goes - i am sure i can take her out again (if a few weeks notice lol). And i am looking into family day care! thanks! it sounds nice.
p.s looks like my sole bodyguard has found herself a possy! lmao!
First up may I just say that I am disgusted that anyone sent you "hate mail" etc and that those people should be very very ashamed of themselves!!!! Just pathetic!
I think I may have replied to your previosu thread, but to give you some support:
WHen DD was three we had no other kids around, she has no social stimulation with other children. SO I decided to put her in ONE day a week.
She was fine with the one day a week thing and I never had any problems with it, infact at first I truly think that 2 days straight up would have been too much for her.
I didnt work days, but did work part time evenings and weekends so I guess there wasnt really a "need" for child care, but there certainly was a need for my little one to develop herself socially and emotionally so I believe it was the best thing by her.
I work 2 1/2 days, DH works 4 long and one short day (full time but odd hours). I have my half-day when DH has a full day, I have a full day when DH has a half-day. And I leave DS in nursery on those Tuesday afternoons! I have NO other time off. DH is away all weekend on some stupid work team-building thing (and I hope the bloody boat has capsized in the middle of the Channel and he hasn't caught any fish for his dinner... DS didn't go to sleep til gone 9 tonight, usually 7.30-8), I don't get that luxury so I don't feel guilty. Looking after children can be really taxing, especially when you do as fantastic a job as we all do, and we need time to recover from that.
DS is in his nursery three different days and is fine with it, but he was fine the first time I left him there. The first nursery he hated - and he was happy with one and hating the other at the same time. Under 3 weeks to get him settled at the new place and that was 2 days a week then. He is also fine for his grandparents. His grandparents have looked after him a grand total of four times (or is it three? I'll be generous and go with four) over a period of six months and he was fine all those times. If you have a good nursery then your child will enjoy going there and be settled. It may take a bit longer if it's just one day a week but it really amazed me the first time I left DS, just for an hour, he didn't cry once and when I returned was playing so happily he didn't even bother to look up and see me! When I drop him off he runs off to play, when I pick him up he finishes what he's doing, has a cuddle and then tells me about his day. He loves it. More than being at home with me all day! Haven't noticed more illnesses either, but then it is summer here and he was breastfed all of last winter. Having said that, all his mates, his nursery chums, his girlfriend, kids he loves playing with in the park and at playgroup, all of them had chicken pox and not DS so maybe he as a really strong immune system anyway.
In short, if I could afford not to work and put DS in nursery then I'd do it in a shot.
my husband works overseas for 6 weeks at a time and then has 2 weeks back here, my family and his family are both overseas so I don't have that support. DD goes to CC 1 day a week, it is the best thing for her and me, from the first day she didn't shed a tear when I left her and I feel totally comfortable leaving her there - when I go to pick her up she doesn't want to leave and it is hugs all round between her, the carers and the other kids. I don't work and I do this purely to have a break, catch up on cleaning, errands and mentally give myself some time out, otherwise it would be 24 hours a day 7 days a week for me. I don't feel guilty about leaving DD in care to have time for myself, I know it makes me a happier mummy and that can only be a good thing.
Give it a go and you will know pretty quickly how your DD feels about it but don't feel guilty about doing it.
As for those sending you 'hate' mail, I would have reported them to the mods, this is not what Belly Belly is all about, a big boo hoo to them.
We have this week just started our little guy 2 days a week, admittedly so I can go back to work to enjoy some "mummy time"! Our families provide very limited support to us so for us it was the only way.
It was hard to find the right care set up for us, Family Day Care is very thin on the ground in my area and initially I had a real thing against creche due primarily to my seeing kids with runny noses every time I looked at one. After getting through the year and Zac having been ill with coughs and colds from mother's group, DH bringing them home from work, going to the shops (!) I have realised to a certain degree it comes with the territory and like Lucy am hoping that Zac's immunity will build early on in his life as a result.
We eventually found the right centre near work.
One week down - Zac did not cry on our leaving him or collecting him. Only a little during the day when he woke up. A good feed helped him through that. He has already come home doing and saying different things and whilst it is an adjustment (and we have our first cough already!) nothing, touch wood, has otherwise majorly changed in terms of his routine etc.
Like you I was lucky enough to almost be able to choose what to do with regards to CC. I work for myself, but I got DH to agree that DD wouldn't go into any CC-type arrangement until she was 2. Until then I swapped a day with a friend who had a DS the same age. So I would have her DS and my DD for one day at my house and she would have them another day. I am doing that again now with another friend.
This year she started one day a week at a local private preschool (there aren't many that take them from the age of 2, most start at 3). I was more comfortable with this than CC and took her there on several visits to make sure she liked it. I like the educational structure and focus and it's 9-3 as for any normal school day. She had absolutely no problems settling in, I got a few tears when I first left but they were gone before I was even out of the door. None since. She loves it there, has lots of friends and is learning more than what I could teach her alone.
Another friend who has a DD the same age uses family day care, where her DD goes to an approved carer registered with the council with only a few other children 2 days a week. Ring your local council to see if anyone has any places available. I also have a cousin who does this in Qld and I think it's a great option if you find someone you like. You aren't obliged to go through with it if you don't feel it's the right fit.
Just a few ideas - hope you sort something out soon!
(PS The colds thing during winter is a nightmare - they really are constantly sick and so too is everyone else at home as a result! But my DD has gotten over every cold relatively easily and I am hoping she might continue bfing through next winter as well to help with that!).
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- OK, it's funny now, but it broke my heart at the time! LOL. I went into it with the plan that if it was distressing for either of us (mainly her! LOL) we would take her straight out and try again next year.
- trust me I'm counting down the days - I'm so over Winter and each day gone is 1 day closer to my due date 
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