How do I handle this one????

**Leonie P** · January 1st, 2010, 01:54 PM

MODSI wasn't too sure where to put this so please move it if it's in the wrong spot.

Last night DS-5yrs and DD-4yrs were having a shower. I went off to get their pj's and towels as I came back I overheard DD saying "then you lick my gina" then walked in to find DD with DS's penis in her mouth. She quickly sat up when she realised I was there. I asked the what made them think to do that. DS replied "Daycare".
Today I have been able to gently extract a bit more info from DS.
He said he saw one of the little boys had done it with one of the little girls, they were hiding around the corner near the brick wall and the bubbler because the little boy likes the little girl and little boy asks little girl and she does what little boy wants her to do.
We have had the 'Nobody touches your penis or vagina but you' talk many times before.

How do I handle this one???? What do I say to my kids, should I probe more myself or leave it or just go to the director or straight to the police????

**delphmoon** · January 1st, 2010, 02:02 PM

No advice here, but what a difficult scenario to encounter- I would definitely approach the director...

**briggsy's girl** · January 1st, 2010, 02:05 PM

you need to reinforce (gently) the boundaries for your own children. they need to know you know about it, and that it's wrong for that to happen - either with each other, or with anyone else.

as for the day care thing - i'd probably go to the director of the centre as they may not be aware of it (though it worries me that your children have seen it but staff haven't) - if they seem reluctant to act on it, then go to the police. the child in question may have seen something and not realise it's wrong, but it needs to be addressed before it comes something more.

hugs hun - not something you want to be dealing with - hope you can get to the bottom of it

**Rainbow_Mumma** · January 1st, 2010, 02:14 PM

At DD1's old daycare centre they had a similar situation where they found a few children in the cubby house lying on top of one another "playing sex" the director was informed and action was quickly taken DHS and the police stepped in and even had an educational chat with the children explaining how innapropriate (sp?) that kind of behaviour was etc.
So I would definately be contacting the director if things like that are happening it definatly needs to be addressed and quickly. Just dont be too hard on your own children they didnt know what they were doing was wrong they are just children experimenting with what they have seen and heard at the day care. Maybe even try set up some sort of a meeting with all the parents to discuss what is happening

**Oorki Galoorki** · January 1st, 2010, 02:29 PM

Depending on the age it is "normal" for sex play
what happened to leonies children isnt something i would consider normal. infact any clothes off isnt.

definatley have a big chat again with the kids and definatley the director! if the kids are able to get naked there isnt enough supervision happening at the centre.

**Leonie P** · January 1st, 2010, 02:41 PM

Well after much deliberation I think I'm going to not discuss it further with my children and start ensuring supervised showers.

DH and I are also going to meet with the director first thing Monday. I'll guage her response to see my next step.

**briggsy's girl** · January 1st, 2010, 03:09 PM

hun, i respect supervised showers, but make sure you discuss it, even just while you're dressing them or whatever, as to what normal boundaries are. inappropriate play can happen any time - and you want to make sure they're aware of what is right and wrong (i'm saying this from experience - my nephew was exposed to some inappropriate stuff by his cousin when they were five - nephew didn't know any different as it wasn't actively discussed - they just happened to be "sprung" - the boys weren't allowed to be unsupervised again for a lot of time until the cousin underwent counselling and they were able to trust him again.) at the ages your children are, you don't constantly supervise - they play in their rooms and things...)

**Rouge** · January 1st, 2010, 03:19 PM

Something does need to be said to them. Personal boundaries is something that needs to be taught from a young age. And if it isn't it can lead to all sorts of problems, stemming from not knowing what is ok to happen to them or even what is ok to do to others. It's not something you should be ashamed of and it will not damage them to know that what they did wasn't ok and to teach them what personal boundaries they need for themselves and they need to give others. Even if it makes you uncomfortable it's something that is extremely important. Second to that if you don't know exactly what to say you can contact relationships austrlia or similar and they will put you in contact with a sex education counsellor who will give you the best advice on how to deal with this situation.

**Oorki Galoorki** · January 1st, 2010, 03:47 PM

there is also the book "everyone has a bottom" would be perfect to show them they are the ones who make the rules about thier bodies.

**Leonie P** · January 1st, 2010, 04:29 PM

We have had the 'Nobody touches your penis or vagina but you' talk many times before. along with the 'and you don't touch any one elses penis or vagina'
I'm more concerned with the 2 children involved at Daycare. Where does the little boy get the idea to do that, why wasn't there more supervision and what about the little girl...

**Leonie P** · January 3rd, 2010, 07:31 AM

I've made an appointment with the Director of the centre for first thing Monday.
I am so torn and confused. I just can't stop thinking about what if DS has just made this up. The particular little boy in question frequently picks on DS and his friends. I have quite a few times asked DS "why did you do that?" when he has done something wrong here at home and he's relpied "__ made me do it" but then again if he's done that then where did he get this kind of sexual knowledge from anyway to pin on this little boy???

**whoops** · January 3rd, 2010, 07:54 AM

I think you are doing the right thing by speaking to the director and I would assume that if it was this boy, then he is probably being molested, which may explain his behaviour. So you could potentially be helping him as well.

Also, I would like to add that a lot of parents forget to teach children that their mouths are a no go area as well as the genitals. This is really important as a lot of sex offenders, can cohoax children into using their mouths. Just wanted to add that for anyone who had not thought about it. I have worked with sex offenders within my job.

**BrightSparkles** · January 3rd, 2010, 08:27 AM

I've made an appointment with the Director of the centre for first thing Monday.
I am so torn and confused. I just can't stop thinking about what if DS has just made this up. The particular little boy in question frequently picks on DS and his friends. I have quite a few times asked DS "why did you do that?" when he has done something wrong here at home and he's relpied "__ made me do it" but then again if he's done that then where did he get this kind of sexual knowledge from anyway to pin on this little boy???

I can understand your concern here. However, i don't believe this is something that your DS would have made up. This kind of behaviour (by the other kids) is a learnt behaviour and to me sounds like something they unfortunatly have experiences. While I understand that sex play is normal this type of behaviour is well and truely out of the norm.

You are doing the right thing by talking to the director of the CC. They need to know that this is happening so the appropriate people can be informed. They will also have a knowledge of how to gently talk to the kids without tainting thier story if it is actually abuse that is happening here.

I agree with all the PPs by informing and continuing to reinforce with your kids whats appropriate and whats not. I believe that talking about this kind of thing will may it not seem so tabu making it easier for them to talk to you about it if they or somone they know was put into a difficult situation.

A hard situation to be in. Let us know how you go hun.

xx

smiles4u · January 3rd, 2010, 11:12 AM

...................... thanks heaps Kate, will look into getting it for sure !!! xOxOx

**Beatrix** · January 3rd, 2010, 12:18 PM

Hun i just wanted to share a similar situation that occured at our local daycare centre, so thatyou dont feel its all that uncommon.

Unfort some children are not brought up in a environment where sexual interactions between adults are ad discret as they should be.

our child care centre had a penis incident as well involving two young boys aged around 4, with one informing the other that he was meant to drink his wee..

It was brought to the ddirectors attention and dealt with quickly, DHS were involved as were the police and a 'talk' was done amongst the children.

Please make sure the director follows up because in our case the child involved needed DHS to help him.