Co-Sleep?????????

[hj1981]

Honestly i don't understand the need/want for it?! maybe im a horrible mum but i believe that the reason my child has a room and a cot is to sleep in it! and i think its part and parcel of them growing up and becomming independant! once they reach a certain age they are no longer babies anymore! although in my eyes Miss B will always be my baby even when she is 30! but hopefully u get what i mean!
However i have read about alot of ppl Co-Sleeping!
Now without anyone taking any offence pleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeeee
Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?

How long you plan on doing it for?

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?

If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out? and wouldn't it be harder for them to than adjust to at long last sleeping in their own bed, as opposed to if you had of just stuck it out and perserveed at the start and got them use to sleeping in their own beds?!

Don't get me wrong i have nothing against it - each to their own i say - i just have never felt the need for it - but we still have cuddle time in the bed in the morning when Miss B wakes up!

[Laranna]

I co-sleep with DD because it makes night time feeds easier and I don't have to get up so I get more rest. I did the same with DS. Then when his night feeds dropped off he slept in his cot next to my bed which I still consider as co-sleeping. Then when he was sleeping through the night we moved his cot back into his own room.

The night time snuggles are nice

ETA: I've also heard that SAFE co-sleeping can help reduce risk of SIDS.

[Lady-bug]

The first reason was to make night time feeds easier, not having to get up and therefore getting more rest.

I think its odd that you carry a baby for 9 months and then when are born, putting them in a room away from you. (Please don't be offended, just my opinion)

DS has a bed in his bedroom and when he is ready I'm sure he will be happy to sleep in there.

When we have another bub, I'm happy for all of us to sleep in the same bed, if that is where everyone gets the most sleep.

[2CheekyMonkeys]

Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
similar to previous posts, only way that i could get some sleep. couldnt get up so many times each night to feed. i breastfeed while laying down and sleep while she feeds. closeness.. i dont stress about if she is sick, too hot, too cold, because i am right there and so dont feel the need to go check her a million times. i have heard the SIDS thing too. also, i sleep better when she is there. she starts off her sleep in her cot and then i go get her when she wakes up about 11pm and she is in with us the rest of the night. sometimes i go get her earlier (even when she hasnt woken up on her own) cause i want her LOL

How long you plan on doing it for?
until she sleep for longer stretches at a time or until she grows out of it. from experience with DD1 (she started off in her bed and then eventually stopped waking up and coming in t ous but just woke up in her own room in the morning) and that was at about 19months, that didnt happen every night though.


And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?

DD1 used to come into us on the odd occasion in the middle of the night and get into bed with us. after DD2 came along it got too squishy.. we got a king size bed. still too squishy so we put a cot mattress on the floor in our room and she hops onto that on the nights she wakes up and coems in.

i also think that co-sleeping doesnt jeapordise (sp??) their independence. i dont know any kids older than say 8 who sleep in their mum and dads bed. plus they are independent in other ways. and in truth, i think the closeness and bonding that occured from DD1 co-sleeping helped her to feel more secure and attached,

but i also agree, sometimes it would be easier if they just slept in their room all night long.. (i would miss em though)!

[ElleJay]

We're kinda co-sleeping atm - We never wanted to, but DS starting getting restless in his basinette after only 2 hours of sleep at night, so we now co-sleep and he sleeps really well.. We're only doing it until we can afford some baby monitors and we'll then be putting him in his cot at the other end of the house (which is why we want the monitors)
my lovely, you're not a horrible mother!

[Jellyfish]

Personally and I would like to stress this is just my opinion/experience, I feel so much safer having my little baby (turning one in just over a week now so not so little really) right next to me. My breathing helps to regulate her own, my body helps to keep her warm, if she needs me I am not far from her side. I also find so much comfort in the fact that she is breastfeeding more frequently and that I don't have to get up to give her the benefits of this.

I believe the opposite is true in terms of independence. I feel that by showing my daughter I am here for her whenever she needs, she gains confidence and this is echoed in many studies. My thinking is that being in their own room/bed might teach them they HAVE to be independent and personally, I'd rather teach them they CAN be because they are secure in the fact that if things go wrong, I am right there to help. Not saying this is not possible without co-sleeping but I definitely don't think co-sleeping hinders this in any way.

[briggsy's girl]

our situation is like Heaven's - we dont exclusively co-sleep - if DD is settled, she stays in her cot. if she goes off to sleep and i'm still awake after a night time feed, i'll pop her back in her cot (in our room) so that i can cuddle DH. it works for us though. i lay down to feed her at night time - we are both more relaxed (i have a dodgy arm, so holding her for long periods gets painful, i can't relax properly, and she picks up on that) and it means we both get to sleep and/or rest better. nights like last night, we NEEDED to co-sleep for me to get any rest. DD is going through a wonder week, a bit of a growth spurt AND teething - so she's not sleeping very well. in the six hours from midnight to 6am, i counted 8 full wake ups - and she attached herself another three or four times. if i got out of bed and tried to feed and settle her each time, i'd be a zombie.

i don't personally feel there is anything wrong with co-sleeping. i used to wonder why people would do it - but i changed my mind because it works for us. DD sleeps better if she is feeling off color. we sleep better. we are very close. i don't want her to feel neglected.

as to what would happen if we have another - well, that's a big IF for us, however, you have at least 6 months to work out ways to transition your child out of your bed if you need to. six months makes a HUGE difference in a childs development and their emotional needs. there is no need for it to seem like they are being abandoned. in the same way you wean them onto solids and less BM/formula, you can wean them off co-sleeping and into their own bed. it's not really a drama. i would never NOT allow DD into bed with us for cuddles and things if she is unwell though - even if we have another baby. we have another bed that we can use so that DH can snuggle her and me the bubba if both need us together, or vice verse.

everyone has their own levels of comfort though. there are many many people who won't engage in co-sleeping, who are more comfortable with having their child in their own bed. that's fine as well. as long as you are comfortable with what you're doing, then what everyone else is doing shouldn't impact you at all (but i understand your question was one of curiosity - and that's cool too!)

[nickle730]

We never planned to co-sleep, it happened very organically. From the first night DD6 was born, she wouldn't sleep anywhere else. She made it very clear that she wanted, needed to be near us while she slept! In the bassinet/cot she would cry and cry, put her in our bed and she would settle immediately and was straight off to sleep. It was lovely to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to check her without getting out of bed and traipsing through the house. As she got bigger she would snuggle in as she fell asleep- magic!

DS4 came along when she was 2 years 4 months old. I put the bassinet next to the bed for him, but he was very unsettled for the first 8 weeks - and NOTHING would settle him! I was prepared to co-sleep with them both (king-sized bed) to get some rest but DS was absolutely not interested. At 8 weeks he started to sleep through the night but he would only settle in his cot. As an aside, his crying (OMG... the relentless crying!!!) that first 8 weeks never woke DD, she slept right on through it!

So, DD always had her own room and we even made a big deal of her own 'big girl bed' when she turned 2. A couple of times we even tried to make her sleep in it. We all ended up so upset over the fight to get her into her own bed that eventually we stopped and wondered 'who are we doing this for??' We were all quite happy in the same bed, we all slept well, plenty of room. It was other people who had a problem with it, particularly my mum! So, we decided to let her stay in our bed until she was ready to leave, which happened when she was about 4 and a half. Honestly, I thought it was time, she was getting bigger and taking up more room!! DH though was devastated... his little girl didn't cuddle him all night any more! So, the kids are now 6 and 4... and they both sleep well in their own beds... but last night they both slept with us!!

[CrazyLady]

on nights where DD seems rather upset we all sleep better if she co sleeps. Sometimes will be 2 weeks straight and sometimes will only be an odd night. Usually during wonder weeks or when a tooth is cutting through she needs that extra comfort and I feel if she can cuddle and rest then why not? It works for us.

And Shazzi, DD did that to me the other day was sooooo gorgeous!

[shazzi]

I love co-sleeping but did not intend to do it. I think that it is good for babies to be in close proximity to their parents and independence can happen later. I have come to think that independence is an overprioritised aspect of a babies development.

Before being pregnant i thought babies should learn to be independent early and just thought i would do some sort of control crying etc like family had done. Then while pregnant DH and I discussed our developing views on our role as parents as realised we were more gentle/attachment style. We purchased a hugabub before a pram and use the sling much more as we like the physical closeness. We think that babies benefit from the emotional growth the physical closeness brings.

DD slept in the cot in the bedroom at the end of our bed at first. Then at 3 months she had heart surgery and became much more energetic and hungry (and me a wreck!). She started feeding more frequently and not going to sleep in the cot and being upset. I had already been using the hugabub for day sleeps and moving her in to the big bed meant I could respond to her needs at night without her becoming distressed. Breast feeding is easy and i never have to fully become wide awake and neither does she. When I leave her to fully wake up she will then stay awake for over an hour and play or get upset.

This morning she woke me gently by stroking my face with her hand while she was still asleep...magic.

When she starts sleeping for longer and we both seem ready (i do not know what that will mean so it is just a play it by ear thing) i will try putting her back in the cot in my room and then gradually make the transition to her own room. I do not see that happening until she is over 12 months. DH sleeps in DD's future room which means he gets a good sleep to go to work and deal with his stressful job. He does not get woken and that works for us.

I personally think that little ones need to closeness of their parents, but I know their are many different opinions. My DD was premmie and spent 6.5 weeks in hospital before coming home and that was pure torture. That has also had an impact on our parenting.

If we have a second i would not co-sleep with two in the bed. I would have encouraged DD to sleep on her own mattress and then gradually move that out to her own room and make it a big exciting move that she can take part in.

I just love going to bed and seeing my little one lying peacefully, hearing her breath and knowing that she can hear my breathing and feel me if she needs to. Like this morning.

[fionas]

It happened accidentally for me really. DD was in our room anyway but DP decided one night that he and DD would sleep in the spare room so I could get some sleep that night. I found them both in bed together in the morning and they looked so cute that I decided to try it myself. I figured if big, noisy DP hadn't woken her or rolled on to her, then surely I would be pretty safe.

I just loved it. DD slept through the night from a pretty early age but I found that she would become unsettled at around midnight so it was just really nice to put her in with me.

We did that regularly until she was 8 months old then she just seemed to stop wanting it.

She slept in a cot in our room until she was 18 months old.

These days I find any excuse to try to bring her into bed with us, I just adore it.

[Heaven]

I'm not worried about DD becoming 'independent' I'm sure she'll so it in her own time, and she's only 1, maybe if she was 5 I would be thinking 'ok, get out now!!' LOL.


Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
Well, survival mainly, LOL. At the start we didn't do it. It was uncomfortable. I always had to face DD coz I thought I'd roll on her if I didn't and I had a much worse sleep if she was in our bed. But from about 6 months we did it more regularly and from probably 8 months she's been in our bed most of the night. She starts of in her cot (in our room) and then moves to our bed at the first wake up. She still wakes up 3 or more times a night so it's way easier and I get so much more sleep. I am still waking up a lot but I feel A LOT more rested!!! Usually I just fall asleep feeding her and then when she wakes next she's still in our bed. Now she's older I know I can't squash her or anything, she would not let me! lol.

How long you plan on doing it for?
As long as it works for us. Until she starts sleeping better I guess and stays in her cot for longer.

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?
I have no idea how this will work!! Not sure what we'll do if she's still in our bed when another one comes! Makes me a bit sad really I don't want to kick her out before she's ready or just because of a new baby! So I would probably try to move her before the baby came or something, no idea.

[FabFiona]

My DH never wanted to have our baby in our bed. He was very frightened of rolling onto him whilst he was asleep.

Then DS was born and reality land set in. If Mitchell is having a bad night then I bring him into bed with us. It means I get more rest and he sleeps better anyway.

[boomba]

Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
We do because it feels so natural to have them with us...I think it must be lonely for them to be in that room all by themsleves cause i know i dont like to sleep alone I know its not for everyone but its for us I wish i would have co slept form birth with DS1 cause i would have had so much more sleep...having DS2 in bed form day one has made my life so easy! Plus I want all the cuddles i can get before i am too embarrasing for them

How long you plan on doing it for?
As long as they need the security..Ds1 was sleeping in his own bed but he has come back to my bed because he obviously needs me more now! and he willa gain choose to go to his own room, I wont force him to sleep somehwere that he is not comfortable with!

And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed? Yup both share the bed...well DS2 is in his cot which attached to our bed and Ds1 is in the bed!

If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out? and wouldn't it be harder for them to than adjust to at long last sleeping in their own bed, as opposed to if you had of just stuck it out and perserveed at the start and got them use to sleeping in their own beds?!
Babies are happy when in contact wiht their mummy. The closeness it gives us far outwieghs the need for them to have their own rooms......wish i dint waste all the money on a cot lol! I woild rather my babies sleep with me untill their little brains and hearts are ready to be in their own rooms than force it upon them when they need me most!

But as i said each to thier own...I never co slept with my parents...but i rememebr being so affraid of sleeping alone i would sneak into their room

As for DH we are a family now so it doesnt phase him...we had lots of fun before the kids were born and did still do and we will enjoy our cuddles alone when the kids are bigger....plus DH leaves at midnight so i am all alone lol!

There are some great books that will explain the scientific reasons to co sleep...science of parenting, helping your baby to sleep and many more! and DS1 is definetly more independant. He is a happy smily kid !

Hun your not a bad mummy you just do what is right for your family

[Heaven]

Actually, wasn't my idea to co-sleep at the start, it was DH's!! He would get up and bring her to bed for me every time she woke and then take her back after she'd fed so it's much easier for him this way! lol. He loves his cuddles with both of us. And he is so not ready for her to move to her own room yet either he has informed me, lol.

DD is in her cot at the start of the night so we get our cuddle time then and then she is in with us for the rest of the night when all we are doing is sleeping anyway, so we're not missing out on anything.

[Fig]

We started sleeping with DD (2.5 yrs) when she was around 10 months. Similar reasons to what others have said, easier, last resort, etc. Best thing she ever insisted on. She still sleeps with us for part of the night. DS (5 months) has slept with us since birth so 4 in the bed. Bonding between the two siblings is amazing, in the morning the first thing either of them do is look for the other one. When they realise they are both awake they laugh and giggle together. It is the best family time of the day when we all wake up together.

Honestly i don't understand the need/want for it?! maybe im a horrible mum but i believe that the reason my child has a room and a cot is to sleep in it! and i think its part and parcel of them growing up and becomming independant! once they reach a certain age they are no longer babies anymore!

This is my opinion but independence and growing up aren't exclusive to where you sleep. My DD is one of the most fiercely independent 2 years olds you will meet. Toilet trained herself, gets her own brekky, dresses herself etc. At night though, she wakes up and needs the reassurance that her security (her parents) are there. Yes from an adult perspective we are in the same house, but from her point of view, she wakes up, she misses us or is frightened from a dream, she wants a cuddle. Why would I deny her that just because it happens to be dark outside. I would certainly never let her sit by herself for hours on end in her bedroom during the day missing us.

There will come a time developmentally where she no longer needs this reassurance and will sleep in her bedroom all night long. She will also probably tell me I embarrass her and want me to drop her off around the corner from school so no-one sees her daggy mum.