We have NEVER had problems with getting our 2nd daughter to sleep. I have never "walked the halls" at night, she pretty much co-slept for the first 3 to 6 months, and was breastfeed until about 2-3 months ago. She has always gone to sleep really easily (on the whole- she has teethed and been sick etc) but just recently in the last few weeks she has started screaming at night when I put her to bed. It's not every night, but it's happening more and more often, the last week it was 5 out of 7 nights.
We did a modified controlled crying with my first baby - mainly because I didn't know any different and was comfortable leaving her to cry. I'm much more in tune with our 2nd little girl, and think it's far more important to listen to her than to go by a routine or book. My DH just keeps saying, "leave her, she'll be fine " because that's what we did with our first. He keeps saying she turned out fine (she's 5 and 1/2 now) but I'm really not happy with the levels of distress!

1. she's not "fussing" - she is really distraught, hiccuping and screaming.
2. It's not every night, I'm having trouble finding a pattern ie. a REASON
3. She doesn't do it during the day for her nap, and if she cries I just get her up - I figure she's not tired.
4. When we get her up, she's ok for a while but she is clearly TIRED, it's not like she's just not tired and doesn't want to go to bed.
5. We thought she might be overtired, so moved her bedtime forward last night, which was great, she went straight to sleep. But tonight at the same time with same routine she freaked out.
6.If I get her up and she just sits on my lap, I wouldn't mind, but she fusses around, crawling all over me, headbutting me, sort of wailing but not as distressed as when she's in her cot.

I thought they suffered seperation anxiety at about 9 months? Is 18 months common? Has anyone else had this? It's not teething - I know the difference.
I mean eventually she does cry herself to sleep, but it takes between 20-35 minutes of waves of tears (ie. she'll calm down, then start up again, then calm down, then start up again) Because she's so much older she has much more strenght than a newborn to cry, and she's crying "mummy, up please" which of course is pretty distressing for me.

ANY IDEAS ANYONE?? Anyone have any psychology on this??
Please help, I'm really torn between what my husband says and my new-found instinctual parenting which has worked fine up until now. My DH says I'm making her have a habit by picking her up when she cries, but she is distressed, I can't just leave her! Am I making it worse for her? If I knew it was for the best I'd let her cry it out, but I'm not sure that leaving her to cry herself to sleep knowing that her mother won't answer her cries is a good thing!!