yeah, I thought I had it sorted. Last night my DH wasn't home so I just took a bit longer with Ruby, left my older DD aged 5 in her bed and told her she could read to herself for a bit longer tonight (they sleep in same room). Then spent just an extra 20 minutes cuddling and reading books and singing to Ruby in the lounge room before putting her to bed. That worked a treat and I thought woo hoo. Ok. she just needs some extra reassurance.
Same thing tonight, we all read books in DD's bed, she sat and read a book and feel asleep in about a minute(!) while Ruby had her extra cuddles etc. I then put Rub to bed, no major tantrum, no worries. I thought i AM a total legend. Go attachment parenting.
BUT right now she's up, (1.5 hours later) because she has been awake that whole time and a few minutes ago started to cry out and yell a bit. Currently DH is trying to read quietly to her on the couch in semi darkness and asking me what to do!!??? So anyway he just put her back to bed, no problems no crying. It's almost like she needed the extra reassurance or something??
I'm glad DH is going along with me, he realises that I've changed parenting styles a bit, so it was nice to have the support.

Uh oh, spoke to soon, crying from the bedroom...Really don't know what to do about this. It really does feel like out of the blue. And I'm losing patience and getting annoyed, which isn't very loving.