Right, sounds like your boys have health issues that need addressing then. Are you able to get on to a dietician also? I really hope the paed can help you out. I have also heard of kids using CPAP machines if they have apnoea. Ah, but night terrors.... deary me.
What will she do if you lie her down next to you in bed? When DD is awake and cheery in the middle of the night, I just put some earplugs in and doze next to her. Won't work if she's hysterical of course.

You know you're doing a bloody brilliant job all on your own!