Thanks for reading and the replies.

Amber- The light is there! You'll make it too.
Maz- Don't be too tough on yourself love. 4 kids is a juggling act at any time. You do an amazing job, Mateaz is a well loved little man.
Cass and Krysalyss- Thanks . Yep good advice Krys.........
give yourself a break. Follow your instinct to just love and enjoy your child. The long-term benefits come out in all aspects of their life.