please help us! 2 yr old hysterical at bedtime

[widdly]

We really really need help, we are all beside ourselves at this point regarding slep time. Archie has never been a good sleeper, due to severe reflux and i have tried SO many diferent things with him in the past and have always worked out a plan to get him to sleep okay. Now his reflux doesn't affect him that much, just some indigestion really, but i have tried EVERYTHING to get him to sleep at night and NOTHING is working. Ihave called Parenthelpline several times as they have helped enormously in the past, but this time even they are stumped. He just is absolutely hysterical when i try and leave the bedroom at night, he will just scream til he can barely breathe and is almost to the point of vommitting, and will just ask for cuddles. After trying all we could, we bought him into our bed, this has worked well so far, but tonight he is screaming even though he is in our bed.

We have tried having a strict routine, doesn't work, have tried playing music for him, doesn't work, have tried giving a piece of my clothing, doesn't work.

He is extremely attatched to me and its all about mummy. He went to daycare for the first time last wednesday and since then has been ridiculously clingy to me day and night. He will happily go to sleep if he knows that i am going to sleep at the same time, which means eveything in the house has to be switched off so he knows i wont leave when he falls asleep. He had a ball at daycare though and it went so well i was really surprised and he even talks about going there again.

Please, if anyone has advice of any kind, i really am desperate now. i hate to hear him so hysterical every single night, but nothing i do seems to make any difference.

[aussienic]

It is tough isn't it.. I would say he may feel a little insecure about his little world at the moment..

This is what I would do.. I would leave the house lights on ect but lay down with him in his room.. cuddle up and talk about his day.. And when he starts to act up remind him over and over it is bed time. then say Archie it is bed time now.. Lets go to sleep.. It may take a few nights but eventually he will feel secure again ..

I hope you have a good night..

[sneakysparkle]

I dont have any advice for you sweetie - just a hug
Hang in there, I think he just really needs to feel secure at the moment. You are doing a fabulous job! It won't be like this forever...

[Lulu]

I hear you.

I doubt this will help but you never know... DD has been the same and OMG can that kid scream! Its the high pitch that just buzzes your ears and does my head in. Anyhoo, I went and stayed at mums for a few days (she was on holiday). I did the normal routine and put her in mums bed (huuuuge gamble, she is still in a cot at home), extra bumpats to get her to lie down. She wandered out once or twice, but I didn't make a big issue out of it, took her hand and walked her back in.
To my total disbelief, she went to sleep on her own. And the next night too. Once or twice my sister went in to resettle her when she called out too loudly, but she went to sleep fine!

She was the same again when I got home (I'm still in disbelief), had a one or two crap nights but on the whole she has started to just go to sleep. Sometimes I hear her playing in her cot up to 45 mins later (again- unheard of), but she goes to sleep on her own.

My "theory" is going to mums broke the screaming/no bed routine. .

She is very,very clingy atm too, I'm a bit worried we'll go backwards when she starts childcare tho....

[Amie]

Hi Elissa,

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at bedtime. It sounds like Archie is experiencing an every-day kind of separation anxiety. Perhaps his increased angst and hysteria lately are due to daycare - even though he enjoys it and is looking forward to going again, it's still a change. Even positive changes take some adapting to. In a way it's like he needs to know that all of the familiar things (ie. you, routines, etc) will still be there to come back to in order to make it "safe" to go out and discover new things.

The other thing is, his night-time upset may be due to him expressing his feelings about the day. That's not to say that he must be having an awful day every day and needs to scream about it! But in the same way that we as adults do, children need to de-brief about their day and get their feelings out before being able to wind down.

Is he fairly wound-up during the day? Does he sleep ok during the day? Did he seem to respond to any type of routine?

[krysalyss]

Why dont you try seeing a natural therapist. I have a great homeopath here in Brisbane if you want the details. They can give you some calming remedies and ones for sleep as well. It seemed to help us. Other than that, have you tried giving him a day bed in the living room etc. this way he can go to sleep where you are and if he wakes up, you are still there. I personally think with an extreme like this, you kind of need to go to extreme comforting levels to build his confidence and then work back to more normal levels. If sleeping in the living room works, you can then introduce some comfort items like mums clothing, a new teddy, sleep music, a nightlight etc and wait until he is comfortable with that before trying to move him back into the bedroom. HTH

[MantaRay]

Big hugs Widdly, it must be so hard for you. I tend to agree with Lulu, that often a change in environment can help break a bad habit. It has worked for me in the past. Is there anywhere you could go and stay for a couple of nights to give it a try?

If all else fails, know that you are doing the best you can by being a caring and gentle parent. It would be so much worse for Archie if you just let him scream, so know that you are doing a great job (even if it doesn't always feel that way!).

[widdly]

i did a big post last night but it disappeared!

Thankyou all so much for taking your time to try and help my situation with Archie's sleep, i appreciate it so so much. I have taken all your ideas into consideration.

[Fire Fly]

Has he got a night light in his room? Our DD#1 wouldnt settle with out it and even now we still use one (its handy for when you want to check on them through the night).

There must be a reason for him being so hysterical at night but finding out what the problem is is hard trying to get a 2yr old to tell you. Even though our DS is 2 and speaks *really* well, theres no way he would be able to tell us what is wrong if there were a problem like that. Kids cant communicate like we can. Thats the frustrating part.

Does he still have day sleep, if so does he cry for that to?Has this started since daycare?. Have you tried staying with him till he goes to sleep then leaving the room?
And once he is asleep is he then ok?