Scared of big bed

[Astrid]

DD finally got her big bed earlier this week, we had been preparing her for it, talking about it, having her there when we picked the bed and letting her pick the doona cover etc.

Prior to her bed coming was had transitioned her from our bedroom, where she would sleep either in our bed or on a mattress on the floor, to her cot (side off) in her bedroom. That transition went much better than expected, still some messing about, but minor to what she had been doing. We would read her a number of books whilst she lay in the cot and would often end with her in my lap singing to her to sleep. Sometimes she would wake an hour later and was easily resettled, or she would get up about 4:30 and come into our bed, there were also some full on sleep throughs We kept the hall light on for her and her door slightly a jar so she could see if she needed to come to us in the dark.

Now we have stuck with the same routine with the move to the big bed. I was in no hurry to rush her, but once it was all set up she wanted to be in it. Her level of messing around has increased ten fold, wants to be on our lap with us in her bed, constantly back and forth between the bed and us. We have explained to her it is ok to come into to us if she wakes up, but she needs to go so sleep in her bed first. Finally when I tell her it is time to turn the light off and go to sleep, she started with the "I'm scared" business. I bring DH back in to talk to her about it and last night it ended with her coming to bed with me. When she came to bed with me, I did not read to her and explained that to come to bed with me now she has to go to sleep. So with a bit of singing she went down and stayed asleep all night. Today we went out and bought her a special torch to help when she is scared and a night light which we explained to her kept scary things away. Well that did not help, once again once I said it was sleep time she was scared again, so now she is back asleep in our bed.

I don't know how to feel, a part of me is unsympathetic and a bit angry at her as I feel her being scared is not genuine, but then I feel bad as she could be really scared. I do feel though that if she was really scared that she would refuse to go to the bed right from the start.

How do we help her with this? I would like to see her settled into her new bed before this new bub arrives (don't want her to connect major change to the new baby). I was thinking we could reintroduce music (must get her stereo re setup) or maybe some new books.

[Pandora]

music or any radio noise might be a good idea. DS isnt there yet, but I know that the radio works well for my cousins' children.

Would she be connesting it with the move as well - how long have you been at the new place?

Maybe you could do a theme in her room, for want of something original i'll use faeries, and make the whole room/bedtime expereinfe kinda magical or something.

Hmm..okay that might sound kinda loopy but it worked on the supernanny

and the superstitious part of me would wave a smudge stick around her room, JIC

[Astrid]

We have been here over 2 months now and she has been in the her room about 3 weeks now. Just struggling a bit to see why she was ok in the room in the cot, but not in her big bed. If anything her room is more welcoming now as I have sorted out some of the boxes and will be even better when her new shelves arrive. She does not ask to go to the cot, which I would let her if she wanted, she just keeps on saying she is scared of the room. I suppose one option would be moving the bed to where the cot is, but we might have some issues opening the wardrobe at that end.

Have never used a smudge stick, where would I get one of those and how would I use it?

[paradise lost]

Firstly, ikwym about the "scared" thing as DD's daddy has let her stay up because she's "scared" (i.e. he asked her if she was scared and she nodded) and now uses the word whenever she can see she's not getting her own way. I can usually tell when she's scared because she cries and actually forgets to say "scared". I can tell by her cry when it's genuine, and i'd say about 90% of the time now "scared" is a button she's pressing. Works with Dada, doesn't work with me.

Anyway, a few ideas...is her cot still set up? ATM DD has her bed and cot both made up in her room. She has her stories in the big bed but then is put into the cot to sleep (there's guard rail and everything on the big bed, it just suits me better to have her in the cot just now as i'm having visitors with kids come to stay next month and if she's in the bed i'm on the sofa LOL). She sometimes gets out of her cot and falls asleep reading to herself in the big bed, but i just move her when i check on her before i go to bed.

If your cot is still set up when she says she's scared you can give her 2 options - she can sleep in the cot or the bed. "But i'm scared" - well, there's nothing to be scared of, i promise, and to prove it i'm going to put you back to bed so you can see there's nothing scary in your lovely bedroom. I really think you've answered fears in all the ways you can - she has a nightlight, she's put to bed lovingly with stories and kissies. You could try asking what she is scared of, if it's the big bed then put her in the cot that night? If she can't tell you anything specific it's more likely to be her trying her luck. You might also try, next time she IS scared (like immediately she wakes from a nightmare) using the word "frightened" as an alternative. Perhaps "scared" has become too much of a tool.

We also went through phases of "hungree" and "water! water!" at bedtime. I'm sure my DD thinks there's a magic don't-have-to-go-to-bed word if only she knew it. LOL.

I can remember being scared at bedtime and to be honest that there AREN'T monsters under the bed, or in the wardrobe, that there ISN'T someone outside the window, that nothing WILL happen to you in the dark, are all things you need to learn on the job. You can't figure all that out and get your confidence in mummy and daddy's bed.

Bx

[Pandora]

Okay thats longer than I had though then, so different. I am sure her room is welcoming

Smudge sticks - Okay no jokes about rayray being strange. here goes:
you can make one, or they might sell them at a health food or esoteric type shop. I have sage and lavender (not together) its basically a bunch of dried out herbs tied together with string about 10-15cm long and 2-3 thick. you light one end then put it out to smoulder (like incense) and wave it around to cleanse the room or general area.
I always do the whole house when we move somewhere new or if I get a weird feeling about a place.

[Astrid]

We also went through phases of "hungree" and "water! water!" at bedtime. I'm sure my DD thinks there's a magic don't-have-to-go-to-bed word if only she knew it. LOL.

Get those as well, but we have a bottle of water beside the bed and for the moment I will get her some milk if she is hungry, explaining to her that she should have eaten her dinner. As we are toilet training she is also starting on needing the toilet or wanting a nappy change after a small wee or a fart. If it wasn't for this scared business I would probably be posting about those

Think she has worked out that saying "scared" gets her things. She knows that if she says something is scary on TV we will change the channel (thanks DH for not being more careful what he watches around her and for taking time checking the guide before changing the channel, so I have to yell at him to change it quickly).

Rayray - Thanks for the info on the smudge stick, will check out my local healing store, the lady there is very helpful.

Another quick question, hopefully someone is still around. If we move her to her bed tonight, will that make it worse or should we just keep her in bed for now?

[paradise lost]

To be honest, with DD i keep putting her into her own bed until she goes to sleep. That has taken hours in the past when she was sure if she kept trying i'd give in. If she gets up again before i've gone to bed and fallen asleep i comfort her and again put her back to bed in her own bed. If she wakes screaming at 4am i let her come in with me, mainly because it's the fastest way back to sleep, BUT if she then won't go to sleep and is chatting to me instead, i put her back in her bed.

If i were you i'd set a week aside where you don't need to be up early or have too many demands (hilarious with kids/PG/family/etc. but you know what i mean - minimise it all) and make that the week you show her that bedtime=bedtime. DD will get up 20+ times with XP who is a pushover but with mummy she knows she'd better just go to bed. lol.