SJ - you're having such a rough time! And it must be so hard doing it alone. Is there noone who can help at all?
I would hazard a guess that she either objects to being confined in a cot or that she objects to being away from you...You know, MJ will get over this. And she'll be better off for all the time you've spent helping her. That said, you do need to find a way that this can work for you too in the meantime.... I don't think I have any practical advice for you though, sorry.
My DS is the same. I've made peace with this though. How? I gave up. If he doesn't want to sleep in his cot, then he doesn't. He sleeps on a mattress on the floor, which he shares with me during the night (or at least part of it). He's happy there. At night, he'll go to sleep there on his own (unless his gums are hurting him, which is a lot lately, unfortunately). He just rolls around happily, chatting away, till he runs out of steam. He can't do that in the cot - he bumps the sides and gets upset. And he associates the mattress with me, which makes him happy I think (even when I'm not there).
This may not even be an option for you, but that's how I've dealt with it
Hugs