thread: * Telling people about TTC?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    Exclamation * Telling people about TTC?

    hi everyone,

    My DH and I are going to start TTC in June. I have been keeping track of my dates and temps so I know when I ovulate so we have a better chance of when we actually start to commence.

    What I want to know from you others that are TTC is what you tell your family and friends? We are torn as to whether to tell them that we are starting to TTC or not. There are fors and againsts as to why I guess. Both sets of parents and my best friend know what are plans are, although the rest of our friends and family do not. I know that I will hate lying to them if they ask if we are trying and we are but we say we aren't. And then waiting 12 weeks or so when you do finally get pg! I must admit, that is one part I am not looking forward to, not telling anyone.

    On the other hand, being bugged about whether we are pg or not every other day, I am not I could handle that either, especially if the TTC is long term.

    Thoughts please everyone - TIA


  2. #2
    Registered User

    Mar 2004
    Switzerland at the moment

    We didn't tell our families or anyone else for that matter. We just didn't want to be asked constantly whether "it had happened". I think the added pressure can be hard. On the other hand, if you do want to share with close friends or family members, so you can openly talk about it - why not.
    We told everyone who asked us about having children that we would start trying in October this year (just to get them off our back).

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Mar 2004
    Wales, UK

    We haven't told many people that we are TTC - My mother, sister, and my dh's sister are the only people that know! I think there can be too much pressure if too many people know, especially, as you said, if it's long term ttc.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Apr 2004
    Sydney, NSW

    Hi Nellbe!

    Welcome to BB!!

    We've been TCC for 12 months and haven't told anyone about it. The only person who knows is my Mum, mainly for moral support and because as a girl, I think you need someone to sound off.

    Personally, I think if we could predict that we'd get pregnant quickly, then we may have told some of our closest friends, but I am very glad that we didn't because 12 months of very well meaning 'has it happened yet' and all that would be really crushing I think. Plus I don't think I would enjoy it if that was the beginning of every conversation.

    The 12WW when it finally does happen - I think that even though it will be hard to not tell (and to not look like the cat who ate the canary!!), if anything goes wrong then it allows you to make decisions etc in your own time and space without having other peoples ideas and advice 'forced' upon you. And by the time you tell them at 12W, there is not that many weeks to go!!!

    BUT, every person is different. You need to do what you feel is right for you and your DH, because whether your TCC is short or long, it can be quite stressful at times and you may feel that you need the support of others around you to help you get through.

    Most of us find the BB website a great source of this type of support!!

    Let us know how you decide and best of luck TCC!! Hope your time TCC is short.

    Gabby O

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    Oooookay, ready for my story.... It's a long one!!!

    We decided to TTC on Mother's Day 2002 (while at a picnic with both our families!) and told no-one at the time. A few months down the track I told my mum, who obviously told my dad. I also told my younger sister and that was it. We had a 3 month break when we sold our first home & bought this one & mum, dad & sister knew we weren't trying anymore.

    THEEEEN, we decided to try again. Didn't tell anyoe this time. Then when we got to 10 months of trying & I was starting to get worried I asked mum how long it took her to get pg. Dad clicked to what was going on first & then so did mum. My younger sister was there at the time, so she knew again.

    When it came to 12 months my Dr sent DH for testing & with all this going on my older sister & younger brother also found out - so now ALL of my family knew.

    About 4 weeks ago when driving to a Hen's Night with two friends I told them about why I wasn't drinking lately - they had been pestering me to have a drink with them for a while. One of them knew already & I had suspected that cos her partner is DH's best friend.

    The one that didn't know before I told her sent me text messages for the next week asking if I was pregnant. It was kinda embarrassing telling her that, no my period has come. We then went to a picnic with all of our friends for me to find ot that DH had told all of the guys about his tests, so they obviously told all of their partners so now they alllll know. There is only one that has been bugging me about it really - the one mentioned above.

    Now you may have noticed that my ILs have not been mentioned.... They don't know & we want it to stay that way. I fyou think of Everybody Loves Raymond - that's them!!!!! Even though as far as they are aware we're not trying it doesn't stop them from talking about it constantly. At Christmas time my FIL told DH that we need to get lessons from his cousin (who had a 2month old at the time) how to "do it". I just couldn't handle the comments if he knew we are actually trying.

    So there you have it. Some know, some don't. I think it really depends on how you think they will react....

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    Thanks ladies for your thoughts and replies. I really appreciate it. DH and I will talk about it a bit more I think. I am glad that my folks and his mum knows. Both mums have been great already although I think my mum wonders what all the fuss is about! I have been reading a few library books about pre conception care and through the advice of those and my GP both of us have stopped caffeine, alcohol and eating crappy. Mum thinks I am crazy and let nature take it's course. I disagree, I think nature needs a helping hand.

    My best friend is also TTC so it is fantastic to have her support, although she does live in another state! I am pleased we can go through this together.

    So yes, thank goodness for such a great forum like BB.... I am definately going to stick around a while!

    PS The very best of luck for all currently TTC, lots of inkdust: for you all.

  7. #7
    Scarlett Guest

    LOL about IL's Sarah but I know what you mean...mine would be like vultures so they certainly don't get to know. The only people who know are my two best friends and they are for moral support - one has been great as she had trouble and is really helpful and supportive. The other makes me feel a little like a science experiment gone wrong, she means well but it would be easier if she didn't know.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    Just letting you all know that my DH and I have decided to tell a select few only about TTC. MY 3 gf's, one whom is also currently TTC and the other two recently have just had children, and both sets of parents.

    We really didn't want too many people to know as I know that my BIL's and SIL's would be like that friend of yours Sarah - are you pg yet? are you pg yet? Don't think I can handle that.

    We will wait until the safe time to tell as well, hopefully I won't get too sick and it won't be that noticeable.

    thanks again for you thoughts

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Oct 2004

    I have only told 2 friends that we have been TTC. I havent told anyone from my family though, not even my mum. I'm sure she will work it out soon.

    The reason I havent spread the word is that I dont want to have to deal with all the annoying questions from people: "so are you pregnant yet?". I suppose by not telling people, I occasionally get the "so when are you go to try for a baby?" question....
    Basically, I just didnt want everyone to know. Its not really their business and i dont want people asking probing questions all the time.

    I dont know if DH has told anyone... probably, he blabs about everything.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Nov 2005

    When we first started TTC we didn't tell anyone and when i did get pg 2 years later my mum was sooo excited that she told the world when i was only 5wks...i then went on to m/c at 8 wks and that was the hardest thing as we weren't living in town at the time so after we lost our angel, we came home for the weekend so i could be with my mum, so of course wherever i went i would get congratulations and then had to tell people i had lost my baby. When we started AC we told all of our family and a heap of friends as everyone kept asking if we were still trying and i just sort of came out that we were seeing a fertility specialist, and now i wish that we didn't because now i keep getting the 'how's it going', 'has it worked yet', 'when are you due to test' questions etc etc etc.....

    We've stopped the AC for now, but are still actively trying, but now i just tell people (including all the family and close friends)that we're having a break for a couple of years and will then try again....it's given us a bit of leway (sp?) to keep at it without the stress...

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Mar 2006
    soon to be somewhere exotic

    because we're going to do IVF when we were discussing it the families & friends & workmates were all told. Now we've decided to only harvest so friends & workmates know this and will be supportive when I'm going thru all the hormones etc. When it comes to the time that we're going to try to fall pg then I don't know if we'll tell anybody.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Sep 2005

    My mum knew when i was planning to come off the pill, and I went into a bit more detail when I started having trouble - I had a 100 day cycle and I needed someone to talk to, basically. We also ended up telling the inlaws, because every time I felt sick, the SIL's said "youre not pregnant are you?" and we wanted the PIL's to tell them to stop making comments. My best friend, who lives OS also knows, and so does another close friend of mine. I'm seriously thinking of just telling people, in the future, because in the last week I have had four people ask me when I am planning on having another one, and why don;t I hurry up or there'll be a big age gap between the two. I think I'm just going to resort to shock tactics and say "well, actually, we've been trying for 6 months and the doctors don't know what's wrong with me". Maybe then people will realise how insensitive questions like that can be and leave me alone...

    sorry - this has been a rant all about me!

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Feb 2006

    We have not told anyone how seriously we are trying. Parents know nothing. 2 Close set of friends we said it would be nice for it to be soon after we found out someone we knew is pregnant. But its not like we are going, oh yeah we are temping, shoving sticks into my pee to see if im Ovulating, then shoving sticks in pee when im late for my
    period hopeing that im pregnant.Then as the time goes on, when they have approached the subject its just been im really happy with work, and well would love a puppy first before a baby, knowing full well its going to be ages before we can get a dog, giving us some extra time.

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Feb 2004

    This time some friends know & OMG the questions are driving me nutso. "Soooo are you drinking this weekend wink wink" and all that sort of stuff. I HATE IT!!

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Jan 2006

    I must admit, I'm almost dreading my soon-to-be-married cousin making an announcement later this year. I know that, as I'm the only other married one, I'll get all the comments (I get mild ones now; everyone expects an announcement so I make d@mn sure I eat unpasturised cheese, drink wine and caffine and just enjoy myself around family). So I just plan to turn round to anyone asking me and say to them: "Wow, XXX, I didn't know you were so rude! Imagine asking your grandaughter/niece/cousin about her sex life! And what do you want the answer to be? That, actually, we've been trying for two years? That I'm six weeks gone and didn't want anyone to know yet? Or that I lost a baby recently? Would any of those answers satisfy?"

    I just know that by having that answer ready no-one's going to ask me so I can make them feel bad. But if I ever feel ill and tell my mum she's so excited now, thinking I'm pg, even when I tell her I'm not. "Oooh, three weeks into your cycle, you could be!" "Um, no, not when I have a six-week cycle and don't ovulate until week 4." "Oh, you don't know that; you're pregnant." I sooooo love telling her when my period has come when she's done that to me. When I do get pregnant I'm not going to tell her anything other than the fact I'm healthy and fine so she can't pretend she knew first when I tell her at 14 weeks.

    Actually, kind of dreading just nursing a glass or two of wine at my cousin's hen do, and not having caffine. I don't drink lots because I don't like to get drunk, I like to enjoy the wine, but try telling my sister that's a good reason to have alcohol. And I don't want her to know I am seeing someone about stuff so can't have caffine either because I don't want my mum to know.

    So yes, no-one but me and DH are to know (except all of you, of course!). And again, no-one to know we're having a baby until we make it to 14 weeks. That will be hard as BiL announced his and SiL's baby at 7 weeks pg, but I'm not doing that just in case. And I have to hope DH respects that.

  16. #16
    Registered User

    Oct 2004
    Back in Brisvegas :)

    Only a few close friends knew at first but then when we started getting the 'ooohh, so when are you guys going to have kids?' and 'you've been married 3yrs already, why no kids yet?'; we got sick of the comments and decided to tell the family (who were making these comments) that ACTUALLY we'd been trying already for 4 months at that time. Boy did that shut them up quickly!

  17. #17
    Registered User

    Apr 2006

    Gosh it's irritating, isn't it?? bewqare: rant following.

    One of the reasons I love this website is the anonymity: from this you can probably guess we haven't told anyone we are thinking of TTC in the soon-er-not-too-distant-future.

    I desperately want to avoid any questions. No-one's business except our own. Not that we haven't had any questions about when we're going to have babies. DH is a terrible "put-'em-off-the-scent-er" and generally says they should ask me. So of course by the time they come to see me, they're already convinced we're trying because DH has a stupid grin on his face and doesn't have the wherewithal to say "No" or "NOYFB" or "You'll find out when we're pregnant and not before". Thanks, mate. I should be thankful he's a crap liar, I suppose!! And we're not really officially hard-core trying to conceive yet, either. God forbid what it'll be like...

    I wonder if anyone else will relate to this? I am reluctant to tell any friends because they generally fall into three categories:

    a) no way, they're not ready to "pop one out", are you kidding??: therefore the whole concept is not something they are ready or willing to grasp yet.
    b) they're desperate to find a partner and then "pop one out" as quickly as possible: therefore I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But it's also going to be hard to be wailed at that I have to wait for them because they want to have babies when I do. (Why should I have to base my decision on what life stage they're at??)
    c) imminent "poppage of one out" within the next year, after career milestones being reached. We all know what's going on in each other's minds but everyone's very "private". We all want to have kids around the same time but no-one's willing to speak their mind. I foresee months of secretiveness as everyone tries to hide it and watches for restricted consumption of coffee, alcomohol or brie! Unfortunately consensus is I'll be the first one to "pop one out" as I am not in the same career path or income bracket. I doubt anyone'll tell anyone before 20 weeks anyway which seems like a long lonely wait.

    I guess we'd need to think about when would be a good time to tell family. We'd want to tell them first, but probably not immediately.

    However I wonder if I'll need a support network, in which case we might tell a few friends in category c, but again not immediately. Unfortunately this means one or two others (category B) will be insanely p***ed off when they finally hear and wail and cry at not being told too. What the hell does one do in that situation??

  18. #18
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    Eastern 'Burbs

    hehehehe re. Queenie's 'poppage of one out'. Made me laugh.
    And to the question 'are you pregnant?' SO RUDE OF PEOPLE TO ASK! I'm not sure they actually think about what you'll answer....anyone with half a brain should know not to ask! I hated updating my sisters or even best friends when they questioned me. It was so frustrating to be told 'oh, it was so easy, we concieved the very first time we tried', and 'my cousin was the same as you but she went on a holiday to relax and now she's pregnant'. Both comments said by a most dear friend, who was missing her tact that day...anyway. GOOD LUCK ALL TTC'ers.