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Thread: * Telling people about TTC?

  1. #19

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    I remember being told I must be pregnant one late Friday afternoon because I yawned... then I had my arm picked up and because my wrist was limp that "proved" it. Well, DH and I laughed at that one later that night. I do start to worry that I "look" pregnant though - I mean, to look pregnant you need a right old belly, don't you? Needless to say, I don't want to look pregnant until a way after the 14 week mark - that's the earliest I'm telling people - and don't want people to guess before I want to tell them.

    Actually, before I do tell them I may reply to that question with "are you saying I've got a bit of a belly going on?" That should shut them up.

    Queenie, I so hear you about the types of friends. I get very frustrated with people who assume that they don't want babies so I don't, or they have babies/are pg/are TTC so I must be TTC too. I do have one friend I see every few months (well, a drug rep for the people who make the Pill, she pops in every now and then, but she's really nice!) who I know has been TTC for about 4 months now - she knows I'm trying to get DH to go for it sooner too - and while I don't want to seem uninterested I don't want to specifically ask either, because I'm sure she's sick of all the waiting! Of course, that means I can't recommend this place to her without talking TTC first!


  2. #20

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    I have been quite open about telling people we are TTC a second one. I think for the most, people are aware babies don't just happen for people straight away, and that it can take time. For those who don't know that, then this is one way to help them to learn a little more about life. I am happy about TTC, and when I fall pregnant (forever the optimist here) I plan to tell friends and family and BB too.

    Someone has a signature on this site that reads something like:
    "those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter". Its Dr Suess I believe, and I think it applies to a lot of stuff in life.

  3. #21

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    I just really don't understand what gives people the idea that they have the right to ask such questions! Don't they realise that it is such an emotional journey for a lot of us, and that constant questions/innuendo doesn't help at all??? I agree with those of you who wonder at what sort of answers these people are looking for - I'm sure the "well we've already been trying for X amount of months and aren't having any success" isn't one of them!

  4. #22
    amben Guest

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    We haven't told our family and I have only told a few close friends, one of which is pregnant ATM. i have one friend who has been asking since the wedding and isn't wuite getting the hint that I am hating it almost as much as when she kept asking me if I was excited yet before the wedding!!! I feel harrassed when people are at me all the time!!!

  5. #23

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    Hello and welcome,
    I think it is a tough call whether to tell people or not. DH and i were very excited that at last we were 'ready' to have a baby. At first we told close family and friends who of course told there close family and friends. I told some people at work and then before i knew it 12 months had past and we were still ttc. Ttc with alot of people asking how it was going. It was hard to deal with at first, feeling inadequate because it had not happened yet. After 3 years i think everyone in our lives knows we are ttc and have stopped asking questions. We are now facing the dilemma of 'who to tell we are going through IVF?'
    The hardest thing for me was dealing with the dissapointment over and over but talking about it helped. Tough call, best of luck with the decision.

  6. #24

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    My hubby is the one who loves telling everyone we are trying. It's unbelievable, he even told the check-out chic at Best and Less! We live in a small town and although DH is tling every man and his dog that we are trying I have only told 1 or 2 close friends. They are the type of people who will just wait quietly until we tell them we are pg. As for when to tell, I can't imagine waiting 12 weeks. I told most people at 6-8wks with DS as I felt if we did loose the baby I would rather my family be aware than make some stupid comment while we were dealing with it. This time I am working as a teacher so I will probably hold off telling too many people around town until 12weeks or when I have seen/heard the HB - unless of course MS makes it glaringly obvious. Anyway now I have babbled long enough, Good luck with your choice

  7. #25

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    So Nellbe, have you decided what you're going to do? I'd be interested to hear
    You really can only do what's right for you, and maybe it's the sort of thing you can only learn what's right through trial and error (hopefully more success than error).

    Ryn: same wavelength re friends' expectations. Hilarious yet frustrating. And ditto re unpasteurised cheese (at least you can get the good stuff over there) and coffee and al-co-mo-hol. I have this cunning plan, y'see, which is to be Too Busy To Be Hungover and thus able to curb drinking on premise of having enormous study commitments. Seems to work - sometimes. Have cut down coffee as have genuinely realised more than one cup of reeaaaal coffee leaves me feeliong a bit crap anyway. Unfortunately this doesn't take the cheese into account as everytime I refuse cheese I seem to get asked scornfully if I'm dieting which p***es me off no end. So if anyone has a master cheese ruse that can be successfully put into practise let us know! And congrats on the radical reduction of ticker timescale!!!! Hurrah!

    Amben: perhaps you need to make your friend a special Captain Bleeding Obvious costume! I remember the smug turds who used to ask me in front of DH when he was going to ask me to marry him. Squirmingly mortifying. Like I had a clue and like my self esteem was going to rocket sky high after a couple of years of asking! Irritating when other people's values are imposed on yours. It takes a lot of strength to ride above it and a fair whack of humour.

    sunny_summer: good idea about the dog. It also helps one deal with picking up someone else's poo.

    It also occurs to me that maybe people ask how it's going when someone is TTC because they want to seem interested and as if they care. Maybe that's what they'd like people to do for them...

  8. #26

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    oh hell - I meant baby poo, not just random anyone poo. Just clarifying.

  9. #27

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    LOL Queenie, the original post was done in April 2004 - Nell has since had her little boy!

  10. #28

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    God I feel like a twit now, Sarah!! Maybe I do need another coffee...

  11. #29

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    LOL no worries!! This thread is just used as a FAQ which is why it's an old one that's been bumped up to the top again.

  12. #30
    angelfish Guest

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    We didn't tell anyone with either of ours. But we didn't have any trouble conceiving - I guess people who take a long time might need some support. I also found it a bit annoying how people would keep on asking if/when we were having children. My FIL's partner actually asked whether I was pregnant when we announced our engagement!! As we did not have our first child until we had been married nearly 7 years, we had a lot of nosy questions before then. We tended to answer jokingly, yes we're having 10 (or 20) and then change the subject. At this stage we've told everyone that we are "hoping to have another child one day" but we certainly won't be making an announcement the month we start trying.

  13. #31

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    Oddly enough, I was out for dinner on Saturday with friends and this very topic came up (one girl is pregnant and her husband started the "how rude are the TTCing questions" conversation). We all agreed that saying "well, if you really want to know about my sex life..." and then sharing some details would stop anyone from asking again.

    I'm really starting to dread my cousin's hen party though - I'm off caffine for medical reasons, now I'm going off alcohol (right slap bang in the middle of a glass, so I could only enjoy half the glass, so annoying!) and I'm getting a blood test Thursday assuming AF doesn't turn up (cd54 now) - I don't want to have a week to tell people before the hen party, and if I am I don't want my mum to know until I give birth, or about a week later, so can't tell my cousin or sister! So bad enough not drinking lots or having caffine, but just don't want the questions. LOL, but that's telling people about a pregnancy "scare", not about TTC.

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