Complicated Situation - Advice Needed

[*Efjay*]

hmmm how does he feel about you having a baby to another man if you could do it with out the need for sex?

I hate to say it but I think you should maybe let go of the potential boyfriend & start fresh with someone who wants to have a family with you. This other guy... could he possibly want more from your relationship? Maybe he is testing the waters with his offer?

[Confused-Mummy]

He would prefer that the father didnt have anything to do with the kid.

I have waited 11yrs for this nice guy to tell me he likes me.. I dont think I can give up on it now. Im almost in tears just thinking about it.

Maybe I should just risk waiting. sigh. Its all to hard right now

[*Efjay*]

hmmm 11 years is a long time. Take the time to be true to yourself and ask yourself.. Do you love him or the fantasy of being with him. You are so young & while time is not on your side, it seems such a risky situation. I think I would ask for more commitment fro him. He needs to pull his weight & realise if its you he wants to be with then its not fair to string you along till next year when you have so much riding on things with your medical condition.

[Confused-Mummy]

I totally agree with you that it is unfair. I do need to speak to him about it more. but the time we get to spend together is limited. I really do want to be with him, its not fantasy or anything like that. He is my younger brothers best friend. My brother knows about us, and he tells me that this nice guy (his mate) really loves me but he is worried about his unborn child because his ex ended up in hospital when he left her, trying to end her life.

So how far do I push him to leave her properly and go public with me??

edit: he is ok with me becoming pregnant as long as i dont have sex with anyone to get pregnant

[BekZ]

Wow you poor thing Could you have your eggs harvested and frozen to use later. I am not sure how expensive this is but it might be worth an inquiry. I hope you find a solution

[*Efjay*]

I really hate to say it sounds a bit like the married man promising his g/f he will leave his wife but it never happens. He needs to be open about you & how he feels about you with his ex. If he really is there only to support her till the birth of this child then he shouldn't have any problems doing that. What is his ex like? The whole suicide thing, could it just be all a way to keep him? If his intentions really are honest & he is a really nice guy then he should be able to man up & be honest with ex and be able to move on if its over between them.
Im sorry, maybe I should not say that but its what I am thinking, but I hope I am wrong & things work out for you & you get your happy everafter.

[BekZ]

Sorry hun but I totally agree with Efjay. You know this nice guy you really like is going to have a tough road ahead by the sound of things. If he can't leave his ex now whilst she pregnant it will be tens times harder for him to leave when he has a little baby in his arms and the mother is not stable.

[Confused-Mummy]

Its ok

My brain is working overtime.. I too worry that its going to be the "married man promise". I really hope it isnt because he will loose alot of friends.

How do I move forward from this? I have no idea what my next step should be

[Confused-Mummy]

If I give him an ultimatum, it will probably work against me.. and we have had several chats about this issue...

[LionsandBears]

I'm confused as to why he'd be OK for you to have more children, but doesn't want more kids even though he plans on being with you in future. If that's the case, then he'll have more kids - just by being with you. He may be in a very stressful situation so not be able to think stright. But if he's not willing to be with you, then he can't tell you who you can or can't sleep with. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

If the doctors are telling you to have children now or not at all, then it's your choice. Is there any wayfor public funding to freeze your eggs?(I have no idea about these things)

Another biggie to think about is the biological father has legal rights to the child if you have one including having to provide child support, shared custody etc. How much of your life are you prepared to share -because that's at least 18 years of communication, negotiation and shared parenting. I'd at least be ensuring the potential sperm donor has compatible values and beliefs about raising a child. It's difficult enough for parents in a relationship together.

It's a sucky situation to be in. I hope you canwork it out.

[BekZ]

Can you talk to your doctor about alternatives? Can you get some counseling to help you decide what is best for you and your son. Moving forward takes one step and a bit of courage.

[*Efjay*]

I would ask him straight out. Leave your ex properly, be open about his feelings/relationship with you. You don't have time to sit around waiting for him. If he can't commit to you now then you need to let it go. Move on.

Grieve the relationship that it could have been (and really who know it could off all gone pear shape after a few months anyway. How do you know you would have been suited as a couple KWIM?)

concentrate on you & your 2 yr old & just take life as it comes.

Is it possible more could come from the friend who made the offer? maybe he is your Knight in shinning armour.....

[Sunny Love]

He would prefer that the father didnt have anything to do with the kid.

I have waited 11yrs for this nice guy to tell me he likes me.. I dont think I can give up on it now. Im almost in tears just thinking about it.

Maybe I should just risk waiting. sigh. Its all to hard right now

..... and you're 23 years old now? I don't know what to say.
Maybe you should just take each day as it comes in terms of 'relationships', 'boyfriends' and 'men'. Busy yourself with your son for now. As far as the doctors telling you 'do it now' etc etc, I would be cautious and perhaps seek another opinion. I don't understand how they could actively encourage you with those statements under current medico-legal policy.
Im with the other girls, the ex gf won't go away, and why should she really? She is having his child?

All the best in your future