My DH is 27 in Sep and Im 27 in Nov, we've been married 2 yrs in Nov, and together for 5...
I just found out my 2 best friends are pregnant, and while im so overjoyed for them i can help feeling sad that we're not officialy TTC yet.
I have had the pangs of wanting to have a child of our own for around 3 years now and since oct 07 we havent been "careful" with protection...meaning we arent using anything.
We arent timing or "charting" or really verbalising anything, i do sneak a peak at my ovulation calender sometimes, Im positive that im ready and my husband seems ready, and it isnt helping that he says things like "if it happens now thats great, and if not thats ok too" and you know, he's doing "mothery" things to our pets & me at times... (nursing them, talking oohh & aaahh & playing games and things) and it doesnt help the fact that i would like to go ahead.
When i found out about my 2 friends last night it was like a blow to the stomach, i felt sick and sad and annoyed and the response i got after him probing me to tell him what i was feeling down about, was " dont be like this it makes me feel pressured" i cant help the emotional response i get and there was a good reason i didnt want to say why i was feeling down, because i didnt want to hear the whole "im not ready" thing..Then this morning DH comes in and says he is excited to have kids and cant wait and we'll have gorgeous babies..
I got annoyed and told him to not say that because him saying stuff like that makes me more sad/angry/confused/annoyed that we arent trying!! Are there other women feel it too?? I want to be patient and wait for him but i dont know how to curb that feeling of wanting a baby...
Please help? Im considering seeing a counseller and taking him with me when i have been a few times.
hello Eliza,
My DH was like this also. So we spoke about it alot and what our expectaions were with each other and how we could go about it and not put to much preasure on each other. We set a date when we would start to try and concieve - it was about 4 months down the track but we used the time to get our heads around it and also to get our bodies ready for TTC, so starting to take folica acid and multi vits, I also went off the pill 3 month prior to get my cycles back on track.
Having a date to look fwd to was very helpfull and DH even started to look fwd to it as well.
After 3 month of ttc we fell but I had a m/c - but 2 weeks after that I fell again and am now over 17 weeks.
My advice - talk about it and get it all out in the open, I have foubd if you push men they seem to back off even more.
Dont give up hope!!
I hope my experiance can help even a little bit!
Kate
Are you able to talk with your DH and get some kind of timeframe on TTC? What I mean is, tell him that you understand that he is happy to wait but as a compromise, you'd like a date that you can officially start TTC'ing e.g. January 2009 or something.
The silver lining is that is happy to have kids, just not happy to TTC yet. At least in knowing this (and I dont condone deceipt in a relationship) maybe YOU can TTC by charting and just luring him to the bedroom at the right times in your cycle. If he wasnt happy to have kids, I wouldnt be suggesting this but he seems happy about having them so I dont see what damage it could do.
In our TTC thread at the moment, we are discussing that our DH's hate being thought of as baby making machines and only being wanted when the time is right (believe me, all romance is lost once you start officially TTC'ing) so maybe this is what he is worried about.
I think you need to explain to him that your are beyond "sad" about this - maybe he doesnt realise just how much this means to you. It isn't like you're in a new relationship or anything. You are a mature married couple who seem to be in a solid relationship - the perfect environment for a baby!
I hope something is resolved soon for you and when it is, please share it with us ..... hope all goes well and you're joining your pregnant friends very soon.
I forgot to mention, if you do agree on a TTC start date, start charting your temperatures a few months before hand on Fertility Friend so you get to know when you ovulate. Not all women ovulate when they think they do. That way when you start to TTC, you know exactly what has to happen and when without months of disappointment.
I had tears in my eyes reading your replies i knew i wasnt being silly, im glad i got that out in the open.
Ill have a talk with him about it like that. I am kinda begining to feel like i just have to wait for him for everything. I dont want to push, hence not wanting to talk about the fact i was upset my friends were going ahead with everything and im still hanging out waiting for DH.
I guess i dont want the same thing to happen to me as with my mother my dad walked out while mum was 7 months pregnant with me and havent heard from him since, also she was left homeless...Our situation is much different, we're married, have 2 homes and we are solid. But nevertheless, try to avoid pushing, but on the flip side, when are men ever ready? He initially said "i always thought id start about 27 yrs of age" so im all excited that the 27th bday is looming, then he changed it to 28 (my heart was dropp kicked).that really annoyed me.
Ill talk about the time thing, after all its my life too and i keep forgetting that i can be selfish in having a say about that too...
I dont think there is ever a right time to have a baby - there will always be some questions you are unable to answer. But yes, you do seem to have the 'perfect set up ' for a new child .YOu need to sit down and talk with him about time frames - nitty gritty stuff, you need to know dates, times, years - KWIM ???
My DH and i had been going out for 4 years, we were 30 and 28 respectively. Marriage wasnt a huge 'deal' to us, kids were a big deal to me. I said to him its either children or im leaving. It sounds harsh, but it was what i wanted out of the relationship, i didnt understand the point in hanging around if he didnt share my dreams. Im not saying you need to give your DH an ultimatum, just that sometimes they need it set out how it is , i.e you want a baby, when are we going to have one ?
I'd say by his comment of "if it happens now thats great, and if not thats ok too" that he is ready and ok with it. You need to remember males are different and verbalise things differently. My DH is the same, he's a person who is if it's meant to be it will happen... mind you I was still crying last cycle cos it didn't happen, but I get what he's saying too. Maybe your DH is worried about losing the spontaneous sex life and as mentioned becoming a baby making machine?? He might feel "pressure" and a failure if it doesn't happen when you've decided too. Men can be quite sensitive with some of these topics. I think like LuLu said he'd be wrapped if it happened!
Thanks for that, I did the little talk about time frames. He said it would definately happen, he did say 6 months-year but not as a solid indication. Thats ok though. He said that talking about it made him want it more, things like Dates, what season it would be when it was born and the pro's/con's of that, what sort of sports, schooling etc ect..
I really appreciate your help. Im going to keep my little fingers crossed that it happens by surprise in the meantime! As i said, we arent being careful at all, and werent last night, and im in my fertile phase right now
I just rediscovered FF website and paid for a temporary membership. I love it!!!
I just inserted all possible details of AF and BD and i needed to post it here, im feeling positive. Not BFP just positive. So now is the TWW! I think today or yesterday was the 1st or 2nd DPO? is that correct? You count from the "possible ovulation" date?
Ok photobucket is not wanting to connect but there are four hearts in the ovulation period so im hoping there is a little gift coming my way
Will post it soon, need someone to decipher it for me.
If you aren't using contraception and you are both aware of that fact (sounds like that's the case) then you are actually TTCing, just not actively with charts etc.
Curbing "cluckyness" and understanding DH
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wow thanks!
but enjoyed the couple of months leading up to it!!
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