Natalie, I have read your story and really feel for you love. My main concern is that you say that you have been there to look after you sister's kids and your cousins kids, but who on earth is going to help you when you need help?
Please, you really need to contact a counselor about this issue that seems to be affecting you every waking moment.
You may think we are not helping you with some of the negativity at the moment, but we really are here to help you.
Take care. xx
Have you thought about adoption? There are so many babies with special needs out there needing someone to love them...and they are so rewarding. Hard work but so very rewarding!
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