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Thread: Thinking of TTC pros VS cons

  1. #1

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    Question Thinking of TTC pros VS cons

    Again, DH and I have had the 'chat' about the next one, when its coming, how Faith will react.... this one seemed like a more serious chat. The only issue I really think we have is I'm not sure that I'm ready to go through the whole shebang of pregnancy again yet. And yeah, I guess that is a pretty big issue. We're set up for it, should it happen, we'll have a room for him/her, we've got the money, we've got the time....



    Last time, when I fell pregnant with Faith, I wasn't even thinking about the whole giving birth bit, I'm sorry to say I was naive. I was a little ignorant. Because Faith was a surprise (its much nicer than saying not planned or something awful) I didn't have time to think of it. Before I got my head around it, I was already three months pregnant and D day was looming closer and closer!!

    With this #2 though, I am thinking of whats at the end. I had Faith naturally, and it took me two weeks to be able to get up by myself because of stitches (Oh the pain of even remembering!) and this time, I wouldn't have the luxury of just lying next to new born, because I'll have a toddler running around wrecking anything her little hands can touch.

    Okay, so I suppose my biggest problem is will I be able to cope? I got through Faith's birth and first year okay, I'm guessing I'll be fine.... I'm older and wiser this time, so naturally I'm more worried.

    Am I slowly going nuts on account of being around a one-year-old 24/7?

    Awww, all this thinking made me sweepy.

  2. #2

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    It can be so confusing when you really think about all the logistics - even concerning!! Funnily enough, DH & I had a chat this morning about how different it's going to be having a second - I was a wreck for the first 6 wks with #1!! But my downfall back then was I was so stubborn I didn't enlist half the amount of help I should have!! This time tho it'll be sooo different. Different too because I'm closer to family than I was a couple of years back (amazing what a child can do!).

    One of my worries about adding #2 is my DD - I worry that she'll feel left out, no longer in the spotlight.

    However, I've found myself looking at it this way - yes, we are set up for another when the day comes and in the grand scheme of life, those first few months will fly so quickly that I don't want to put off adding to our precious little family another bundle of personality to love and nurture and dote on! And in relation to DD, I try and get her involved in our normal day to day life anyways, letting her help mummy and daddy with whatever she can. So I see having a baby will be the same - DD will be mummy's big girl helper.

    Oh I know there will be juggling acts involved! I do want to still have my one on one time with DD so she doens't think mummy has moved on!

    Of course, it's a personal choice how many and when people add further litt'ns to the mix. But I've also found that sometimes, concerns won't necessarily feel completely eased until you are in the situation - kinda like being nervous as how I was going to be at being a mum while I was pg - wasnt much I could do but wait and just do it when the time came - then found out how much I loved it!!

    Either way, I have no doubt that you are a simply fab mummy and will be to others if you choose to have then, regardless of when you have them - and you will still be that fab mummy to your first littl'n at the same time!! You sound like you have a wonderfully supportive DH as well so together, you can do anything!!!

    Sorry, long woffle post!! Hope you get a good sleep!! LOL!! Good luck with it all too!!

    P.S. I am also sure that you are going to hear from far more experienced mummies too who have BTDT!!!

  3. #3

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    You tend to adapt to your new life when #2 does finally arrive....DH and i were on edge for the first 6 months of DD #1 life. Watching every move she made, whispering at night once she was asleep !!!. Now that #2 has come along, you become so ooooo much more relaxed - youve done it all before !!!! Its actually more enjoyable. Im not reading every text book created to ensure she is getting the best nutrition, we're not whispering at night. You actually ENJOY #2 !!

    We had a 29 month gap. I fell pregnant when DD#1 was 20 months....i would never have a shorter age gap. I think that makes a difference whilst preggers. Did with me.

    Ive breastfeed #2 in the car with #1 in the front seat next to me eating a iceblock dripping all over her legs, ive breastfeed at the park, ive pushed DD#1 on a swing whilst holding DD#2 (4 weeks old) - you adapt. You have too....When #2 cries im a little more relaxed- i will finish drying off the dishes then attend to her. She's been drawn on (lovely pink texta !!), shes had stickers all over her face, she's even fallen out of her bouncer (i know ) . Both DH and i are finding it sooo much more enjoyable with the second.

    PS: You will never move on from your DD.......your relationship simply takes a new turn. When #2 laughs and gets excited when #1 walks in the room you kinda realise what its all about...

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Fire Fly Guest

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    ShazD, haveing two kids is unreal!!! I love it.
    We had doubts to bring #2 into the world to because we were concerned about DD and how she would react but everything is fantastic.

    Seeing them interact with each other is priceless. Seeing the love they have for each other is priceless. Seeing the joy when one comes into the room is priceless. Seeing the HUGE! smile come on DS face when he knows DD is awake is priceless. Seeing them give each other kisses is priceless. Seeing them both soundly asleep in bed is bliss, Lol.

    You will love it. Try contemplating #3, thats even harder.

    Go for it, YOULL ENJOY IT 10 FOLD.
    Last edited by Fire Fly; October 13th, 2006 at 05:39 PM.

  5. #5

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    I'd also say go for it! I know when I was expecting my second, I couldn't imagine loving this new baby as much as I loved my first, and I was so sad for my first that she would have to share her mom, etc. I also didn't know when I was going to get the chance to rest, as I slept in most mornings with my first (after being up pretty much every hour with her all night) But it is the best thing you can do for a child, I think! Now they are so happy together, (most of the time ) They are learning to play together, and each one is happy to see the other, when one comes into the room. Having a sibling teaches a child sharing, self denial, compassion, and that the world doesn't revolve around them. These are all valuable lessons for your whole life!
    Yes, there are some crazy moments. But I found out that God didn't give me more than I could handle. This second baby was a much easier baby, and I didn't need as much extra sleep time. And, there's always help available somewhere if you need it. (grandparents, your siblings, friends, etc.)
    Your second delivery, also, will likely be much easier than your first. (although there are no guarantees) so hopefully your recovery won't take as long. And if it does, well, at least this time you'll know what to expect, and you can have some help lined up before hand. (ie. get DH to take a week or two of vacation around your due date, or have your mom or MIL come every morning for a little while)
    Anyways, I would definitely say go for it! I don't think you'll here from anyone who regrets it. We're hoping to have lots more.
    All the best!

  6. #6

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    I fell pregnant with #2 when my eldest was 9months. I was scared - thinking about my DD and that she would feel really left out, and that it was going to be so hard.
    But I can honestly say to you, that I don't remember that time, when DD2 was born, being at all difficult. i am sure that there were times that I wanted to yell and scream, but I don't remember them.
    My girls are such great friends, I am soooo glad that my DH pushed for the small age gap.
    I hope you're able to make the decision that best suits you and your family.

  7. #7

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    Sharon, the real decision here is whether you feel ready inside yourself. All the other parts of the decision (money, time, career, sibling readiness) can change and will change over time, the important thing is that you're are in a place where it's right for YOU. If you get that internal 'yes' and a sense of peace, then do it. If not, then wait, the 'yes' will come when you are ready.

    *Hugs*

  8. #8
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    Oh I hear you! Honestly... the first couple of cycles of us TTC#2 was half-hearted to say the least.
    I want to get #2 happening and out of the way but, at the same time, I didn't feel ready to go thru pregnancy (and no bourbon!! hahaha) and then the sleep deprivation of a newborn etc. etc.
    I don't know what happened but this cycle I've really gotten into it... like something clicked and I decided I was ready?
    I think perhaps I was a little afraid because we were moving and Neil had started a new job - too many "new" things happening. Now that we're here, it's not such a scary thought.

  9. #9
    Fire Fly Guest

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    I think that a lot of mums question the should we or shouldnt we when the decision of haveing more kids is brought up. I know alot of mums have no hesitation in answering the amount of kids they want. I actually admire those mums.

    We are only human and the decision shouldnt be taken lightly. Its not a perfect world we live in unfortunatly so we have to make the right decisions based on our situations. You alone and your DH will know when the time is right to add to your family, but reading all the reasuring comments about the mums that have had that second one must be proof that its all good.

    Best of luck with the decision.

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