Me and my DH feel exactly the same as you. I could have written that myself give or take a few different lines lol
We however are currently ttc. If we had good fertility I am sure we would not its just after taking years to conceive with my 3rd and basically not preventing for the past 2years and only one hint of a short lived pregnancy in that time we decided if it happens it is meant to be. Despite this most months when I am nearing the fertile time we don't know what to do. Its ridiculous.
For me I still have the feeling someone is missing. I don't know if that is because I have had multiple early losses or because I always thought I would have 4 children. There are a lot of reasons to stop now but I know in my heart if I don't give this my best shot I will regret it forever. I don't think for most people you regret having another child but you certainly will if you don't. I don't want to always have that feeling someone is missing and that my family is not complete.
Mildez, like you, my fertile period comes around and we are at a loss - it really is ridiculous!! Do we or don't we?? Condoms, pull out... leave it to chance?? We have always been very fertile, although I am a little older now (36). I feel like 'leaving it to chance' is really making the decision to have another, and that makes me feel anxious!
So each month, as I near O I feel very broody... then O comes around and I panic and either avoid DTD or tell DH to pull out. (Sorry TMI!!) Last month, I had a very faint positive (likely an evap line!) on a HPT and even then I felt very undecided - not entirely excited, but not terribly disappointed.
My DH will be 40 in a few months and he wants to try until then. If it doesn't happen then it 'isn't meant to be'... but I reckon we should make a decision one way or another!
I can relate to that. When I got my recent BFP which I ended up loosing my DH recently admitted it really threw him and he wasn't excited about it. That was a big of a shock as it wasn't like it wasn't planned. In the end I said it was up to him and since then he has been not careful at all so that is a nice change to what you described as to where to let the end product land lol.
I really really want to be pregnant again and have been getting really disappointed and a bit down at times when its a BFN. But I also know if and when I get pregnant we will also be anxious about have we done the right thing and the financial and career changes it will mean. I guess once your holding a precious life in your arms you know what a miracle they are and non of the other stuff really matters at the end of the day.
TBH, if it was me, I would wait it out a little, save a little more - or buy the car when you are on more hours. With your career advancement, how long would you need to be in the advanced role before you could take maternity leave?
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