Me and my DH feel exactly the same as you. I could have written that myself give or take a few different lines lol
We however are currently ttc. If we had good fertility I am sure we would not its just after taking years to conceive with my 3rd and basically not preventing for the past 2years and only one hint of a short lived pregnancy in that time we decided if it happens it is meant to be. Despite this most months when I am nearing the fertile time we don't know what to do. Its ridiculous.
For me I still have the feeling someone is missing. I don't know if that is because I have had multiple early losses or because I always thought I would have 4 children. There are a lot of reasons to stop now but I know in my heart if I don't give this my best shot I will regret it forever. I don't think for most people you regret having another child but you certainly will if you don't. I don't want to always have that feeling someone is missing and that my family is not complete.
Mildez, like you, my fertile period comes around and we are at a loss - it really is ridiculous!! Do we or don't we?? Condoms, pull out... leave it to chance?? We have always been very fertile, although I am a little older now (36). I feel like 'leaving it to chance' is really making the decision to have another, and that makes me feel anxious!
So each month, as I near O I feel very broody... then O comes around and I panic and either avoid DTD or tell DH to pull out. (Sorry TMI!!) Last month, I had a very faint positive (likely an evap line!) on a HPT and even then I felt very undecided - not entirely excited, but not terribly disappointed.
My DH will be 40 in a few months and he wants to try until then. If it doesn't happen then it 'isn't meant to be'... but I reckon we should make a decision one way or another!
I can relate to that. When I got my recent BFP which I ended up loosing my DH recently admitted it really threw him and he wasn't excited about it. That was a big of a shock as it wasn't like it wasn't planned. In the end I said it was up to him and since then he has been not careful at all so that is a nice change to what you described as to where to let the end product land lol.
I really really want to be pregnant again and have been getting really disappointed and a bit down at times when its a BFN. But I also know if and when I get pregnant we will also be anxious about have we done the right thing and the financial and career changes it will mean. I guess once your holding a precious life in your arms you know what a miracle they are and non of the other stuff really matters at the end of the day.
TBH, if it was me, I would wait it out a little, save a little more - or buy the car when you are on more hours. With your career advancement, how long would you need to be in the advanced role before you could take maternity leave?
Like others have said, it does sound like you really want another one and if DH is on the same page, I say go for it. Follow your heart (not your head). I thought our third was our last one and now I'm really wanting a 4th. Good luck!
You have to do what's best for your family. It seems to me that advancing in your career is the best course of action so that you can provide the best for your family in the future. Four more years of doing the same is a long time and what if you don't get another opportunity to express an interest in advancement? Your desire for more children may be your natural biological clock and sometimes that's not the best voice to listen to because it can root in your brain and take over rational thought-head vs heart and all that. But only you know what's best for everyone involved and what you can do in your career for promotion in the future.
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