family who scrutinise every kg you gain...

[Rouge]

I would simply turn around to her and say, "darling when you are my weight or thinner then you can comment until then shuttup because its total projection, and in that case if you aren't happy with your own body do something about it. Because you know what I LOVE mine." I bet you she won't know what hit her!

How rude, how dare anyone think they have a right to do or say those things to anyone, especially family.

[nic]

Yep, sounds like your sister has a case of the green eyed monster, and is trying to project her insecurities onto you.

Goodluck with the IVF

Nic

[Alipralli]

Oh wow... You are absolutely TINY!!!! You are about 1/2 my size!!!! Actually, seeing how I am about the size of a house, you must be the size of a townhouse or something...:P

I have to agree with the other girls that your sister is probably jealous of your body, and is making those comments to try and make herself feel a bit better.

Next time that she says something, I do agree that you should say something about how her comments are hurtful, and that you wish that she would stop making them.

BUT I don't think you should point out that she is bigger than you are. As someone who is big, and almost always has been, it is horrible to hear that people think that you are huge (i suppose it would hurt no matter what size you are)... at least you, being tiny, can look in a mirror and see the truth, or hear the truth from the trainer or whoever. But when you actually are big, and people tell you that, there is absolutely nowhere that you can go to, to get any reassurance about your body, its size, and how you look - I know that if I was to ask anyone, they would all tell me that I look fat and unattractive, but to actually hear those things out loud would just about kill me! And while I might think that one of my sisters, or one of the girls at work, etc, might look look larger in a particular outfit, or that their skirt is a bit tight, I wouldn't ever say anything - unless we went shopping together, and she was asking for my opinion on something she was trying on...

Instead of making nasty comments back to her, how about just saying that her comments are hurtful, and that you wish that she would stop making them, and then maybe you could ask her if she wants to join the gym with you? Maybe she is looking for someone to help her with her own body size, and would like to go, but not on her own? I know that I HATE going for a walk on my own, but if I am at my mum's house (she is a fitness fanatic), I will quite happily go for 2 hours walks with her, because I have someone to go with, and talk to, and take my mind of the pain! And she also makes me walk faster than what I would do on my own...

Maybe your sister is looking for some kind of reassurance for herself. Do you and your family ever say anything about her body? A stray compliment every now and then can do wonders for someone who rarely hears them! My own (rather skinny) sister said that I looked good in this new shirt that I had bought the other day, and also noticed that I have lost a little bit of weight (5kg), and when people actually notice things, and give you a compliment, then you feel better about yourself and are more likely to do something about the weight. My sisters compliment has kind of kicked along my desire to lose more weight, coz it does get to the point that if no-one is going to notice, then why bother doing anything anyway?

Anyway, I know that i have rambled on a bit, but I hope that makes sense to you - it is a bit late at night, and I don't know if I have found all the right words to say what I am trying to get across....

[jules30]

I have never said anything straight back to her face, and i never say anything about her weight. Not because i dont want to hurt her feelings, i just dont even notice the details. She actually points out to specific parts, my tummy, thighs, calves etc.

I do try to ignore it but after every 10 or so incidents i have a bit of a breakdown like tonight....

thanks everyone for listening and responding to my vent. You have given me a few laughs and made me feel better.

[LimeSlice]

Just wanted to say that as someone who has battled with my weight forever (my family given nn was Triple T (Tubby Two Tits)) and who is your size, that when I got down to 52 kgs, I was stoked! lol So I dont think you should be worried lol
I agree with the other girls.

But wrt to feelin glike you should be thinner and interesting thin g I found out whilst I was very thin was that if I had've got down to below 48kgs, for my height if I went into hospital, legalyl they couldve kept me there until I put on weight. 49kg and below for a 5'4 girl is considered underweight to the point where you are deemed anorexic!

Maybe you should just tell your sister that her constant comments on the size of your thighs is really boring and could see start reading the newspaper to have something interesting to talk about ;P

[~Raven~]

I hear you!

It's not fair that your sister puts you down to make herself feel better about her insecurities. If it wasn't weight it would be something else I'm sure of it!

I think I look my best at about 55 kilos, but some people (my Mum and MIL had a go too) would point out that my butt was getting big or I had a pot belly. Well der I had 2 kids (at the time, Angus was a baby).

Last year I got down to 47 kilos (not from doing any dieting I have to add, it just happened like that) and then I got the too skinny comments. I was a bridesmaid for my SIL and after I got my dress MIL carried on that I better not put on any weight blahblahblah. You should have heard her at the wedding, (she's not quiet, she laughs like a strangled cat) telling EVERYONE that I had to watch what I ate for the first time in my life so I would be able to wear it. Piffle! I was sensible but I didn't diet.

I swear it feels sometimes that I can't converse with anyone without them commenting about my weight. It's hardly ever nice either! I get compliments occasionally which surprise me and I usually wait for the sarcasm. DH loves me for who I am and keeps talking me out of getting a boob job I think that insecurity comes from my mum who's favourite put down line is "the girls got no boobs".

49kg and below for a 5'4 girl is considered underweight to the point where you are deemed anorexic!

Limey I'm far from anorexic and I am 5'4" and 47 kilos (well could be a bit more now I'm PG but haven't weighed myself for weeks). I am on the low end of the BMI but my Dr is happy enough with my weight as I am fleshy and muscular. I have a very light bone structure though which is partly attributed to my low weight.

[paradise lost]

My family are the opposite. After years and years (ages 18-25) of being between 12kg and 20kg overweight i am now a normal weight for my height (though you lot make me laugh in your teeny 40's and 50's because i am 77kg!! I'm 181cm and have a lot of bone and muscle though) and my dad constantly frets that i am too thin. He's never critical, but he does voice concerns if he has them. I am also very active (by MY standards) for the first time in my life (run 30km/week, swim 0.5k, bodypump 60mins) and while my dad has been inspired and started being more active himself, my sister (who is 162cm and about 140kg) always tells me i'm using up heartbeats and will hurt myself, but then when she sees me says "oh you're so lucky you're thin" which makes me think (but not say) "i work my ARSE off to stay thin!". My brother, who called me "community chest" all through my teens/early twenties, told me a few days ago i looked (with 34DD's rather than 36G's) like a flat-chested boy.

You just can't win.

Bx

[fionas]

Like a previous poster I find people who can only talk about weight, clothes, make-up, who's pretty, who's not, EXTREMELY boring.

So you can either deal with your sister in a nice way or a nasty way. Your call. But do know this is not about you, it's about her not being happy with herself and taking it out on you. VERY immature.

I overheard some teenage girls on the train the other day and the conversation literally went like this "d'you think she's pretty or ugly? Cos like I don't know. Sometimes I think she's pretty and sometimes I think she's ugly."

It was nauseating and it went ON and ON and ON. I really felt like telling them to STFU and talk about something interesting.

And btw, I'm 166cm and have been 49kg. When I was anxious/depressed and living on a couple of bites of apple and half a sandwich per day because I literally couldn't eat. Now I'm 70kg so a bit overweight. Know what I'd prefer.