family who scrutinise every kg you gain...

[jules30]

Raven, you are tiny, and you look great! I cant believe you get those comments too. Thats exactly how i feel whenever i see family someone inevitably mentions my weight directly or indirectly. Its to the point where i labour over what i wear to any family functions so as not to wear anything that makes me look bigger than i am etc.

Fiona, YESSSSSSS Im the same I hate it when people make comments on how others look. It really annoys me. Thats actually what my sister does, she constantly talks about who's pretty who's not and the of course the weight thing. She'll be sitting watching tv with us and then turn to my DF and say, do u think so and so is hot/pretty etc, cos apparently her DP thinks she is/or is not. My poor DF HATES it!!! I hate it too, its so irrelevant and who cares so much that you have to analyse it. Everybody knows beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everybody has different tastes!!

I luv my sis but we are very different and i shouldn't just whinge i should tell her but as her older sister and knowing that she has had bulimia (in her teens, early 20's) I dont want to upset her either. I just have to not let it get to me.

[~Belinda~]

Jules, how terrible that your sister says these things to you. Actually, I think it's worse that your Mum tells you what she has said, why do that? No offence to your Mum or anything.

Some family members can truly be cruel. Why can't they just keep their comments to themselves. It's very obvious that your sister is jealous of you, especially if she is bigger. Jealousy is one wasted emotion in my books.

I know you have to see your sister but if she hurts you so much, why bother? I wouldn't, just walk away and get on with your own life, you really deserve happiness. Don't let family members bring you down, life is too short.

SHE has the problem, not you, walk away from it.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

You don't want to upset HER? This isn't just nastiness, if this were anyone but your sister we'd all be calling a spade a spade and say it's bullying.

Tell her to shut up and give her mouth a chance. If my sister were still treating me like this (not about weight but about other things) I'd not see her at all, no regrets. Same with my mother, who backed her up. You don't need people treating you like this.

(BTW, I'm a size 8-10, 5'11 and about 65kgish. Trust me, you're not fat. Cos if you are then I am and I'll have to cut back on food and no-one will be happy then.)

[fionas]

Oh Jules, I used to have a housemate like your sister who would constantly give a running commentary on how someone looked on TV. It was the very first thing she said as soon as a woman appeared. And this was from someone who would bag men for judging women on their appearance!

So I told her off and said how can someone who calls themselves a feminist be so OBSESSED with other women's appearance? I mean, we all notice (let's not kid ourselves here) but to go so far as analysing/judging/talking about it and spending that much of your day doing it ... I don't get it.

She seemed genuinely surprised ... maybe she didn't know she was doing it. Perhaps tackle your sister on this first (with your DF's support) - just say it's a really boring topic of conversation.

Anyhow, needless to say, my housemate didn't stay a housemate for long.

[jules30]

Yeah i do get very annoyed at my mum for telling me as well. A few weeks ago i went to mums during my work lunch break as my sister was there, i go mainly to see my neices. And later when i spoke to mum she said that my sis mentioned that the dress i was wearing didn't suit me/didn't look good on me. I luv that dress its so comfortable (suit dress, nice cut) and that very day i had workmates complement me on it!! Arrghhhhhh.... Now i haven't worn the dress again cos i think of what she said (although it was behind my back)

Its good to get everyone's opinions cos i now know that ive been too nice in not telling her off.

[fionas]

OK Jules, time that your mum and your sister both received a piece of your mind. Wear the dress again - infact, wear it every time you go around there. I'm sure it looks lovely and if they say anything say "well, my colleagues think it looks good and I trust their opinion WAY more than yours."

Honestly, the way they're both carrying on is bang out of order.

I can't believe your mum is buying into the whole thing.

Tell them both to go and get lives. They obviously haven't got enough to do.

[Heaven]

grrr..........I hate this. I don't understand why people do it. I am not fat, I'm 158cms and about 52-53kg. Perfectly normal weight. Not skinny but not fat at all. Whenever I see some of my relatives they have to comment 'you like you've put on some weight' 'do you still have a pudgy tummy hidden under that dress?' WTF?? Why is it any of your business and why do you feel the need to comment?? If I wasn't family they wouldn't say it. If DH or I say anything to them about it they will just laugh and say 'oh, don't be silly, we're family'. Oh so that gives you the right to insult me?? BTW, they are definately overweight, how on earth can they comment??
Well, I've been no help!! I have no idea how to stop it!

[~Kaz~]

Hey - you've had heaps of great advice already Jules but I just wanted to say that family are supposed to be supportive (but of course we all know they don't always live up to this ideal! ). I guess if you can work out in your own mind what level of respect/support you expect from them, all you can do is ask for them to respect this (easier said than done sometimes). It is possible, (as already mentioned in this thread), that they don't realise how hurtful their comments are or how often they're making them. If the situation doesn't change, if they don't change, even after you've explained, you can't control them. All you can do is work out what you're willing to tolerate. It really sounds like your sister might not have resolved all her issues with food/weight/body image etc and is subjecting you to her stuff.

Good luck! I hope whatever you decide to do, it works out for you.

Also, I agree with Fiona - wear that work skirt whenever you want to! Don't let their comments limit or inhibit you!