Hun your hubby sounds like he needs a good kick up the backside! I wouldn't be washing ANY of his clothes, or cleaning any of his mess. I would be demanding he does it himself. Same with the 13 year old. Sorry but at 13 he should be helping out! My 4 and 6 year old clean up after themselves!!
Sorry I feel really angry for you. How dare they treat you like that
Thanks Missymoo. I feel really angry for me, as I have let it go this way. Steph picks up after herself sometimes automatically, but I know that will very quickly change to never as she grows up and sees that "hey, Dad and big brother don't have too...".
Thinking about it now, I doubt that I will ever be able to get anything to change with them. I will just have to tidy the best I can with them around, and kick them out. I threatened to leave a little while ago, and the Man said that I had to leave the kids as this is where they live, and they don't need to keep changing address and this is their home. Well, in that case, don't let the gate hit you in the a**e on the way out!
Sorry but kids growing up with a role model like that is NOT ok!
Oh hun why are you stll with him He sounds like he doesn't give a **** about you
Trust me, as a single mumma with soon to be 4 kids, it is SO much easier on your own. Really, the emotional and physical side really IS easier, especially when you have another 'child' to look after.
*sorry I know I am very anti male at the moment and so sick of seeing them treat their partners like crap*
The rule in my house is that if is not mine and I'm picking it up, it goes in the bin! Toys and clothes included. DH was the hardest to re-train.. lol, he had to lose a few good tops and a lot of socks before he got the message.
MD, there are a number of reasons why I want to separate from the Man, and this is one of them. I believe that everyone should contribute to the household. If they can contribute towards making the mess, then they sure as hell can contribute to the tidying up. I can't differentiate which is the bigger problem, but I know that there doesn't seem to be any improvement in in the relationship side of things.
I do pick things up as I go past them, or if I'm heading towards the bedroom, then I'll grab whatever needs to be in the laundry on my way past, that kind of thing. Avoiding going anywhere empty handed. I just get so distracted by trying to do one thing, then I put some of that away only to find that where I want to put it has to be tidied, and then get stuck into tidying that up, and the next thing, and the next thing after that. I mean, to cook dinner, I have to wash the dishes from the night before. If I get called away from the dishes (usually an unhappy Ryan), then dinner doesn't get made until late, and the Man comes home, and wonders what the hell I've been doing all day. But he doesn't think to help me wash the dishes in the evening. I managed to get him and the Boy to wash the dishes two nights in a row months ago, and said that I wanted them to do them every evening so I had time to give the other two kids baths. Well, that never happened, and when I stay up late in the kitchen trying to clean up he gets annoyed that I'm not spending time sitting with him on the couch watching tv! They just make me so angry as to how lazy they are. They are bad role models who I don't think will ever change.
Missymoo, he didn't say the thing about the gate, that's what I wish I could tell him! He did say the thing about the kids having to stay. How do I kick out a child? Child? Ha, he has been at our place since TUesday because apparently he is being bullied, and "needs our help". Now, I have not been involved in ANY discussion about it, and have heard the Boy and Man talking about things when I am in the other room (this is nothing new, they do it all the time, make plans, etc and don't involve me at all), and he has not been at school since Tuesday. And he's been going to work with the Man all week. Sorry, off topic.
My partner is very messy and I'm not naturally tidy so I've had to crack down. Left to his own devices, DP will leave stuff all over the dining room table to the point that we can't eat there. By 'stuff', I mean a computer, scanner, numerous heavy books, papers, loose change, wallet, tissues etc. etc.
I now give him notice. I say, "if that's stuff not cleared away by x then everything goes in the bin." And I do it. I've thrown important paperwork away without a care in the world and he's had to go fishing around in the recycling for it.
He doesn't know it yet but I've also just thrown a packet of chocolate sultanas away. He left them out, DD wanted them and had a meltdown and I'm sick of being the one who has to put up with the tantrums because he's bought stuff and left it out where she can see it.
He now takes me seriously and is a lot tidier than he used to be.
I started piling anything DH left lying around, on his desk in his office. That way he had to clear it off in order to work. He got quite upset about it but I said, this house is my workspace and that's effectively what you're doing when you leave your crap lying around everywhere. He got the message and got better at picking up after himself.
I second going on strike, sometimes its the only way they realise that they need to pull their weight. Why should you cook and clean for them when they won't even pick up their crap and expect you to pick it up like you're their personal maid?? If I were you, I'd just cook for myself and the little ones, every time they don't do the dishes the night before. They'll soon get the message when it's THEM who has to wade their way through a messy kitchen to organise food. Do that with every area they fail to take responsibility. They don't pick up their clothes? You don't wash them. Etc, etc.
Honestly though, it sounds like the issues are deeper than just housework. Are you getting some positives out of the relationship?
Fiona - love it, that's what i'm going to do next time DH slackens off.
I don't see any positives out of the relationship atm.
I have stopped unpacking their stuff from when they go 4wd, but it doesn't make any difference. There is a esky with an iceblock and some towels or something in there just inside the front door that you have to step around to get past. Its been there for over a month, and he complains when he doesn't have any frozen iceblocks to take away with him in another esky/cold bag. This esky has plastic shopping bags sitting on top of it, which I have asked him numerous times to move, but they are still there. I am going to move them right now before Ryan chokes on them. There is another cold bag in the kitchen that Steph and Ryan were playing in/on last night and he said 'oh daddy should have moved that' and instead of putting everything in it away, he just pushes it to the sliding door next to where it should have been packed away too.
I gave up trying to clean up outside where the kids could play, as it is stacked with car parts. I can't even park my pram there. It either has to go outside the gate (a no-can-do here) or stay in my car, or if it is squeezed in, then you have to battle to get past it.
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