I started piling anything DH left lying around, on his desk in his office. That way he had to clear it off in order to work. He got quite upset about it but I said, this house is my workspace and that's effectively what you're doing when you leave your crap lying around everywhere. He got the message and got better at picking up after himself.
I second going on strike, sometimes its the only way they realise that they need to pull their weight. Why should you cook and clean for them when they won't even pick up their crap and expect you to pick it up like you're their personal maid?? If I were you, I'd just cook for myself and the little ones, every time they don't do the dishes the night before. They'll soon get the message when it's THEM who has to wade their way through a messy kitchen to organise food. Do that with every area they fail to take responsibility. They don't pick up their clothes? You don't wash them. Etc, etc.
Honestly though, it sounds like the issues are deeper than just housework. Are you getting some positives out of the relationship?
Fiona - love it, that's what i'm going to do next time DH slackens off.
I don't see any positives out of the relationship atm.
I have stopped unpacking their stuff from when they go 4wd, but it doesn't make any difference. There is a esky with an iceblock and some towels or something in there just inside the front door that you have to step around to get past. Its been there for over a month, and he complains when he doesn't have any frozen iceblocks to take away with him in another esky/cold bag. This esky has plastic shopping bags sitting on top of it, which I have asked him numerous times to move, but they are still there. I am going to move them right now before Ryan chokes on them. There is another cold bag in the kitchen that Steph and Ryan were playing in/on last night and he said 'oh daddy should have moved that' and instead of putting everything in it away, he just pushes it to the sliding door next to where it should have been packed away too.
I gave up trying to clean up outside where the kids could play, as it is stacked with car parts. I can't even park my pram there. It either has to go outside the gate (a no-can-do here) or stay in my car, or if it is squeezed in, then you have to battle to get past it.
Oh that sound like a nightmare. Does he hoard stuff? Why is he collecting car parts? Could you give him an ultimatum? Like, "clean up all your clutter in 2 weeks or I'm hiring a skip and will start chucking whatever taking up living space!". That's what I'd do. You and the little ones need and have the right to enjoy some uncluttered space to live and play. No wonder you're not feeling unhappy and frustrated.
Can you see things improving or able to improve? What things about your partner and relationship did you used to enjoy?
Your tagline is a great quote and one I have used for a long time. Small steps. Everything makes a difference, no matter how small the effort. Steph has a role model in you. And a positive role model will always ultimately shine brighter.
I figured I couldn't change someone else without their consent, so I had to either change me or change my thinking about it.
But that only worked for the house.
I wish I had some fabulous advice, but stuff isn't always great here either. again.
I am a bit of a clutter queen and loathe cleaning. DH is worse than me. So there is a real struggle here to get this house tidy and organised. Personally I have found the flitting thing does not work. I find I need to keep focused. So that means I have to stop myself and commit to the room or to a time frame (10 minutes). I just chuck things into the hall or into a basket for what does not belong there. Saying that though I do struggle when putting away clothes with needing to tidy up the wardrobe first. If I am in a flitting mood, then I try to focus making sure I keep on returning to the area that needs the most work eg washing up, then hang out clothes, back to kitchen wipe benches, straighten up couch, sweep kitchen floor. I also find being on the phone gets me moving and I don't even notice that I am cleaning.
Big I know how hard it is to deal with someone who wont deal with their own mess. He tends to blame me, needs me to do something first or that my 1 box is stopping him It is bit like the hole in bucket, I need him to tidy first (like the shed) and he won't touch it until I move my stuff, but I can't my put stuff anywhere until he tidies.
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It is bit like the hole in bucket, I need him to tidy first (like the shed) and he won't touch it until I move my stuff, but I can't my put stuff anywhere until he tidies.
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