Big . I hear you and I feel overwhelmed at times too because we moved in with more stuff than fits in this space and the clutter is just morally depressing. However I don't have the compound problem of 2 unhelpful household members adding to it. Is the real problem here that you want to separate from the Man - or is it really about your home environment? Which of those is the bigger problem? Getting clear on what exactly you want to do - making a decision & then taking small steps towards achieving that - could help in regards to the relationship issues.

Re the house...in order to do a quick tidy - my first step is always grab a plastic bag and whip around the house and pick up anything and everything that might possibly pass for rubbish. Binning stray items left by messy family members is extraordinarily satisfying. Ask yourself do you really need it? Next step is I grab the laundry basket, pick anything up that doesn't belong in that room, then go to the next room, put anything in the basket away that belongs in that room, then pick up again in that room, and move to the next room. You do one rotation of the house and everything is put away. If you get interrupted part way thru, it's ok, it's all still in the basket, you can keep putting away later on.

I know some days it just seems like an endless tide, but it will be easier if you feel in control of other parts of your life.