I started piling anything DH left lying around, on his desk in his office. That way he had to clear it off in order to work. He got quite upset about it but I said, this house is my workspace and that's effectively what you're doing when you leave your crap lying around everywhere. He got the message and got better at picking up after himself.

I second going on strike, sometimes its the only way they realise that they need to pull their weight. Why should you cook and clean for them when they won't even pick up their crap and expect you to pick it up like you're their personal maid?? If I were you, I'd just cook for myself and the little ones, every time they don't do the dishes the night before. They'll soon get the message when it's THEM who has to wade their way through a messy kitchen to organise food. Do that with every area they fail to take responsibility. They don't pick up their clothes? You don't wash them. Etc, etc.

Honestly though, it sounds like the issues are deeper than just housework. Are you getting some positives out of the relationship?

Fiona - love it, that's what i'm going to do next time DH slackens off.