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Thread: Donor Conception General Chatter #2

  1. #37

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    Hi Lulu,

    Thanks for pointing out the positives - although having a little trouble with this at the moment. However, went and saw our psychologist and feeling a little better.

    Hi Tracey,

    Not sure if they will accept donations from someone that young - best to check with your clinic I guess.

    Hi everyone else too!!

    Had some sad news over the weekend - DH's stepfather passed away. We'll be heading west to the country for the funeral.



    I'll write in a couple of days...

  2. #38

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    Hi Tracey,
    I have belonged to an egg donation support site for a few years. It is for both donors and recipients and really helps to sort through some of the issues to do with egg donation and using donor eggs. It is a bit hard to find via search engines so I can send you link if you want. You have to request to be registered as it is a private forum due to the sensitive subject.
    In melbourne the waitlist for donor eggs are over 5 years long so many people now try to find their own donors through advertising. If you know the melbourne's child mag there are about 13 adverts in their each month for egg donors. My fertility specialist says everyone she has treated who has advertised has found a donor. Some people do go overseas but there are some awful stories about donors being stimulated to get heaps of eggs which is not great for their health and of course it is expensive to travel there. I am happy to answer any questions you may have.
    Gargy,
    sorry about DH's stepdad. You have alot going on at the moment. I know how the uncertainty and waiting when dealing with a donor can get you down. I am very lucky that some of the lovely woman on the site I mentioned above get together regularly and it is really great to get together with people who know exactly where you are coming from and also who have really positive stories. These are donors and recipients and we are all woman so we chat openly about everything and get the others point of view on the whole situation! I think it must be difficult for you as the men being the donors, you can't really have the same relationship. have you managed to find any support groups where you can chat with peopel face to face.
    Lulu, hope you are going OK. You sound very positive.
    Hiya Marg, Hope the weightloss is progressing. You are right, having a baby in your arms, should not be too much to ask. Hope you get what you wish for soon.

  3. #39

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    Hi all,

    We are a gay cuple, so have no sperm of our own, and have chosen to go unknown as we feel a known donor would not work well, as my partner (the non-bio mum) is worried about her place in our childs life if we use a known donor who has parental rights. I agree, and so we decided to use an unknown sperm donor.

    Just thought I'd come on here, I might have some interesting things to contribute, and possibly learn lots too

  4. #40

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    Hi Anney,

    Glad we got to say goodbye to DH's stepdad. Hopefully this will lessen DH's stress too.

    Starting to feel slightly sane again. Even this cold has died down to a dull roar. Hopefully I'll be ok going back to work.

    To answer your question - I am a member of a donor support group, and they have bi-monthly face to face meetings. However this seems to be for parents of children conceived using DI. I may get brave and go one day, but not sure whether this will help. Also, the meetings seem to be over in the north shore and eastern suburbs. I'll think about it...

    Hi Leasha

    Welcome!! My husband has azoospermia (ie no sperm), so we are also going down the donor route. We initially went with unknown but found the waiting list too long.

    We are now using a known donor. Not sure if it's different in your situation, but our donor friend will legally have no parental rights once we receive the sperm. He is also going through counselling so that he understands he has no parental rights. We have all talked about his role, and he will be the equivalent of a godfather/uncle to the child.

    However, have great empathy for what your partner is going through in terms of her feelings towards being a non-biological parent. It took my DH a long time to realise that biology has little to do with being a parent. But it's a hard thing to get your head around. I am still a little uncertain at times that we have made the right decision - but these thoughts flit in and out every now and again, particularly when things get tough.

    Anyway - enough of my ramblings. Glad to meet you - hope we all learn from each other!!

    Marg, Lulu - how are you both?? Hope to hear from you soon...

  5. #41

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    Hi Gargy,


    So sorry about DH stepfather. Soooo much on your plate - you are being such a soldier!
    All ok at my end. I have now seen my FS and got AF since my D&C. All this waiting is driving me insane. Today I also saw my Gyno to have my 6 week check after the curette. The tests came back and sadly my baby had Downs so I guess nature took its course. If not I would have only found out 3 weeks later with the amnio and had to terminate then. He asked me if I wanted to know the sex, it was a boy. I needed to know even though this has made it pretty raw again today. He was pretty positive, reminding me that although downs at my age is about 1/90 - there are still 89/90 born without.
    Anyway, the good news is that I am good to go. The FS wanted me to wait a full cycle before starting, so will commence last week of June with next AF. How sad that I just cant wait to start the dreaded needles again..It's all this waiting thats killing me. Every week that goes by just keeps reminding me that my next birthday is not so far away. Anway...here's to the end of June!!
    Welcome Leasha! I am also using donor sperm. Initially I was using anonymous, but now having found a known one, this is my preference. I am a single girl who has just not found Mr Right and is running out of time fast. It is something I want very very much.
    The known donor is better for me as I want my child to know their father if possible. My donor is gay, in a longterm relationship and very committed to participating to the childs life, knowing that he has no recognized parental rights.
    Welcome and you go girls..

    Lulu

  6. #42

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    Hi Gargy - sorry to hear about DH's stepdad.

    Hi Lulu - so sorry to hear your news, how sad. Sometimes it's a case of so close and yet so far. I truly hope your next cycle brings wonderful long-term good news. T/C.

    Hi Leasha - welcome to the forum. Good luck with your journey, I hope there's a BFP just around the corner.

    Hi Tracey - wishing you lots of luck with finding more info on donors and that you find a fantastic one along the way.

    As for me, life is just rolling along at the moment but not very happily! My work is driving me batty and I'm feeling totally stuck! I will have been there 7 years in Dec and it's the closest I've ever been to LSL. They also have 12 months paid maternity leave which is a huge bonus. And I have enough leave tucked away to cover future IVF cycles. BUT I hate being here - it is such a miserable place and it all stems from management - they are hopeless! They only care about themselves and don't give a damn about staff wellbeing or happiness at all.

    SO! My dilemma is that I could start looking for another job BUT then I start from scratch again with all my leave. And how can I start a new job and then go through an IVF cycle with no leave entitlements! AAARRRGGGHHH! Of course the other thing I keep thinking is that while I'm so stressed and miserable in this job - it probably isn't helping my chances of getting pregnant anyway!

    What I wouldn't give to have a partner to lean on at the moment. Most of the time I can handle this journey on my own but every now and then it just gets too hard - like now.

    Oh well, I'll just have to keep thinking it through for now. Oh, and coz work is driving me insane it's proving difficult trying to lose these last few kilos as well (too much stress relieving chocolate I think!) and I REALLY want to get to my goal weight before I have another IVF attempt. Sigh......

    Thanks for listening!!!
    Marg

  7. #43

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    Hey Marg,

    Wow - that really is a tough one..

    What do you actually do? I have to say - your company's perks are pretty outstanding. Very few companies are offering 12mths paid maternity leave. I know people think it should be Australia wide - but speaking from an employer point of view...it's just too tough (for some) to pay the 12mths maternity as well as another full wage to cover the position.
    I agree the stress is so bad for you. I am in the same boat right now unfortunately stress-wise. Is there anyway you can move positions or talking to someone and seeing if things cant be adjusted to alleviate your stress? If you know nothing is going to change..what can I say..it may be time to move on regardless of the leave entitlements. If it's causing so much grief, can it or will improve?
    I guess my advice to you would be...don't jump into a decision but sit back and weigh the pros and cons. Make a list. If the cons are going to outweigh the pros..well I think you have made the decision perhaps..
    The whole IVF journey is so so hard and emotionally taxing especially for you and I. Doing it alone is in a class of its own..
    Thinking of you..

    Lulu

  8. #44

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    Hi Lulu, it certainly is a tough road doing this solo. Of course if it actually worked then all the pain and heartache would be worth it, but it's when you're still waiting for it to happen that it just gets so hard sometimes. Sorry to hear about the stress in your life too. It does make me wonder whether it is actually affecting my chances of getting pregnant. Stress can affect you in so many ways - and usually not good!

    Being realistic, I know part of my frustration at work is that my life is not going to plan! BUT that is still minor compared to the issues at work, as I don't think anyone is really happy here at the moment. As you said, I need to weigh up the pro's and con's and not rush into anything. I definitely don't want to lose the great benefits I have here but I need to think about my sanity at the same time!

    WHY CAN'T LIFE BE EASIER!!!!!!

    Okay, it's Friday - WOO HOO! Two days away from this place!

    Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend,
    Marg
    xoxo

  9. #45

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    Hello Ladies,

    Just reporting in..

    My it's been quiet in here.

    Just wanted to let you know that I am back on the rollercoaster. Starting needles today...here's hoping, praying, wishing...etc

    Hope you're all well....Lulu

  10. #46

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    Hi Lulu,

    Keeping everything crossed. And sending heaps and heaps of your way.

    Take care,
    Marg
    xoxo

  11. #47

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    Hi Lulu & Marg,
    Lulu wishing you so much luck - you are only a couple of weeks behind me. I have my transfer tomorrow. I think you and marg are just wonderful - ivf is hard but i would have to say going thru it alone would add a little more stress . At least with DH i can vent, cry and have someone to through all those hormones at! I too am using donor sperm (brother in law) just hope it works, but hey we all hope it works don't we. Sending you girls and heaps and heaps of

  12. #48

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    Hi Lissie,

    This is certainly a tough journey to go through solo but I think it is a difficult thing for any woman to go through. I think we can all understimate just how strong we are, on the inside and out, when we end up on the fertility rollercoaster. Just think of some of the things we have to cope with, and somehow we keep surviving.

    Good luck with your current cycle. Hopefully we'll have at least a couple of BFP's to celebrate soon.

    Take care,
    Marg

  13. #49

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    Hi everyone!!

    Haven't posted in a long time - end of school was quite full on and I've been spending the first few days of the holidays hibernating. Got to love good books, good movies and chocolate!!

    Marg - did you make a decision about staying at work??

    Lissie and Lulu - good luck!!

    Hey everyone else out there!!

    As for me - had dinner with our donor about 2 weeks ago. He was really excited as he had just completed the next lot of donations. And he was more enthusiastic than we were about having a child in the future! However, I need to chase him tomorrow find out if he's done the counselling.

    Hopefully things will start moving faster in the next six months...

  14. #50

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    Hello Everyone,

    Lissie - hope the transfer went well. Good-luck, I really hope it works for you..I will be thinking of you thru your 2ww (or 2 weeks of hell is kinda how I see it). You're right - it is a tough thing to go thru on your own, particularly my recent miscarriage. It's certainly not an easy road without a constant shoulder.

    Gargy - things are sounding great. So glad he is getting excited and really into it. Sounds like you picked the right guy.

    Marg - hope you're doing ok.

    I am on day 10 of puregon/antagonist needles. Another scan/bloods tomorrow and fingers crossed egg fishing trip Monday. I sooo hope so, if not an extra 2 days of needles and surgery Wednesday.

    Lulu

  15. #51

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    Hi Girls,
    Transfer this morning went fine -my little 3day embies where 6 and 8 cell beauties!
    Now just have to endure the 2week wait from hell unless AF shows up first. So am just taking it easy for the rest of the day. Lulu good luck sweetie - you are a brave girl i imagine you are giving yourself the needles?
    Gargy - good luck with your donor - i know the six month wait just seems like forever - well it did for me at least but know im here on the TWW and full of hope - all the best to you.
    Marg - hope you find peace with a decision on your work. When i started my new job this year - actually when i went for the interview they asked meif i had kids, when i said not at the moment - i went on and was perfectly honest with them, i told them about my IVF journey and that i planned on continuing with it, i told them if i got the job i would need time off now and then etc and guess what they hired me cause of my honesty. So sometimes it pays off i thought if i told them they would not even look at me but i was dead wrong. I have only been there 5months and having this week off , due to egg pick up and transfer - my clinic like you to have a week off at this time - they think we need it emotionally/physically and mentally and i must agree with them.
    Anyway girls good luck to all and heaps of

  16. #52

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    Girls there is another thread that is great, its for TTC for older women, have a look its in the TTC buddy section, great women in there, and range from 35-43 plus - hope to see you over there.

  17. #53

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    Hey Lissie,

    So glad the transfer went well..the embies are huge!! Great work. I have my fingers crossed for you. Thought my pickup would be tomorrow (Mon) but she wants my levels a little higher. Yet another bloodtest tomorrow and then Wednesday for pickup I hope.
    Lissie - the 2WW is the worst...I have ordered my 25 preg tests - I am so sad..there is no way I can sit there and wait.
    Good luck..and thanks for the other thread - will check it out.

    best...Lulu

  18. #54

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    Hey Lulu,
    Don't get down about egg pick up being delayed - they delayed mine too. When i went for my final u/s they said only 3 good follies and the other 10or so were not big enough - so my doc decided to wait another day another 2 injections and whamo got 5 eggies - which they were very impressed with being 42 and all. So just go with the flow they are the experts. Mind you i had a huge meltdown on the u/s day and could not even go to work i cryed soooo much - thought i had failed etc etc - all part of IVF rollacoaster i guess - anyway spoke to you in the other thread and nice to see you over there -
    Wednesday will be a breeze and you will get some good eggies i just know it.

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