Donor Conception General Chatter #3

[blizz]

Oh honey,
I understand now, how hard that must have been for you!!! what a lot of pressures to be going through, especially at an already hard and stressful time of year. I can't truely understand your feelings, but I do know how hard it is to face christmas when you have lost loved ones this was our first christmas with out our much loved MIL, she died in feb this year suddenly from a tumour and christmas really sucked this year!! in fact, we tended to ignore it, only doing our own bits for DD.
This is the first year that DH has ever had to work christmas, he was on night shift and got home boxing day morning. It was a really lonely feeling for me and I'm surrounded by family, so I can only guess how much harder it has been for you.In fact BB helped me keep sane knowing that I wasn't the only person in the world at Christmas time (it sure felt like it at times)
Others people's happiness is also alot harder to take. I know I shouldn't, but, I had a few thoughts at my family gathering my SIL's about to give birth in January, i couldn't help thinking "that should be me I should be celebrating my pregnancy along side her instead of again facing the long process and dreaded waiting times of IVF, which this year I will be doing more on my own as DH is only new in his job and time off is a little tricky to ask for just yet having taken a couple of days last month for a funeral.
oh sweety I'm sending you the biggest cyber hug I can manage:hugs: and just wish I could give you the real one you really need, Please take care of your self and try not to give up on hope and life!! there is a corner and you will turn it shortly and things can only get better from there.
I remember getting to a point at one stage when we were first diagnosed as infertile of thinking "how many bad things can keep happening to one couple, everything we did or tried to do kept turning to S#*!!, It is really hard to see your way out of the hole that you feel like your sitting at the bottom of.
Please remember were here and you can PM me when ever you like.(according to another post I just read I don't have enough posts to PM yet but I think I must be getting close well, anyway, I'm here to stay in this chat ) When DH is away I tend to be on line a lot more late at night, helps me feel less lonely. Things will improve for you!!!! have you got a supportive friend, GP, counsellor you could talk things through with? just for you, I know that physically it is DH's problem but in every other way it is yours as well and you will need a good supportive network for yourself, I have some good friends who are angels and If I can be your angel friend please let me,
you don't have to go through this on your own!!!
Allie xxxx

[Caramello]

Tarkine,

Big hugs to you too :hugs:.

Please don't feel that you have to put on the happy face for people in this forum - while we may not have your specific issues (particularly with the anniversaries and family issues - so sorry to hear about that) we DO understand how it feels to be struggling to concieve where everyone else seems to have a dream run and falls pregnant at a drop of a hat, let alone have no issues with their eggs or sperm.

Last year we had a complete time out from the family and had a quiet Christmas on our own - it really helped after two failed IUIs. This year wasn't so bad as we spent most of our time this year struggling with SD bureaucracy, so TTC wasn't the focus. Don't know how we'll go next year.

What you are feeling sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Maybe next time say to DH that you're really not up to the whole Christmas event, or at least have some time on your own (either by yourself or as a couple). I couldn't think of anything worse than being stuck in a car being forced to be jolly about Christmas lights when I didn't want to, with people who really wouldn't understand.

[Caramello]

Blizz,

I also understand what you are saying

Others people's happiness is also alot harder to take

When I found out that a collegue at school was pregnant it took all my energy not to find a carving knife or scream out to the universe - this is so UNFAIR - why does she get the dream run and I have to struggle and struggle to try and have a child?

PS Don't worry, usuallly I don't have fantasies about chasing people with knives but this particular person is completely obnoxious and it really underlined how unfair infertility is.

I hit that hole of

"how many bad things can keep happening to one couple, everything we did or tried to do kept turning to S#*!!, It is really hard to see your way out of the hole that you feel like your sitting at the bottom of.

earlier this year. The only thing I can say to you that with time and communication you can claw your way out of it, but it always sits there menacing on the edge of your thoughts.

But the good thing is that we all DID make it through this year - maybe not with the grace we had hoped, but we made it. And I think that's got to count for something, doesn't it??