Hi

I was an egg donor for an older friend several years ago. She was 43 and had had 6 unsuccessful IVF attempts. I was 25, and had 1 child, and when she had another donor pull out, I volunteered.

For my part, I didn't feel I was giving away a "child", although it was wonderful to help them make a baby. I viewed my donated eggs as eggs that would have otherwise been wasted. If they weren't donated that cycle they would have been released at ovulation and never fertilized.

We had several visits with several fertility specialists. We had the required counselling visits. I filled out the forms with my family health history and my occupation and interests for the donor register.

The medical process was fine - I handled the stimulated cycle well. We got a good number of eggs and embryos. The recipient had 2 transferred and some frozen. The transferred embryos didn't take.

I found that quite devastating. Even knowing the statistics and probabilities, it still felt awful. And what made it harder was that I didn't feel like I could tell anyone how I felt. they weren't my embryos. I felt that I shouldn't feel bad about the outcome, because even though I had contributed I wasn't really a party, and that as a donor I shouldn't have this emotional response. I know, logically it was probably quite silly, and I could have accessed the counsellor at the IVF clinic but I really strongly felt the need to maintain the facade, that I wasn't attached to the eggs. I still felt unattached to the eggs, but I felt so badly that it hadn't worked. Its hard to describe, really.

As far as I know, the frozen embryos are still frozen. Certainly, enough time has passed, I don't think they will be used by that couple now.

Although I didn't have to see the reality of a baby born from my eggs, my friend and her partner felt most strongly that the baby should know its origins, and know who I was. I have to say, I was so relieved they felt that way. To me it would have been unethical to not be honest about it. I would have had to think very hard about donating if I knew that any child born from my donation was not to be told the truth.

Now my husband and I are beginning our own IVF journey as he had cancer and is now infertile. We have discussed the use of donor sperm if we run out of his own, but he isn't keen on the idea. He is open to the notion of donating any embryos we may have left over - if his cancer doesn't rule out that possibility.

I don't know if I would donate eggs again. Its not so much the issue of attachment or the emotional fallout of an unsuccessful transfer but rather, the fact that it is an invasive medical procedure. Its the drugs, and the injecting and how they make you feel. Its ultrasounds, and the anesthesia, and all that "stuff" that is off-putting. I think I would consider it for a close friend or family member. But even though I know the pain of infertility, I don't think I'll do anonymous donation.