I am a FDC mum..... and I would move him.

She will treat the FDC kids as her own, so if you dont agree with her parenting, then she is "parenting" your child in a way you dont like.. not cool.

I treat my FDC like a centre, as in set times and rules, but with lots of lea-way (sp?) for their own personalities. Some treat it like play dates, where they arent pulled into line or taught the rules. If her own children dont have any, then she would see really rowdy behaviour as perfectly fine.

The fact that the house was bedlam before you left rings alarm bells to me.. speak to the FDC CDO, and tell her your concerns and to help you find a "suitable" carer.. they get to know the carers pretty well, and should be able to find one that fits you and DS much better... xoxoxo