What a great thread Arcadia thankyou for beginning it & thankyou for all of the thoughtful responses.

This is such a multi layered issue. Birthing plans are very often not read or adhered to & I have seen that time and again. Quite rightly I understand why Women hold the belief that they need to have some "control" over their birth - when in the current "system" there is so little control given to birthing Women.

I despair sometimes when I read the stories of women or look into the eyes of a Woman who just does not understand why her birth resembled nothing like she envisioned.

I hope I can offer some of my insights into this formed over the years I have experienced Women in birth & during my own births.

Firstly birth is an unknown & we cannot control it. Part of the wonder of birth is that we need to "give over" our bodies, part of our Being. It's what we do when we birth. Birth is a line between life & death - a "little death" is known to describe orgasm & as such it describes birth as well. I always say death sits in the corner of each room that birth is in. By that it can be the death of the mother or child I guess - a reality. But more part of us dies - & is born. This is the letting go. It is my honest, deep & experienced belief that until a Woman can accept this in part birth will be very very difficult for that Woman. Women get "stuck". We talk about our heads giving birth before our body does. Well in part this is why. We really have to accept this handing over of part of us to a higher self, to the birthing process or whatever it might be. But it's letting go.

I cringe saying that out loud as I know I get much flack for my thoughts on the sacredness of the birthing process here on BB. I know that those that do not share my belief find it hard to wrap their heads around. That's okay I gently and openly accept that it sounds out there to many.

However, this is what I believe is largely "wrong" with the system.

We do not honor the sacredness of the act of birthing a child. It is sacred. It is not just a physical act. It is this great honor that we have tried to stuff into a surgical steel autoclaved birthing kit called a labor ward. It doesn't work. Just like most of us can't make love under fluro lights in a shopping centre mall outside Crazy Clarks. It doesn't work for most of us. That's why birth doesn't work. Not because birth plans are wrong, or doctors are morons & midwives are overworked. It's because we are not honoring this amazing great act of birth!

It needs to be done our way. We Women need to learn how to go inside of our bodies, ask ourselves what we need. WE then need to seek it out. It IS out there for us. Yes, it's hard to access because of the crazy clarks scenario but it can be found. But the answer does first lie inside us. What do I need? Where do I feel safest? What does it feel like to make love to my partner? What do I need to do that well, sensually and beautifully? I need candles? Perhaps a nice aroma? Privacy? Music? Safety? spontaniety? What is it I need? This is what needs to be the basis for our plans. Then how do I get my needs met? Do I go to the nearest private hospital? Or do I have this experience at home? Do I invite my mother? Do I invite my children? My chooks (I attended a birth where the chooks came into the loungeroom and the laughter is what birthed that baby I"m sure!). This birth needs to be planned for normal. Because usually it's normal.

When it's not how do I best feel all of the above at crazy clarks? For me (& I experienced the ultimate crazy clarks birth!) I had chanting music, I smeared my oils under my nose, I had the curtains open so Icould see the trees andthe sky, I had dimmed lights, I prayed. I had plan Z because we all need plan Z.

I agree so very much that we have to very much be responsible for our choices. We DO have control over many of them. We also have control over blame, anger & bitterness at what we perceive was taken from us. HOWEVER I have come to learn that even that which is out of our control can be empowering if we aim to see it in the best light.

I get why some women don't feel safe at home. Then that's not the place for your most intimate birth! I fully understand. For some women it's not safe to birth their baby's through their vagina - they are too afraid because of loss or grief or rape or violence. That is not the place for their most intimate birth.

What is absolutely essential though is that women learn to listen to their voice. That one that speaks inside us all that many of us have not been programmed to listen to. That one that is always wise and right - FOR US! My voice will say different things to yours because my DNA is different. But essentially women will often feel ufulfilled about their births or discontent or uneasy if they do not touch the inner sacredness that birth awakens in a Woman.

I truly believe this.

I feel sad when I read derogatory referals to the wild woman births or goddess births or earth mother births. Not because I am offended but because I hope & believe one day that Woman will get back to the wildness of birth that once was. The instinctual drive to birth with great passion & intuition. It is such a gift that we are truly missing out on when we hand it over to stainless steel.