This is a very interesting topic. Having grace in difficult times is easier when you're prepared. It's the "I wasn't expecting that comment" scenario that floors me. And being tired, hungry etc means my defences are down and makes things harder to deal with.

However, if I'm better prepared and grounded, one of the best techniques I've found is a visual application of a gestalt therapy tool. Say you have a disagreement with someone. You sit in one chair, with an empty chair in front of you. You say your side of things, then get up and sit in the other chair and BE the other person and say their side of things. In therapy, the therapist asks questions to get answers from both perspectives. I've used it to understand things like why a guy dumped me etc - I was able to see me from his perspective. I've since tried doing it just by myself when I'm trying to understand where someone else is coming from.

The visual side of this, is when you're talking with someone you disagree with, is to visualise you are standing where they are, looking back at you. What do they (you) see, how does that make them feel (you), why are they (you) reacting the way they are? I did this with my Dad. I've always felt that he is controlling and manipulative and it drives me insane. We've had huge arguments about things. We may never get along, but doing this once, I felt that I(he) wasn't trying to control me, I(he) was just feeling insecure and wanted to get closer to me but didn't know how, so was trying to force my hand. Does that make sense? It's not a cure-all, but it helped me back down from my position a little. It's not as effective as physically changing chairs, but it helps.

I suppose it's a form of practising compassion. I just wish the other person would do the same

The other thing I've found in arguments, is they often escalate because no-one wants to look like thy're backing down and losing their position. This is where the "agree to disagree" is useful to defuse things. It says I'm not willing to fight with you about this. I'm letting it go.