Hit by the ugly stick

[AnyDream]

First of all I want to thank absolutely everyone who has replied. I have read and re-read everything you've written, and I feel the care that you've each put into your words. Thank you .

Sloane, I like your point about doing something nice for yourself - not because it's about improving your appearance but to remind yourself you are worth it. That's not superficial at all.

Thepix - my library's copy is mysteriously unavailable but I know I can get a copy at the cancer care centre...will look for it when I'm next over there.

Kazbah - sorry but your post made me burst out laughing...I'm sooooo far from supermodel-aspiringness that it was just hilarious. I don't think this is what you meant sorry but it gave me a good laugh though.

Junglemum - Agree, time is the great physician

Trill - good on for being brave and calling this what everyone else has politely stepped around: self-loathing. I think you might be right about the sudden disconnect I had - it's like there's an inner reality and an external reality and they've both been mucked about & now they don't match so I have to wait awhile until they catch up to each other. You're spot on about it being a grief process. xxx

Cass - my soul sista - your words really touched me:

it is a personal journey that needs alot of navel gazing about what your body means to YOU. and how she is still your most precious, beautiful life partner; no matter the bumps and grazes that come with that journey.

I like your advice about loads of beauty treats too

Starrysky - thank you for admitting that you identify with some of what I have written, and validating that it is something important. I guess for me it's less about looks and more a reflection of being out of balance in a profound way, which is why I landed in the emotional devt forum & not the beauty etc one.

Mak - thanks for reminding me about recharging my batteries. I have been so focussed on trying to get up to the "normal" standard (whatever the hiker that means) that I've forgotten how depleted I really am.

Neptune - I value your input & appreciate the reframe of "adjustment and reality check". It's funny, I thought I had done a lot of the emotional processing before my mast (I was in the unusual situation of having 7 months to anticipate the surgery) and even immed afterwards I was calm - so the depth of feeling now has surprised me.

So, after all that, I'm not sure that I've found any answers - time perhaps and some self-pampering might not go astray, some affirmations and positive self talk too. Another day in the life of my mental health...

[thepixie]

MD I didn't have much time when I posted last, but I was going to say that when I looked at the title of thread I thought it was going to be about what a horrible expression 'hit with the ugly stick' is and how unpleasant to hear someone say it about someone else... I never imagined you would be thinking it about yourself
MD you have so much strength and wisdom. You have carried yourself through this rollercoaster with such dignity and grace. But don't forget that the journey isn't over. Chemo and surgery are an assault on the body and on the psyche too. You made yourself strong to withstand it, but the aftermath is part of the process too. Just don't forget to be kind to yourself, to nurture and take care of yourself as you did before. Your body and soul are still in need of gentle treatment.

[Queen]

I am sorry you feel this way hun
Perhaps get yourself a 'positive board' that has photos of you, that you like, positive quotes, affirmations etc and look at it everyday, focus and be happy.
I have never met you but you seem like SUCH a wonderfully supportive woman who I would be glad to have in my corner...
As for hit with ugly stick, next time say have I? Well you are about to be hit by 18,000 hormonal BB members with bats LOOK OUT!!!

Chin up hun love yourself as much as everyone else does

[smiles4u]

OMG MD my heart just plummeted when i read your thread

... i remember last year when my SIL and i were talking on the phone after she had her left breast removed & she somehow found the pleasure in telling me she still had a tiny cleavage and we even giggled about it ... a giggle can come from the strangest places at times but then maybe it's not so strange as it did make us feel good & i will never forget ' that ' giggle only something a woman can understand ... i guess where i'm heading with this is no magical words (i wish i could) but i feel wonderful for you MD that you are seeking to find what it is you need in telling us how you feel ... a community as big as this is surely to come up with some direction or place where is right for you to go, even if it means a read of something in the meantime.

When i first read the TITLE of your thread ... i instantly felt protective of you, like who ... what ... uh, who said what & where ... OMG i'm gonna kick their butts ... At least it's a sure sign even for those of us that have not yet met you MD but your incredibly likable & for many, many reasons

[AnyDream]

Queen, I love your suggestion of getting a positive board going...I have some lovely affirmation cards but they tend to float around a bit...it would be nice to have them together in one lovely place. Reminding me of my own loveliness.

Pix - You're right, I would never allow someone to say it about someone else.

Smiles - Your SIL was amazing to find the positive like she did and I know you treasure those memories . I have already gotten significant benefit from this thread - even tho when I started it I thought I might flush out more BBers with their own 'ugly stick' feelings - I have been digesting slowly slowly and I can feel a shift taking place inside me. Not there yet but it's coming. BTW - I feel much safer knowing you're on my side, sticking up for me, Smiles!

[Mak]

MD just wanted to check in - I have been thinking of you and wish I had wonderful advice that could help. x

[smiles4u]

.... reckon my gorgeous SIL would be standing with me in spirit and giggling at the thought of helping me kick someone's butt and doing it with a SMILE, lol ... and we'd do it ' only ' for YOU MD any day, any time if it made you feel that much better if anyone was to upset you

Queen has actually got a fab idea there as my friend (known her for 20years this yr) was going through such a crappy time ... not a thing we did could help her ... so her DH (he's a comical character) came up with this idea to hang a ** WhiteBoard ** in the kitchen entrance for all to see, so when she got up in the morning for a cuppa or was making dinner in the evening it was within sight to see ... and we could all write something lovely or something funny about her ... OMG there were such beautiful comments about her and some that gave you the biggest laugh.
She's a huge Kylie Monigue fan so i wrote a separate comment as if it were from Kylie and it said " I'm at my happiest when i wear my cheeks hanging out of my GOLD shorts, you can borrow 'em anytime "