Learning how to stop being impulsive...

[C~Q]

It's pretty much accross the board, whether it is spending money, going out, chucking a sickie, dancing in silly heels when I know it'll hurt my leg. I just find it so hard to look a the bigger picture. Just googled ADHD in adults and what i've read is pretty accurate, thats scary

I think a big part of it for me is an urge for self destruction...it's hard to explain I don't mean wanting to hurt myself but in a way, inadvertantly not caring if I do...does that make sense? Wow, this is all leaping up into my head now. In the past, the anorexia, I also had a thing...similar where I wouldn't drink water (this makes no sense) i'd be thirsty but because I knew I had to drink water I wouldn't want to do it (sounds ****ed up I know). Also I know that I put things off, things that I love. Like my job, i'll have two/three weeks to learn my choreography and I will always, always leave it till a day or two before and my classes/launches suffer because of it. I know I do it, I know it's terrible but in my head I say "the situation is not now, so right now I don't care". I hate that about myself. Almost like i'm sabataging myself. Another example, going on holiday I won't do the washing so I can take the clothes I want...because I think i'll figure it out int he end, I almost want to put myself in a situation where it makes my life more difficult. What the hell is going on with that???

I don't think I have an addctive personality...i'm very good at using mental will power to pull myself out of things but I have to be really ready to do that IYKWIM? I can't do it if i['m not ready. But I do think I have an obsessive personality...like if I have a new book or tv series then i'll watch or rea dtill it's finished and anything that gets in the way of that ****es me off...in a really unproportional (is that a word?) way.

Sorry guys, I really value what you're saying and a lot of this helps by me just putting down and making sense of whats in my head x

[Lulu]

aHHH - aren't you like me!!

You need crisis point as a catalyst. I used to view it as "working best under pressure"....so I would leave things to pressure point before I could/would do anything. Then run around like a mad thing and get it all done.

But then I got sick of a half-assed job, I got sick of my own slackness and changed things about. I was hopeless with housework. It takes so little (literally 20 mins a day) for me to keep on top of it....but no. I wait until it's abominable, then spring into action.
You know what changed that for me? Living with 2 separate anal retentive tidy types. Honestly, it's like I need an adult around half the time *eye roll. However it proves to me I can do it and I end up developing a better habit than relying on crisis point.

I was also similar to you in other areas. I ended up telling myself "I won't do it THIS time". It really helped and the high I would get from being a Big Girl...well it was great but I often felt like a dork because it was actually pretty easy in the end. I changed the "payoff" from crisis situation to "job well done" or "less stress".

I think you could make a difference if you try harder though. Pick ONE thing for the week.

[C~Q]

Thanks Lu, I think you're right because I feel good if I make a decision that I will NOT do something, I feel great...then someone asks me to do it and I go "ok" and it all goes to ****. But I know that if I didn't say ok, then I would feel even better. Infact I did something like that yesterday and I did feel better

You're also right about the underpressure thing. It's why I don't make lunches until the morning then in the morning I get in the zone and do it quickly BUT it would make the mornings a lot less stressfull if I did do it the night before...but I don't.

Same with the house work. It's currently trashed Even down to sticky marks on the floor...it needs to be done, but i'll always leave it till it gets to this point and then do a massive clean....and then say i'm going to keep it up...but never do.

Think i'm going to go inside myslef a bit...just chill out and reflect and have some "me" time...I tend to hate being by myself and always try and be busy...think I need some solitude for a while x

[Lulu]

oooohhh no you don't! Geeze you are a slippery little sucker - you are doing it again already

The last thing you need is more bloody navel gazing...and telling yourself you need "me time". You need to go wipe the sticky marks off the floor FIRST.

You are just really good at avoiding doing the boring and mundane. Did you see Allie's blog post about CLEANING ALL THE THINGS?

It's boring, repetitive but has to be done. Over and overandoverandoverandoverandover...you get the drift. You hate being by yourself cos that's housework time and ya don't wanna. If you are by yourself you start thinking of all the things you are supposed to do, then start hating yourself for not doing it...the list of THINGS get so big it's overwhelming so you go to the pub instead. Feel me?

So - get off here and go make some sandwiches for lunch tomorrow. THEN chill out. That should take you 15 mins max. You have to eat your vegies BEFORE you have dessert right? So CLEAN THE THINGS first, then chill out.

The payoff is you truly will be chilling out instead of feeling crap about not CLEANING THE THINGS.

Sermon over.

[C~Q]

Lol thanks Lu, can I start the cleaning tomorrow though? But I WILL make the sandwiches tonight, I promise!

At least i'll stop spending now the next few months of work are looking shaky...thats a start I guess. And less going out to save money means less time out on the booze and doing reckless things like going to the casino or spending $60 on a cab instead of getting the bus. And/or possibly snogging the wrong bloke

[Lulu]

Start simple. Sandwiches are good. Snog all you want just don't shag. And learn to say no

[C~Q]

Sandwiches are good. Snog all you want just don't shag. And learn to say no

My new life code...will stick it on my fridge lol