It's pretty much accross the board, whether it is spending money, going out, chucking a sickie, dancing in silly heels when I know it'll hurt my leg. I just find it so hard to look a the bigger picture. Just googled ADHD in adults and what i've read is pretty accurate, thats scary

I think a big part of it for me is an urge for self destruction...it's hard to explain I don't mean wanting to hurt myself but in a way, inadvertantly not caring if I do...does that make sense? Wow, this is all leaping up into my head now. In the past, the anorexia, I also had a thing...similar where I wouldn't drink water (this makes no sense) i'd be thirsty but because I knew I had to drink water I wouldn't want to do it (sounds ****ed up I know). Also I know that I put things off, things that I love. Like my job, i'll have two/three weeks to learn my choreography and I will always, always leave it till a day or two before and my classes/launches suffer because of it. I know I do it, I know it's terrible but in my head I say "the situation is not now, so right now I don't care". I hate that about myself. Almost like i'm sabataging myself. Another example, going on holiday I won't do the washing so I can take the clothes I want...because I think i'll figure it out int he end, I almost want to put myself in a situation where it makes my life more difficult. What the hell is going on with that???

I don't think I have an addctive personality...i'm very good at using mental will power to pull myself out of things but I have to be really ready to do that IYKWIM? I can't do it if i['m not ready. But I do think I have an obsessive personality...like if I have a new book or tv series then i'll watch or rea dtill it's finished and anything that gets in the way of that ****es me off...in a really unproportional (is that a word?) way.

Sorry guys, I really value what you're saying and a lot of this helps by me just putting down and making sense of whats in my head x