I know what you mean, and funilly enough i actually had a conversation with my mum on that topic only yesterday! although i didnt say that how i really felt about her mothering! she commented on all the things i do with DD, just simple stuff to pass the day that i see as pretty normal, cooking, gardening, etc etc and she said she felt sorry that she never took the time to do those things with me and how it made her feel like a bad mother, i re-asured her she was a great mum, which on the whole she is, but i always felt like she didnt take the time to be patient with me. Controled crying, smaking, shouting, fear, crying, anger, blackmail.(just a few words that pop in my head about my childhood) from as early as i can remember till about five years ago (when i left the uk) when we get on we have a great relationship but having to tread on egg shells thoughout your childhood is not the way i want DD to feel with me!!

I guess you just have to take the model your parents gave you on 'parenting 101' and do the oposite and hope for the best!! i know the things i DONT want to do and how i DONT want my children to feel about me! so thats all i can do.

now that im reading back over what ive writen im getting guilty pangs, if my mother ever knew i felt this way she would be so devistated because at the end of the day im sure she did the best SHE knew how to do and i know she loved me with ever drop of her being, just handled our lives badly and the outcome was negative. i alway felt...and still do i guess, that it was always me verse them, im only now starting to see the child in my mother, and the childish responces she had to situations were from uneducation and fear.

Well, that pretty much didnt answer your question and was a bit of a me-vent, sorry about that, i guess its a passionate subject for some!