Those Who Take Complete, Unconditional Responsibility For Their Own Lives.....

[Bathsheba]

Great article Yep, I've read this before and often wonder if I too am thwarting my own potential in reaching my goals. I interpreted the materialism in the article as representing any goal... travel... career... creative goals.

I see some of this in DH... the fear of leaving comfort zones... and so I sometimes often deliberately leave mine in a visible way to him just to "show him". For example, he struggles with public speaking too and so when the minister at church asked me to speak one Sunday I fully embraced it (while quietly crapping myself) but DH came along and when I walked up there to speak I gritted my teeth and I said to myself: "I'll show him!". DH is a bit like you Fiona, his career would FLY if he could manage a bit of public speaking... what's really confusing though is when i met him he was happy enough to get up on stage and sing every weekend anyhow off topic. ETA: though the thing with public speaking is that it really does get easier the more times you do it.

Comfort zones are interesting places. They are the waters that are slowly slowly brought to the boil without the frog even noticing.

this article makes me want to up and move even more!!! Ah! but for ME is moving a comfort zone in itself? (given that I have lost count how many houses I have lived in). Maybe the path to my success is staying put for once!?

[Rouge]

Honestly. I'm in two minds. There are lots of reasons people don't always achieve what they want to and it doesn't always relate back to comfort zones.

I know someone who has the mentality that if you just don't want to do it don't. Don't get upset or emotional, it has no value, it is completely irrational and unintellectual. Just don't do it and do what you want to do instead. Which IMO is bollocks. I am more than happy to step outside my comfort zone and do often. I am probably not in a good place to answer this question without my own "emotional filters" due to the fact he reads like this someone I know talks and this someone has an amazing amount of emotional growth to do if they are ever going to get anywhere in life. Not everything is an equation, and not always does it take the same method to get the same end result. We are not robots or machines. And the whole overuse of the word victim, don't get me started on that.

Too many things are intellectualised these days. And sometimes simple is better, and not just that but sometimes over intellectuallising just makes you seem dumb or your argument seem repugnant.

Not to mention the fact that a lot of people who do go far in this world are lucky enough to have come across their talents, and if you ask most they will tell you it was by pure chance. And there has to be an interest. And given the amount of abilities and opportunities in the world some people can unfortunately take to 50 before they figure out what it is they are meant to be doing and therefore enjoy, are passionate about and succeed well at.

And if everyone was successful would anyone be? And why does success need to be judged by your wealth, career choice or stature? To me success is more valued by how you keep your relationships, the morals you keep, if you can live a happy life and be a good person. Money is nice but its not everything. And a lot of the baggage that one needs to work through in order to be successful in my mind isn't something you just do or don't. It's never that easy.

So IMO I think this person is simplifying something by intellectualising it, which is in turn denying many different factors that contribute to success. And do or do not is not it. All that does is make people feel crap when they happen to be a little bit more complex than that.

Yes I have my "emotional filters" on... but you did ask

Yep the more I think about it, I would say his perspective lacks any emotion or growth. And emotional growth isn't being above all emotions.

And guess what else... I feel VERY successful (but I also think we shouldn't allow ourselves to think we are completely successful or we lose sight of personal growth and lose ourself in our own perceived perfection... what an icky place that would be!)

[Lulu]

To extend - what this dude says is absolutely true. Especially in his context.

There are so many people that want something but are so totally unwilling to do anything about it. They just want the end result. I was really successful in my home business and others wanted a go too but at the end of the day they were just NOT willing to do what was required. And then decide it's some other reason why they weren't successful.
I could write a step by step guide to what to do for a certain situation and even then something else would always get in the way or there would be some excuse.

What annoyed my most was being told "oh you are so luuucky". Pigs bum I was - it was because I was fricken relentless in my pursuit of my goals.
I still see it now, I have people asking me all the time about how do this or that in business - and they don't seem to like the answers, or are surprised it requires so much work.

You can have the worlds best vision board but staring at it all day gets you nowhere, it should serve as a reminder to keep on trucking towards your goal, not trying to materialise something out of nothing.

At this point I've reassessed things because I know what's required and can't give that right now. I may as well enjoy my time at home with the kids cos it ain't gonna happen again, but when they don't need me so much I'll be able to give the time I need to my pursuits.
I'm not willing to return to f/t work - but that's no ones fault, it's my choice.

That's whats in my top sig - If I cannot find a way, I will make one.

[Rouge]

Absolutely. And in my life thats true too. But I still think that its not as simple as just do it. Not for everyone. I've worked pretty hard to get where I am and it wasn't just "luck" for me either. I do think I had some breaks along the way, but I also wasn't sitting around whinging thinking woe is me. I think the woe is me mentality is a definite blockage, as is doing absolutely nothing about your situation. But I don't think just because you want to be the CEO of a multimillion dollar company (I wouldn't but some people see that as success) doesn't mean you will be, same for if you wanted to be an opera singer but couldn't hold a note.

As I said I am in two minds, but I think a blanket policy never works for anything. And I agree with him about the visualization board. You can ask for the opportunity but if you have no desire to change your situation there is no way you will succeed at anything. But wanting something and doing something isn't ALWAYS going to get you what you want.

[Phteven]

I think that we make our own luck. I read an amazing article in New Scientist a few years ago about lucky and unlucky people. They got people who considered themselves lucky and people who considered themselves unlucky. Then they presented them all with a bunch of hypothetical scenarios and asked what they would do. The people who considered themselves lucky found ways to exploit oppurtunities and saw the scenarios as positive. The people who considered themselves unlucky viewed the scenarios in a more negative light and failed to notice ways that they could benefit from them.

I think that the point he makes about taking control of your reactions is very relevant - you may have no control over your inability to hold a note but you can choose to accept that, enjoy singing in the local choir and get on with finding another career that makes you happy or you can spend the rest of your life struggling to make it as an opera singer and bemoaning your bad luck.

[Toomanytoomany]

I think this attitude to making money is too often extrapolated to more general areas of life when in reality, sometimes s**t happens and there's not much you can do about it, no matter how many times you try to make lemonade, kwim? Sometimes the universe doles out dreadful things in sequence.

The unfortunate corollary to this kind of thinking can also sometimes be that it is interpreted that if you are struggling, it's all your own fault. And, well, no.

[Smoke Jaguar]

A related idea that I got when doing a time-management course (was offered by CFA, accidentally to vols when it was supposed to be for admin staff, he he!) and it's this:

Is what I'm doing right now moving me towards my goal?

I guess that's a simpler way of putting that article, in some senses.
I did another course through the CFA a while ago that also helped mobilise me to do more things that were 'true to myself', though the mere fact that I'd applied for the opportunity after getting my arse joined up to the fire brigade already was a manifestation of my 'I happen to life' attitude that I adopted in my mid-20's!
There's always something that comes up that sheds light on something else that I had accepted without question before or that I hadn't realised was a comfort zone. I have so few comfort zones left that the ones I know about act as my refuge when things get a bit too much. I've been so busy this pregnancy, for various reasons, that on Mon and Tue this week I consciously slept in and told myself to do nothing. I've got 3 weeks to go, give or take...by Wed I had itchy feet again, so my challenge is to accept quietness and let it wash over me!
So, yeah, I wouldn't ever hold myself up as any kind of epitome of success for anyone else (been studying for umpteen years and not a single useful qualification out of it!), and I CAN say that I have lived the last 10 years according to what I value and I don't feel like I've failed myself, or been cheated out of anything. Even my mistakes are my own and no-one's getting credit for those, cos it would mean where I am now is someone else's fault. And I know it's not.
Not sure what kind of tangent I went on there - stream of consciousness that the OP triggered!

ETA: Toomany - I guess the way I've learned and been taught to counter the 's..t happens' part of life is to realise what things are in your control and what isn't in your control. No point getting worked up (to either polarity) about things that you cannot control. There is so much that you CAN control though, even your reactions to the things you can't

[Phteven]

in reality, sometimes s**t happens and there's not much you can do about it, no matter how many times you try to make lemonade, kwim? Sometimes the universe doles out dreadful things in sequence.

The unfortunate corollary to this kind of thinking can also sometimes be that it is interpreted that if you are struggling, it's all your own fault. And, well, no.

I get what you mean, there's no doubt that awful things can happen to us that are beyond our control but your post made me think of 2 women I'm acquainted with. Both of them lost their sons about 10 years ago. I'm sure that we'd both agree that life can't hand you a much bitterer lemon than that. One of these women resolved to be grateful for the time she had with her son and to live her life in a way that would make him proud - she founded a charity called Mahboba's Promise that does amazing work with women and children in Afghanistan. The other woman still hasn't moved on, she has convinced herself that the reason the police have never made an arrest in her son's case is because they are unwilling to and lives every day with the bitterness associated with those thoughts.
One woman has mired herself in victimhood and despite all the aspects of her life that should giver her joy she is miserable. The other one rejected victimhood and is happy and has achieved something wonderful.