I think the girls have made some great points, you are so used to being treated badly in a relationship that you don't believe you deserve anything better. That's a very hard mind set to get out of, you were married for a long time and haven't been free for that long- you need to value yourself for all the things you have achieved and there are a lot of them!

Huge hugs to you, its a hard road to self acceptance/love and I don't think I'm there either LOL.