Meow, it's tough. You hit the nail on the head with the decision taking up too much mental space. It gets all consuming - well it did for me. I'm still not ok about it. It is a bit different for you right now as your window for TTC is in 6-12 months time.

I would try again tomorrow if DH said yes. But don't get me wrong - he never said no. He just overwhelmingly wanted to move on to a different part of his life. But he did acknowledge that it was not purely his decision. But when your other half is not 100% positive about the idea then i knew it wasn't my decision to make either. I had to at least start to entertain the idea that my children might stop at two. And accept that as time wore on, i would eventually no longer desire another baby. I am doing that. It is not a decision that is resolved as such.

You will naturally adore and love any more children, and probably never be able to imagine life any other way.