my real dad remarried and went on honeymoon and didnt tell us till he got back....hes got 3 daughters so i do understand huni...the meal sounds like a brill idea..xxx
Well, now I feel totally deflated. I had a lovely conversation with SIL on the phone the other night and she invited me to a girls' afternoon tea in a couple of weeks (I think in place of a baby shower). So I asked them to dinner, she said they were pretty busy, she'd check with BIL to find a good date and get back to me.
BIL rings DP today to say they have no free time between now and when the baby is due (in September - and SIL is on maternity leave now). And that he assumes the first three months after the baby is born will be out too, wouldn't they? Double DP said no, not really, in fact it's easier to get out and about with a tiny baby (FFS it's only over to our house for dinner, it's hardly a harbour cruise...) than once they're older.
No idea what to say. How do we congratulate them and give them a gift? Although on the plus side, this totally reinforces my decision to concentrate on dealing with SIL and leave the boys out of it.
I think you are right in just trying to stick to building a separate relationship with SIL. Maybe you two could do a lunch or something and talk about the wedding between the two of you, sounds like BIL is going to sabotage any effort to get the four of you together.
Wow.... I would be totally stunned as well. I was on speaking terms with my father & was told after the fact that he got remarried. He sent me a card to tell me. I phoned him up and he said "I knew you would be angry so I didn't want to tell you on the phone" *groan* he only got remarried 3 months after the divorce....
I think some people don't place the importance on marriage that others do kwim? Maybe for them it was just a formalizing of what they already have so it's not the big deal it would be to others?
Perhaps she didn't know how to just slip it into the conversation?
I don't know... What I do know is that you are handling it beautifully and I bow down to your emotional intelligence...
Its the way they deal with it - it's not your issue... Drop over with a gift. Wish them well and keep being beautiful you.
Wow ! Jennifer you are really a strong girl, even if on the inside you may feel like screaming, your actions are something to be admired. I guess I always thought weddings are for celebrating with friends and family so I do find it a little shocking. Having said that, perhaps because the reconciliation of sorts, was so fresh, maybe that's why they didn't want to invite you guys? Perhaps they thought lets take it slow, ykwim?
Anyway, maybe just focus on having a pleasant relationship with your SIL and go from there? Good luck with this.... I know what it's like to have a dysfunctional family and wanting to have normality when you start your own family.
I agree - build a separate relationship with your SIL. Sounds like she's caught between a rock and a hard place - she wants to get to know you but BIL is dubious about meeting with DH.
I'd just take things slowly - get to know her and at some point you're bound to have a bit of a heart-to-heart about the boys.
I totally understand why you are upset that they didn't tell you. I also think that your DH's brother is being immature in saying they are "too busy" to go over to your house for dinner.. surely they can spare a few hours one night.. but i do think the tea with your SIL is a lovely idea and maybe you can talk to her about it.
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And that he assumes the first three months after the baby is born will be out too, wouldn't they? Double
You are doing a great job. Enjoy your girly tea & maybe see if she wants to go out for lunch & just congratulate her if he's not interested.
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