I just want to throw one more idea into the debate.
I had some very sore bits after my first and worried that I would, in fact, never be able to have enjoyable penetrative sex again. The result,some tears, some honest discussion realising that my DH loved me no matter what and 6 months or so of exploring our intimacy which exponetially improved our sex life. Now is retrospect I am, in most, ways glad for the whole experience which allowed such a wonderful new dimension to exist in our relationship.
I would have had similar feelings on the matter as Alish pre baby which may be one of the reasons we made lemonade with our lemons so to speak.