so how much fun did we have last night girls ?? ;)
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so how much fun did we have last night girls ?? ;)
:redface:
none, none at all, i'm totally innocent...
i missed this thread until today so we are having our fun tonight ;)
we are ltttc so i have to admit it has become a chore to have sex but this thread has inspired me to make an effort to do it more and enjoy it more !
Hahaha I was so busy replying to this thread that he fell asleep waiting for me to come to bed! Oh well, there's always tonight ;)
Why restrict yourself to a bed? Df and i were house sitting once and got STARKERS outside and one thing led to another under the entertainment area :lol:
You can use the kitchen, bathroom laundry, living room! Be adventurous! LOL!
On that note df might get a nice surprise tonight!
From SE Xperia x10a
:
^^ Agree ... that's me.:
I would take it even a step away from 'sex after baby' and into the 'sex in a long term relationship'... There is a 7 year age gap between my two youngest children, and in that 7 years there were so many nights whenI was still too tired, or not in the mood. And a lot of nights where I had to make an effort, to rouse myself into bed.
But there is a big difference (for me anyway) between really not wanting to, and just feeling like I couldn't be bothered. And I kind of feel like it's part of the give & take of a relationship, that if I'm not in the mood for a week or so, I make an effort to get there.
Somebody mentioned men 'needing' sex ... or not 'needing' it.... but it's not all about sex. I know for my DH, it's how he feels closest & most connected to me...it's love & affection as much as the physical. And I think that regardless of your individual sex drive, for most people it's a really important part of the physical closeness of a relationship. I don't have to enjoy the sex for sex's sake, but I always enjoy the 'cuddle'.
I only found that thread just now.... i have no idea where i was when it was going on! LOL
I'm not the one who says no in our relationship, i am the one with a high sex drive (well its non existent now because of my ADs) and he always says no. He is the one who says its a chore, hes too tired and never seems to make an effort. So it goes both ways its not always the women who say no and need to make more of an effort and my DP proves that all men don't need sex and don't think about it 24/7.
i think that part of the point though LMS - I have read many posts from many people on here feeling rejected by their partners because their sex drive is higher and their partner doesn't "need it" - for you, as the person with the higher sex drive, i'm sure you would appreciate it if DP made an effort sometimes - not that he particularly needs it right then, but to at least try, for the sake of your relationship kwim?
i know i have the higher sex drive in our relationship and sometimes i feel like it's him rejecting me when he doesn't want to do anything - reality is that he is tired or busy or whatever. So we now talk about it a lot more, and talk through the impact to US, when one of us is feeling rejected for whatever reason, and how we can improve that. it's not always with sex by any means. one of us will give the other a massage while we watch TV or even just when we're laying in bed, intimate, non-sexual contact (i lay with my hand up near DH's head, and if i'm drifting off to sleep, i stroke his hair. if my back is to him, he tends to stroke my skin - but not in a sexual "i expect something so this is why i'm touching you" way. having that non-sexual intimacy, in our case, brings us closer together and we tend to build on that with sexual intimacy - but it might be a week later kwim?
And i do tend to agree that intimacy "breeds" further intimacy. For instance, we had a week where we were sexually intimate every night - no particular reason apart from the fact that we had an arvo without DD, made the most of it, and it led to a lot more ongoing "well, we have the opportunity, she is asleep, lets go for it" kinda stuff - we then had a bad night with her, and nothing happened, the tiredness from that night carried on for a couple of days, and nothing has happned now for a week! it will happen again, but at the moment i'm too sore from a back injury to bother initiating something that is going to hurt. if he initiates, it may be different - depends on HOW he initiates lol
Oh i totally get it. I wanted to add more to my post but had DD trying to bash the keyboard. Being on the other side of the fence along with many DH/DPs i know what its like to be left feeling unwanted and often hurt and wondering "what is wrong with me?" or "why can't they make more of an effort?" I know that in our relationship it starts to go sour and we fight a lot more if we aren't intimate, and i'm not even necessarily talking about sex but cuddling and kissing. I just like to feel loved, just like our men do too.
Now i think im just babbling and i've got a headache so not thinking properly but i do agree very much with you BG and a lot of other posters in the other thread.
Roryrory,
I was very much a supporter of your view in "Controversial thread number one" but I actually preferred your original thread post to that article. There was something about the "think about the way you dress and carry yourself" that got my hackles up. Perhaps its my defenses I'm not sure but I liked your approach much better and if DH ever told me I needed to think about the way I dressed or had suggestions of that type I would feel very disconnected as it is just not something that we value in our world...does that make sense? Its just one way of seeing the world and not mine...
Totally get where you are coming from PollyA :) Every now and then I ask DH if he's sorry he didn't marry a woman who does her nails and he just looks at me blankly LOL!
I don't know PollyA, a couple of years ago I would have agreed that the way I dressed was purely superficial and shouldn't matter. But in the last year I have started putting more effort into what I wear. It's rare that I will spend the day slobbing around in my pj's, for example. And I have noticed an improvement in the way I feel about myself, but I have also got a reaction from my husband. He would never have complained when I was a lot more slobby, but he certainly appreciates the effort I make now (as I do when he makes an effort). We find each other more attractive, and considering it was that initial attraction that brought us together it's not such a stretch to suggest that the physical attraction is still important in keeping us together now.
oh wow i just read the original thread. and i must admit, i now feel a little guilty. DP does do so much for me!!
we had sex right up until the day before i went into labour. 8 weeks has passed and i havent really thought about having sex. he has brought it up once but has been kind enough not to be pushy. i know its starting to get to him, because he's grabbing my boobs more and more hahaha. and giving me extra compliments. awww.
hmmm...might have to give him a nice surprise now lol
and just to throw it out there. even if there are women out there that have had traumatic vaginal births...there are other ways to please our men. :)
thanks so much for this thread. definitely has jerked me back into reality. why should we deny our partners?? sure we are the ones up at night feeding and babytalking all day,cleaning,cooking etc. but DP works hard aaaall day, runs down to the shops cos its easier for him to go then me.(and i cant be bothered),mows the lawn,clips the hedge,gets the mail, takes the wheely bins down to the road and the list goes on and on and on...
i agree with traveller. i dress nicely/make an effort for more my sake than DHs, but i know he appreicates it.
its very rare ill turn him down also, even if im not that keen ill give it a shot, and often end up 'happy' :0)
I totally understand where you are coming from LMS my XDH was exactly the same.
I was the one with the higher sex drive and every time I approached him I got knocked back...he only wanted to DTD when he initiated it...once it was 6 weeks in between and not from lack of trying on my part.
It definitely left me feeling rejected, unwanted and unloved. I really feel it had quite a large impact on our relationship.
I did look after myself...but I am not a make-up kind of girl (and He preferred that)
He always said it wasn't me...he was just to lazy. :rolleyes:
It made me feel like 'just' the mother of his children, cook, house keeper...not a woman who has needs and desires IYKWIM.
i have to say i agree. im fortunate to have an equal partner, who does more than his fair share around the house and with DD, so i can rest if i need it. as a result hes 'luckier' than his mates who spend a few hours in front of the tv/at the pub while thier partners feed/bath/play/dress thier hchildren, and then do all the housework.
am i the only one where the role is reversed? :redface: i would like it more but i don't think DH does! makes me feel ................. (insert so many words there), so i can understand where alot of guys are comming from when their partners don't want it! :rolleyes:
I just wanted to say that although i didnt read the whole lot of the other thread i did read the first page or so when it was first started and tbh it made me want to go and dtd with my loving husband. So we did and it was great and i just want to say thank you Roryrory for putting it out there cause i was in a rut and didnt even realise! Ohand my dh thanks you too :D
i posted in the other thread!:
Im so glad im not the only one! was begining to think something was wrong with me!
My DH never says he is not in the mood, or he is too tired, he just never hits me up for it anymore :(
Hj1981 , same here :)
I am feeling like this atm.....:
i think there are a lot of us out there like that - and i guess that's why, when it IS me feeling a bit - i dunno - just can't be bothered - i try and remember how cruddy i feel when it's the other way around, and act to not let it get like that...:
i wish my DH did the same thing!
I don't know about the man's wellbeing, but in terms of the relationship, I can comment - about my relationship - which natually may well differ to others' experiences.:
I suffered extensive physical trauma during J'man's birth, and ended up needing invasive surgery, among other things. All in all, there was 6 months where DH and I couldn't have sex at all, and it still causes me pain.
Naturally, this wasn't much fun for DH, and the lack of sex was noticable and uncomfortable and very missed for him - and for me too. There were plenty of times when he or I just wanted sex, pure and simple. There were also lots of times when we could have comforted, enouraged, or simply increased intimacy with each other by making love. Or times when I was feeling defective and ugly due to the damage, and DH wanted to make love to me to show me that I was still desirable and attractive and perfect to him. And times when I wanted to show my appreciation for the man, husband and father he is by meeting his needs in that particular way.
And we couldn't.
And as I said, now - it hurts. There are still lots of painful spots, there are numb spots, and the whole act is kind of terrifying for me at the moment.
But sex is an important part of marriage for us, and it's not exactly going to get any easier by not doing it for the next 6 months, so we've been making a conscious effort to (as we call it) get back in the saddle.
And you know what? It's helping us as a couple. It's meeting his needs, it's meeting my needs, it's bringing us closer together, it's solidifying our relationship, and even though it's not 100% comfortable 100% of the time, it's getting easier with time and practice.
Do I always feel like it? No. But if we start slow, and work our way up to it, I'm into it reasonably quickly. If I wasn't, I'd say so, and we'd stop. This isn't about "convincing myself" to do something I don't want to do.
Does DH always feel like it? No. He's looking after a baby and taking charge of the household. But he knows where we're at physically, and he knows that he too will be mighty fine with the idea in about 3 nanoseconds after his kit is off.
"No" could of course be a perfectly valid answer - and it would always be respected.
But with the way we're going, physically, it's helping us both. Psychologically, it's helping us both. In terms of intimacy, it's helping us both. It's helping our marriage and our general relationship with each other. It's going to make TTC a lot easier!
And it's about us both making choices now to keep our relationship on track for where we want it to be and stay - incredibly close and intimate and very much in love.
Hope that makes sense.
:)
I think if the relationship is strong enough and the partners respect and love and understand each other enough (ie all other needs are being met), then the issue of sex (or lack thereof) may arise, but that it really isn't the be all and end all.
Sex is generally only a major issue in a relationship when there are other issues. This cuts both ways, with men and women, demanding and withholding.
IF there is a PHYSICAL reason why sex may be off the cards for an extended time, then although it may cause occaisional tensions, for the most part it is accepted by both partners and not a mahor relationship issue. It is when there are other underlying issues, or when the reason sex is not occurring is not physical, that sex becomes a sticking point.
After DD, it was at least 6 months before I could even bring myself to attempt sex again. Physically, I still hadn't healed (3rd degree tearing). It was painful and horrible and not enjoyable at all. We only had sex a handful of times in the following 6months. Of Course DH wanted it, but he understood. We talked about it regularly. If we had of had other issues it could have been the potiential for major issues; but although he didn't like it, it wasn't the end of the world. He knew it wasn't off the cards forever, he knew it wasn't because I just couldn't be bothered, or didn't want too. I physically couldn't.
With DS1 he only had to wait 3months. With DS2 it was only 6weeks.
Sometimes we have sex more often then not, sometimes we can go longer periods without it. But wether we do or not it generally due to physical reasons, not emotional or psychological ones, it isn't because of underlying issues.
I don't think women just giving their husbands sex regularly is going to help a relationship in trouble. The underlying issues are still going to be their, and just 'doing your marital duties' is just temporarily painting over the cracks. The question isn't about how often you are having sex, but rather 'why' are you not having sex? If it is a purely physical reason - a good relationship will survive and flourish despite this. If it is because of other emotional, psychological reasons, then those reasons need to be dealt with, because these can damage a relationship.
In a good relationship, sex really is just the icing on the cake. The cake is alot better with the icing, but it is the cake that is most important. Because if the cake is horrible or crumbling, it doesn't matter how good or how much icing there is or not. If the cake is good, it can still taste great without fabulous icing, although it can definitely be better if the icing is good too, or if there is at least promise that the icing is going to improve at some point in the future. ;)
Very well said. I've been trying to reply to this thread since it was started and after another one was posted on the same topic I tried again. I couldn't say anything nicely so I didn't say anything at all ;):
irrespective of all other comments, opinions and the like, I think everyone would agree that:-
1. every person is different;
2. sex can have different meaning and importance to different people and couples;
3. every woman and man have to decide what is going to be best for them personally;
4. every couple has to decide - together - what is going to be best for them as a couple;
5. no one is in a position to judge;
6. no always means no, and must be respected straight away every time, and no person should ever feel pressured into sex; and
7. we all want what is best for each other, and each others' relationships :)
I enjoy cake, I enjoy icing. I enjoy both together. I did not get married to only eat cake and my DH is the same.
Sex is one of those weird things in a relationship. When it is going well, it seems like a small part of the relationship. When it is going bad, it seems like it is everything. I don't see sex and the relationship as being separate, like cake and icing. It is more like the flour or the eggs of a cake, an integral part of the structure. With no eggs, you don't get beautiful sponge cake ;)
:clap::
:shakehead:
Reading this thread, I feel really bad. I worry about how a woman would feel reading the replies here about essentially not being selfish and taking one for the team. If only it really were that simple. Just what someone like me needs to see, heaped judgement on top of a low self esteem after a night of no sleep.
I am a wife who rarely has sex with her husband and often I just end up letting him do it while I sleep. Its slowly gotten worse since we had our 3rd baby. Maybe I am just a selfish cow who thinks only of herself................:rolleyes:
We have 3 children aged 4,3 and 2 who dont sleep through the night and havent for years so I am TIRED, beyond tired even, I dont think there is a word to describe my state of exhaustion. I have very bad body image issues. My husband doesnt do much to help me out, which is a sore point because I work 2 days a week, currently studying my nursing degree by correspondence, 3 small children to run here there and everywhere, chores that are never ending, one of our children has special issues which are currently requiring alot of time for appointments, testing, therapies and extra help at home not to mention financial strain (hence the job for me). On top of that Dh goes away alot and will be very soon for a very long time. So Im often doing this all solo only for him to come back and want to jump on me at first chance. Because you know, I spent the whole time he was gone thinking about having sex with him :wall:
He thinks Im a selfish cow. I think the fact that men have been programmed to think the world starts and ends with sex, without there being anything else - intimacy, respect, that life outside the bedroom directly influences life inside the bedroom - is whats affected this issue. I certainly am not receptive to Dhs advances when Ive had a bad day, no sleep, kids hanging off me; and then he whines like a baby at bed time because Im neglecting him. Or when he wakes me up after 2hrly waking overnight at 5:30am when the 5-7:15am period is the only time all 3 kids sleep soundly.
I think Misty bought up a great point. Sex isnt 'just sex' in a marriage. Its connected to your entire life together. When you look at them as separate entities, thats when trouble starts. I also think that personal feelings come into play; if I dont especially like my husband because he is lazy and selfish and puts unrealistic pressure on me as a wife, then Im hardly going to feel like having sex with him. I dont have sex with people who dont care about MY needs or wants, I certainly dont have sex with people I dont like.
Just a bit of food for thought from someone on the otherside of the debate.
Another little bit of pondering for you all - I think its a little ironic that only those who are the "have sex with your husband no matter what, its your duty as a wife" members are the ones who've posted here, very few are from the opposite side. I bet there are alot of upset, frightened to post members just browsing this thread feeling like dog poo.
** Disclaimer: our marriage has certainly been rocky, we've split up, we're in counselling. Its certainly a little better than it was. Before anyone makes judgement calls on it, I will say that in our marriage his only issues IS me not having sex with him when he wants it. Whilst on the other hand my list is a mile long. Yet he seems to value his one issue over my many issues because its about sex. I cant even begin to state why this is 1000 kinds of wrong. And really makes me wonder why we stay married when obviously our priorities and value of the other person are so far apart and skewed. **
:hug: freya
I often tell DH that the biggest aphrodisiac for me is time...quality time with him.
I think your post demonstrates how all of us fall on a spectrum, and how generalised advice doesn't really work in something as complicated and emotionally charged as sex.
I hope you don't feel anyone was telling you to "take one for the team". I think most of us were just sharing our own experiences.
:grouphug:
I totally agree Freya.
I felt like I was unwelcome here for posting an opinion like yours. No doubt I'll be jumped on again just for poking my nose in again.
I know it probably wasnt intentional but that is the general vibe I get from this thread. I find it just a little condescending to have someone who has a life completely different to mine (one child, family help, whatever that might be) imply I should put out for Dh more and not use being tired or whatever as an excuse.:
We had sex plenty after our first baby, even after our second. By the third, I was wearing a little thin and I have only ever asked my Dh for understanding, patience and a bit of support in whatever way neccesary (just like you mentioned in your post!). Yet he STILL cant help himself and has to harrass me, touch me suggestively and bring it up every day. I cant even begin to tell you how upsetting that is for me. We've sought help overall with our marriage and its still the one bug bear for both of us (him that he doesnt get enough, me that he focuses to much on it when I feel it isnt really important in the grand scheme of things). I feel that if not having enough sex is the worst problem in your life then your doing pretty damn good and should take a long hard look at your priorities.
I guess what Im trying to do is make sure everyone who is involved in this discussion understand the 'other side' of the coin. It isnt always just a case of cant be bothereds or the Im tireds or just simply 'being selfish'. Its not a black and white issue.
One huge glaring facet of this issue for myself is that my Dh and I have very different idea's of whats enough and whats too little. He usually cant even remember when we've had sex so it turns into a fight with me declaring we had sex 2 weeks ago and him saying its been months :wall: To hear him he is hard done by but if you look at the bigger picture - we've been married 6 years, together 7. We had sex ALOT in those pre-kids days :lol: Ive been pregnant 7 times in 6 years with 3 live children and 5 losses. We TTC for 2yrs to conceive our first so there was alot of honky tonky happening. Most people dont just fall pregnant first time they try. So I think we have a pretty healthy sex life taking into account all my pregnancies and all the TTC we did. For people with 3 kids under 4 and busy lives. To DH, its not enough. By some of your standards, its not enough. So who is right and who is wrong???
Im sorry you felt that way Entreat. This is the exact reason why I posted. I dont usually share in depth personal details about my life but sometimes I think it helps others remembers that there is a person with feelings behind a username and we only ever see whats on the surface. Sex after kids, sex during marriage - they are emotive and personal issues, especially for women.:
As someone who likes sex, I don't get much. DP would argue that it's my fault. I say it's kinda his. If he were actually sexy with me, he'd get tons more sex.
No matter how many ways I say it, he doesn't get that sex starts well before we hit the hay! We co-sleep, and that's never been an impediment to sex. I've had plenty of "Oh, ok" sex, and it's not a great feeling, though for a few minutes it feels physically nice. It's just not very nourishing, the way it has been in the distant past, and pre-DP.
He's a good looking man, he's just not that sexy, IYKWIM? Sometimes he'll touch me during the day, but it's so rare, and he NEVER speaks to me sexily, so yeah, if I'm not making more of an effort, then bite me. I make sure I look nice and well put together (I'm highly visual, so if my reflection irritates me, I make sure I make it better!) at home and when out and nada.
Yet I have some sexy friends who flirt with me and then I feel SEXY. So, it's not me. It's in there. It just locks up with DP because he can't be bothered accessing that side of me.
He's not an A-hole, he just doesn't bother, despite many conversations about it.
As MR says, it's not 'sex', it's INTIMACY that needs nurturing in a relationship. Without intimacy you're in trouble. Without intimacy, there's little incentive, there's no recharge after the daily grind of child rearing.
:grouphug: freya and entreat. I don't know what to say, but I hear your points and apologize if my posts offended you.
Sex is in no way simple.
Freya I totally agree hon :hug: Much of what you said was in a huge post I typed out the other day but didn't click submit as I've been on the 'other side' of topics like this too much in the recent past and have coped a caining for it :( Just beifly though it was the attitude of having to put out and that being the good wife thing to do that had me join the family crisis PSG not too long ago. Thankfully this type of attitude was all made up in MY head as that kind of idea is imposed from so much of the community and places like this thread. There are reasons our sex life is crap, 2009 was full of miscarriages and 3 x D&C, having ms, then physically recovering from the ops and all the emotional strain that goes along with it. 2010 was me being pregnant, again ms, then sciatic, headaches feeling and being huge! Then birth, waking all through the night for feeding and that brings me to 6 months later where I am FINALLY recovering. Thank God my husband loves me not just my vagina and all the stuff I made up about what 'should' be happening sex wise was just coming from main stream beliefs. Our marriage and our life together is deeper than that and intimacy can be found in other ways. At some stage a marriage needs to be richer than just sex and lets face it, what type of man wants to have sex with a woman who doesn't really want to be having it? Maybe all the woman who do that are just good at faking it :dunno: I know my husband would know in a heartbeat if I wastn't 'there' either physically or emotionally. I can't think of anything worse that having sex with someone when I know they don't want to and I am so thankful that my beautiful supportive husband feels the same. I don't need to feel guilty for not putting out and yeah my health DOES come before any physical need my husband has for sex!
What I don't get, from having just found this thread, is how people feel they're in a position to judge why other women don't have sex with their partners after childbirth. Instead of asking 'why', we're told that if there isn't some pathology or family violence involved then it's because we are perversely 'holding out'.
It assumes that many women are asexual, as another poster suggested, instead of experiencing some other compelling impediment to a healthy intimate life.
In a relationship that's going down the tube and there has been very little sex after children, you'll probably find there are other reasons, far more damning than not having sex that the relationship is in dire straits.
I think you'll also find that sex is one of the last things to suffer in a relationship - people continue to have sex with each other long after the functionality of the relationship is compromised. I can think of a few relationships where separated couples end up DTD - not a very good litmus test for relationship health!
I am LOVING this thread! I try and stay away from controversial topics like this one because im not really good at accepting ppls critisism if they dont agree with my POV (it makes me a bit scared and shy!) but i really think its great getting views from both sides, no-one shld be afraid of voicing their opinion.
This has definitely got me thinking.. over the last few months I have been kinda joking/ kinda not that DH is going to have to go without sex for a long time once we have this baby..ive come up with reasons such as i'll need a lot of time to heal.. i will be bleeding for weeks and weeks..i dont want an infection.. and really whatever other reason I can come up with at the time! :shakehead: I have just realised there is no reason whatsoever to be saying this to him and im only doing it to 'scare' him i guess!:
I have no idea how im going to be after giving birth... who knows I might be able to dtd after only 3 weeks or something tho?! Its kinda like im only saying it because i know how important having sex is to him.. and being able to 'threaten' him with the whole no sex thing will make me feel as tho im one up on him.. like I control our sex life.. IYKWIM?!
If I hadnt of read this thread I honestly believe that I wld have done exactly what u said Roryrory and closed myself off to the idea so much that I wldnt have even considered having sex with dh.. (maybe to try and prove some weird point??!) even if i was fighting fit and healthy! Thankyou for making me wake up to my pig-headedness!! :)
I can understand why ppl might not understand this way of thinking but i cld have written this word for word!! This is so us!! Except when its a real quickie it can be over with in about 5 mins!! :redface: haha. Dh sometimes even says afterwards with a smile on his face.. 'now that wasnt that hard was it?!' (and yes i know there will be ppl reading this going WTF??!) But it is so true. Its only 5 mins out of my time.. maybe 10 including cleanup :redface: dh goes to sleep very very quickly (its definitely a sleeping pill for him! I find if we dont do it he tosses and turns for a good hour whilst going to sleep.. and no i dont believe this is to prove a point! haha) and i get to read my book feeling all warm and fuzzy with dh cuddling right up to me playing with my hair (which i LOVE!) til he falls asleep. Altho we have other ways of feeling close to each other, sex is most definitely the number 1 way for us.:
It has definitely been hard for us at times.. DH is someone that needs sex very regularly, whereas i have no sex drive whatsoever most of the time! (i really really wish i did tho!) Ofcourse this has started a few arguments in the 6 years we have been together but in the last few years i have really come to love our daily love making sessions and if we go to sleep without dtd it feels a bit weird...kinda like we are arguing even tho we're not! Does that make sense??! We both understand each other.. dh knows i dont have the highest sex drive but really does appreciate the effort i put in.. and i understand that he needs sex in our relationship! I really do love the intimacy that it brings and i make sure i remind dh of this regularly so therefore he doesnt feel as tho hes forcing me to make love with him! I guess i have come to 'need it' just as much as he does..just for different reasons!
Its not only sex he needs tho, he craves lots of cuddles and kisses! He is a very affectionate person (which having grown up in a non-affectionate family im not used too) and has shown me its a very important part of a relationship.
Im really hoping once this baby arrives things dont change between us... I wld hate for our relationship to lose the intimacy we have now. Ofcourse we both realise having sex wont be a daily thing anymore for a while, but hopefully it can still be a weekly thing once im all healed! :)
Im sure there are a lot of ppl who are reading this that cant understand the ins and outs of our relationship and wld disagree with everything i have said but I am so happy i have found someone like my dh to have children with. He has taught me so much in regards to physical intimacy. And I wld love to bring our kids up in a household like this...
It was completely the opposite to this when i was growing up.. there was no 'love' at all between my parents.:
Anyway i have rambled enough! Well done if you have gotten thru this! :)
i know when we were trying to fall pregnant we both had sex even though somedays we didnt really feel like it, i bet most people have done the exact same thing when ttc, so whats the difference after the baby is born?
to me i sometimes look at SOME women and think did you just have sex to have kids or what?
dh and i have always had a healthy sex life, and ive found ive been more sexually aggressive than he has, there is sometimes when im not totally in the mood and vice versa but we still do it, imagine if you said no everytime each one was tired, when would you ever be intimate?
i know so many women that knock back their husbands and really, i wouldnt blame them if they strayed.. sex is so important to stay connected to your partner
great thread!!
p.s i havent had a baby yet but ive been through a couple of things that took me a while to heal :)