Controversial thread : Sex after baby

[Glamourcide]

Ok, so where's the balance point then between his needs and her needs? If it's ok for a man to go without for 6 months when there's a physical issue, why isn't it also ok for a man to go without when there's an equally compelling emotional/psychological issue? I'm just not buying the line that sex is so totally integral to a man's wellbeing. Not saying it's necessarily ok when sex is absent from the relationship for extended period of time, but there is a lot more to both intimacy and the balance of power in a marriage than whether you're getting it on x times per week.

Very well said, MD, and I just wanted to clarify that I personally consider emotional/psychological issues to be just as valid as physical issues - but they are also issues that, like physical ones, a couple can seek help with, itms.
In my own post, I was speaking more from the perspective of someone who has friends who have no physical OR emotional/psychological issues post-baby - they truly just take their bloke for granted and think they're absolutely entitled to expect him to go to work, pay the bills, cook dinner x nights a week and entertain the kids, take the Mrs out to dinner once a fortnight to wine and dine her... and then he still can't get more than a peck on the cheek because *she* 'doesn't feel like it tonight, darling'. I think that's pretty unfair on both of them, tbh!
I find I'm tired ALL the time. Whether that's because I stay up too late, or some undiagnosed medical issue, I don't know. But when I collapse into bed at midnight, close my eyes and then feel DH grab my backside, the first thought that runs through my head is, 'Argh, noooo, I want sleeeeep!'... but I really have no reason to say no when he's been at work since 7am and been on his feet all day while I've wrangled kids and housework (stressful, yes, but nowhere near as physically taxing as DH's job). So I do my best to send him off to sleep with a smile on his face, even if it's just rubbing his back the way he likes while DTD. I just think a lot of other mums that are in the same boat as me, but deny their partner sex purely because it's too much of a chore for them and they don't think they should have to do it unless they're raring to go, should try giving it a shot and they might grow to like it - or at least their OH might be a little more willing to help out with bathing the kids of a night or picking his dirty towel up off the floor if he's getting 'rewarded' for it!


ETA: The poster who mentioned the Bettina Arndt article? Yes, I agreed with her, even though I got lynched for it amongst my friends lol